NARC M brings up stories re: my childhood abuse/neglect as if it is normal? why?

[scapegoat/caregiver]

why do they bring up old stories...???

For my birthday (i'm in my 50 s now)   --NARC M calls to talk. spoke of putting my cat in the trunk of the car to take to vet and then  stopping at a friends house to visit and "forgetting about it!!!"  she then went on to describe how the cat was barely alive when her and her friend found it.  she continued to describe the condition of the cat..  I never new this happened...why would she tell me this now?? ..... I was horrified.  I remember this cat when I was little...she told me at the time ...it ran away... I searched for weeks...she finally told me NARC F left it in a development to find a home.  Happy birthday!!!

one time SHE spoke of my childhood neglect..... she said she heard of a news story about a mom leaving a 1 year old at home alone and was put in jail for neglect...she described what she did to us and said" it is so odd.... if that was me they would be arresting me???!!!"  I finally said yea..they would.  and firmly told her I did NOT want to hear about my NEGLECTFUL childhood any more!!!!  she looked shocked!! and she pouted.

do they do this on purpose???  she actually thought  she was a good mom??  I think this was the FIRST time any one told her she wasn't.
or do they do this to continue to abuse.. I was clearly upset about these stories... that I did not even remember or know about... example  my cat...horrified.
does this feed into the NARC mind??? knowing that I was horrified.... or are they just that oblivious?? ...or do they do this to get forgiveness/closure???my childhood has SOOOO many LIES

another time in front of my boyfriend ...she brings up a story about how she said i was promiscuous when i was 16 .....reality I NEVER WAS....IT WAS MY GC SIS.... they thought I did something wrong... ...but I did not..... they did not talk to me about it... they just threw me in my room and started.....my NARC m and NARC F beat me up.... she hit me with a horse whip SCREAMING "SLUT...SLUT....over and over....and HE punched me in the head for about 10 min.... then locked me on the third floor of the house isolating me....for a week....(probably worried I was going to tell someone) I was 16 year old...  she actually brought this story up in front of my boyfriend....NOT TELLING HIM ABOUT THE PHYSICALL ABUSE OR THE LOCKING UP....  JUST giving him the impression I WAS A DIFFICULT CHILD... i sat there and cried...did not say a word
why??  they have no shame??   i ran away when i was 17.... unfortunately i came back periodically...  why does she still bring weird things up??  believe me  I am VVVVVLC to NC now and immediately---thanks to all you---- put my hand up and stop this it it starts again... but why   do they do this.....why???    thank you to all of you with all your help...

[Phoenix Rising]

My guess is that Narcs do these things to make everything about them. Make themselves look good in some way, to show off that they are all knowing and to try and get "ahead" of you. For example, when she tried to give your bf the impression you were a "difficult child" .. I think there she was doing the typical princess charming crap AND trying to control/dismiss your narrative at the same time.

[TriedTooHard]

Depending on how sick they are, it could be their way to continue to abuse you and make sure you're feeling bad.  They can't use the same techniques they did when you were younger, so this is what you're left to deal with.  On your birthday especially. UPDs are known to ruin special occasions.  Even if you didn't want to make a big deal of it and tried your best to quietly pass  your birthday, they know the date and they sit their stewing about it, needing to call you up and make sure "you're put in your place."

Or, they could have some self awareness and on some level know what they did was wrong.  But not enough to apologize, change, and move on.  Instead, they need to justify their actions.  Its a different world now, even though we still have violence, abuse, and neglect, we also have more news, more information, and more mental health research.  Compared to 40 or 50 years ago, the culture "outs" that kind of behavior more quickly now.

Back then, parenting and pet care was different than it is now.  The news only really focused on the very worst and most horrific stories of abuse and neglect.  Authorities looked the other way many times.  My parents used to watch the news and think that they weren't doing those awful things, so what was their kids' problems?  They concluded that we must have been born difficult and it was just another sign that life was unfair to them.  But looking back, I don't buy it anymore.  There were still a lot of parents who chose a different path. 

You've been through a lot of trauma.  Have you looked into any ways to help you process it and heal from it?  You deserve it and I'm wishing you peaceful healing from your past.

Regarding your sister and the accusations against you when you were 16.  Even if one or both of you did have a problem in that area and made mistakes, you were still children.  It would have been a symptom of the much larger problem of the abuse and neglect.   I'm not sure how your sister turned out, she very well may have a PD now, but whenever I start getting upset all over again about some of my siblings who were favored more than me, it helps to remind myself of their messed up childhoods, and how they're part of a dysfunctional family system.  It doesn't mean I go running back to try and have a "normal" relationship with them, but it does help me feel more peace and helps me move on to my own independent adult life.