Five minute phone call

[Sojourner17]

So yesterday I got a call from my parents/dad. He left a vm saying he wanted to know how we were doing/wishing happy Easter.  I was at the beach with the kiddos so thought it was perfect for doing a quick call back/letting the boys say hi.  It was a long awkward 5 minutes!  In that time he managed to tell me to use the phone, and managed to (mean) tease me bc I didn't know about an avalanche two hours from where I live/ sojourner don't you listen to the news?. He also managed to tell me that family west of us called and mom said she was slurring her words (My aunt who just lost my uncle to cancer). Yeah, didn't use my aunts name 😐.  The whole convo was very off putting and I couldn't get off quicker. After hanging up I realized I didn't even talk to my mom.
I know that more than likely I'm now the topic of their Sunday supper with my sister, bil and kids. I'm feeling a bit bad about it but not as bad as even 6 months ago. The ability to dictate, insult and depersonalize all in 5 minutes when I haven't talked with him in three weeks is astounding to me. 
Three weeks ago I unblocked their number thinking that I would call them at some point.... I just haven't been able to do it. I think of it and then it's almost like I go paralyzed.
We are obviously vvvlc with living so far away and all.  Has anyone successfully been able to work up to calling?  I don't want to do it out of feeling obligated but from genuinely wanting to.... I think this may be part of the reason why I haven't yet.

[SunnyMeadow]

I've had those phone calls too but they lasted much longer than 5 minutes unfortunately. Good that you don't feel too bad about it! They really aren't worth feeling bad.

I'm NC with my mom, well I guess VVVVLC. I haven't been able to call her. I don't want to and can't even think of hearing her waify, angry voice at this point. So no, I haven't worked up to calling. I genuinely don't want to, so I'm going with it and not calling.

Over all the years I've been married, I've had a relationship with her out of obligation and fear. I dragged my husband and children along too - I'm sick of it.  I'm enjoying my freedom 

[Sojourner17]

Thank you for the response sunnymeadow. I want to be able to talk with them but come to the realization that this is going to be the level/quality of our contact. Not sure what I want to do with that realization yet. Im not going to be calling anytime soon.

[blacksheep7]

Quote:  tease me bc I didn't know about an avalanche two hours from where I live/ sojourner don't you listen to the news?.

My NM don't you listen to the news, how Many Times did I hear that one, grrrrr.  Of course, nothing else to talk about unless gossip or babies!

You don't feel like calling, don't.   There is a reason for that, your last call confirmed it, once again.

take care

[Ariel]

I totally understand. I have had many of those. I am in that same  place. I don't want to call either. So I think I will just send something for Mother's day.Usually my dad would call and tell me to call. Well he has Alzheimer's and won't do that. At least there is some freedom there. If you don't want to call don't. That sick feeling in your stomach is telling you something. Feel free to listen to it.

[blues_cruise]

The ability to dictate, insult and depersonalize all in 5 minutes when I haven't talked with him in three weeks is astounding to me.

Ugh, I know. When I used to communicate on the phone with NF this was my experience to a tee. The first phone call after 3 months of silent treatment was him doing this, then wondering why I no longer wanted to communicate via phone!

Three weeks ago I unblocked their number thinking that I would call them at some point.... I just haven't been able to do it. I think of it and then it's almost like I go paralyzed.
We are obviously vvvlc with living so far away and all.  Has anyone successfully been able to work up to calling?  I don't want to do it out of feeling obligated but from genuinely wanting to.... I think this may be part of the reason why I haven't yet.

I think it might be your brain protecting you from hurt. It's what I experienced when phone calls were just becoming too much of a stress. Maybe it's time for a boundary, skipping phone calls and instead trying to communicate via text message and email? Granted when I tried this I got verbally abused and ridiculed and my boundary was ignored, however that's not to say it couldn't work out for you. Plus regardless, communication should be on a level that you are comfortable with and if the phone continues to be used a means to belittle you then you shouldn't be expected to put yourself through that. 

[Sojourner17]

Thank you all for your responses insights and encouragement. I still haven't called.  I texted a bit with my mom last weekend and at one point almost called as I got some info from my sister about my parents and when I asked my mom if she had news she texted that it was too much to text. I didn't call. Other than a text saying to call my aunt she hasn't texted since even though I told her my sister told me their news.
Even just writing it out makes me feel like I'm in high school all over again with the games and drama.
I honestly don't know when I will call my foo. I'm just going to leave it for now.