Pulled out the last ditch behavior

[SparkStillLit]

This one is lose-lose. I'm caught. Not sure what to do.
Apparently ages ago i said something disparaging about his face. I don't know if this is gaslighting, or if I really said some off the cuff thing. I have apologized for it repeatedly.
He's created this whole stink around how he does his facial hair. If he dors this or that, or the ultimate thing is shave it all off. If I make no comment, it's a situation. If I make any kind of comment, it's a situation.
So I come home and he's shaved it, and he's clearly in a horrible mood and absolutely spoiling for something. I try to get by with as little as possible, but he's wound tighter than a cheap watch.
Then DS asks for help with his math OH HEAVEN ABOVE THE KISS OF DEATH.
Math in this house has always made everyone cry. Tell you a side story in a sec.
So he goes up there and in about two seconds he is FULL OUT RAGING. In about two more seconds, THE DOG is threatening him!!!!! HAHAHAHA SHE WON'T LET HIM RAGE AT DS!!!!! He has to stop shouting (and probably waving his arms) and step out of the room. He goes and does something for DS, goes back in way calmer, and discusses whatever. He's still mad, but not raging.

So now, I don't know if he blew his stack and he's going to come after me, or not. I should be prepared anyway.

So side note. DD always thought she was horrible at math. I always told her she wasn't. She's an apprentice 2 level machinist now, and it turns out she's really really good at it. They give the kids that can't figure it out to her, whatever level she's at, because she can *teach* it, so the instructor can move on.

[notrightinthehead]

You are so brave and keep your sense of humor in spite of everything you have to put up with.

[blunk]

Gotta love dogs! They won't take that PD nonsense!

When bpdxh would start his raging my German Shepherd would get right in front of me...almost to the point of sitting on my feet and curl her lips at him. Normally, she loved him, and everyone else for that matter. She didn't like yelling of any kind (which is hard to avoid with a pd), but would usually just run to her crate. There was something about his rage-yelling that sent her into protective mode.

They just KNOW.

[SparkStillLit]

I guess I have to do *something*, I might as well try humor. These lose-lose ones, I don't know. I'll have to bring it up to the T on Monday.
I will say I felt some not-insignificant anxiety about how he was being, though. I still feel it. He was setting up for a huge rage, and I never know what....form? What the trigger will be? It's like waiting for a bomb to go off. I still have to live here, and stuff. It could be days, weeks, hours.
The DOG was just AMAZING. I was silently cheering her on. If he's dumb enough to push a very upset Cane Corso.... She has defended Boy from him one other time. They were "wrestling" and she didn't like it. She pulled him off Boy, then placed herself between and got up in his cornflakes and started barking with a serious tone, just like she was last night. She wouldn't let him talk or yell, just loud continuous barking WOOF! WOOF! WOOF!
I've said that the male Deerhound bit him once. He even upsets the Deerhounds with raised voices and rages.
The Deerhounds are the mellowest dogs on the planet. Upsetting them is really beyond the pale.
The Corso can't stand updh. She appears to perceive him as a low level problem at all times. She doesn't like when he speaks, and is always "on alert" when he is about.

[losingmyself]

Spark, I just had to google the kinds of dogs you said you have. They are both amazing!! What I would give for either one of those!
Also I think it's funny to imagine your H trying to rage at DS over the threat of that dog. I hope H doesn't turn his attention to you. Stay strong.

[SparkStillLit]

LM thanks 😁. I love the doggage. The Corso is neither ear cropped nor tail docked, so she's extra cute. Slobbery, but cute.

I don't think he's coming after me. He seemed normal this morning.

[losingmyself]

That's good. Hate to go into the weekend in a bad place.
I used to have a boxer, so I understand slobberage

[tragedy or hope]

Spark,
You seem really strong. I say, if it gets worse take DD and run. Go out. Get away. I see something coming on my horizon this weekend. I have been loved bombed the last week.

This a.m.  ... Him: "I made you an omelet come eat it while it is hot." Me: "I was not thinking about food just yet, but thank you." Him: you are going to miss it, while it is hot you will love it. Me: okay.

In the meantime, grandson comes over. Him: "say, if you don't want your omelet I want to offer it to grandson."

Bottom line, it was sitting there for me to eat later when I came in the room. I weighed the consequences and appetite ruled. It was good, but he wants to control when and what I eat when he feels like doing it. I know it is about control. My positive response is feed for him. It's usually under the guise of "look what I did for you." (Later there will be hell for me to pay if I don't go along with whatever he is love bombing me about) I have decided to take in all the love bombing as a service, a kind of servitude toward me instead of love, and I believe I deserve any good that comes my way from him as he has been so cruel so often.

Next: taking meat to freezer. Him to grandson: get up and help your grandmother. Me: I don't really want help, I would rather do it myself." Him: stern scowl.

Now he is getting phone calls he does not identify when I am in the room. This is recent as I am going MC and as suggested, sometimes it gets worse. He is trying to do things to make me wonder about his interactions.

He goes to the hardware store and calls the woman at the help desk by name and tells me she is back to work. He has been getting feed from her for years. She is 15 yrs. his senior.

He mentions a photo on his phone... did you send me a pic of a friend of yours in her kitchen?

Talks about the  "young girl" at the store  blah blah blah... little "covid" droplets, to try to make me feel insecure about his interactions.

I tell myself hooray! He is getting feed from someone else! I can get some mental rest. He is who he wants to be and I will do what I want to do.

Love your dog story! Wish mine would do that. He plays with her too much.
The other weird thing. He is always trying to get me to take my dog with me when I leave the house as if he speaks canine. "she wants to go with you...."

It's just the need to control every aspect of my life. It is a game to him. His victories lie in how I respond. Sometimes it a positive response he is after, sometimes negative. I am beginning to see it is even in the most inconsequential things that he is in need to see if he can get me to do what he wants. It like some kind of sick game.

He just came in the room to report to me who he had been talking to and to let me know he was not trying to ignore me.

Ha! It was my opening to pay no attention to him. He couldn't take that I was not waiting in the same room when he was done. He HAD to come find me, while leaving our grandson to sit and wait. Almost nothing is an emergency. Every phone call can be put off to an appropriate time. N's like to use the phone as an object of self importance.

Anyway Spark, today, maybe things have taken their course. Remember none of is it about you. You are his target person, that's all. Make yourself scarce if needed. Which I also hate, most times I am comfy at home and don't want to leave for awhile.
Avoid the crazies. Be the resistor.