About this Board

[Starboard Song]

When a PD enters hospice or dies, it isn't over.

Family trauma can be at its highest in the last days of a PD's life. And after death, the flashbacks and memories are still there for survivors. Flying monkeys still make appearances. They can kindle feelings of guilt even after a PD dies, and they can stoke ongoing obligations to an enabling parent or to the deceased. Many of us are left with complex emotions of new loss, guilt, or emptiness. Our relationships with other family members can turn new corners as well, for good or ill.

This board is for members navigating all of that: a PD's last days, the funeral, the family, the loss (and gains), and all the attendant emotions. Many of us are or will be one day wondering how to move forward. We do it in part by sharing and learning here from each other.

• As you post here, remember that death has been piled on top of the trauma of a PD, so please be ever so considerate of other members.
• Death is usually a form of release, but it is always serious: please respect that cheering death is rarely appropriate, and other members may be genuinely grieving the loss of even a brutal PD.
• As always, consider the importance of your own anonymity as you share searchable and identifiable details here. Never quote others, and particularly not the texts or emails of others, which can be searched.

This board was created at the thoughtful request of an engaged member who recognized the need. We thank everyone for being a part of this community.

[GentleSoul]

Many thanks for this board.

I agree that when the PD in your life dies, it is not the end.  There is so much to process and recover from.

My uPD/alcoholic husband died about a year and two months ago.  In is only in the last couple of weeks I would say my body is recovered physically from being in "red alert" the whole time.   My body feels at rest now.     

What I thought was my personality was back about 10 months or so after he passed.  Turns out it is no longer who I am.   I have gradually continued to develop into the person I am today.  Where I would have been had my personality not been stunted from being in Grey Rock/Medium Chill etc to cope with being around late husband. 

I am at a place of peace about him now.  My full focus on building the peaceful, calm, fulfilling life I want.

I have done an enormous amount of personal work on myself to recover from both childhood with PD/alcoholic parents then husband with same traits.   

I am now slowly dating a non-PD man who is kind, stable, loving and giving.

Peace to us all.