Eldeley Dad - not helping himself with "new" things

[Apparentlywicked]

Working from home. Wish I'd never started this one. but "how can you do work from home?" "who is making sure you're doing work?

Dad keeps asking me if my husband is up for promotion. My husband has never wanted to be a manager and is happy with that.  But dad knows better. Dad was never a manager. He worked nights in a factory for most of his life so god knows where this comes from. Our jobs are one of the few things he shows any interest in.

I don't know if he's looking for narcissistic supply or something. He knows our managers name. He wouldn't know the name's of our colleagues. He's got no interest in anything about work other than any interactions with management. So weird.

[p123]

Working from home. Wish I'd never started this one. but "how can you do work from home?" "who is making sure you're doing work?

Dad keeps asking me if my husband is up for promotion. My husband has never wanted to be a manager and is happy with that.  But dad knows better. Dad was never a manager. He worked nights in a factory for most of his life so god knows where this comes from. Our jobs are one of the few things he shows any interest in.

I don't know if he's looking for narcissistic supply or something. He knows our managers name. He wouldn't know the name's of our colleagues. He's got no interest in anything about work other than any interactions with management. So weird.

Ha ha same with me. Im a senior techie but not a manager. He also thinks if you work in an office (and you're male) you must be a manager. If you're female you must be an "admin girl". Really!!!!

He also thinks working in an office is easy and not real work. Of course, my brother whos a welder - I get told all the time by Dad how hard he works. Me never.....
I do on call and he did say once "so they can call you 24/7 and you've got to fix things?" Yes, Dad not so easy now is it?

[Starboard Song]

He asked me recently how much childcare cost in the school holidays.... I couldn't resist telling him it was £36 a day - he almost fell over.

Same with fuel for the car. "How on earth can you afford £85 to fill the car up?"

Dad is CONSTANTLY telling me to get a proper job or don't take ANY holidays because it costs money. The fact that I get paid more than 3x what the person sitting next to me does sort of makes up for this but he just can't comprehend.

P, I know your father is not an easy case, but much of this sounds not all like a PD. It sounds like he is old. It sounds like he is stuck in his ways. I'd start working very hard to detach from these sorts of things, and to separate them from the things that actually are an injury to you. The stuff above is the sort of errors that many people as early as 65 or so start making. Old people are indeed a challenge sometimes, but you may find your emotional state with respect to him clears considerably if you distinguish between harmful, toxic behavior, annoying, selfish behavior, and merely old-people silliness.

[p123]

He asked me recently how much childcare cost in the school holidays.... I couldn't resist telling him it was £36 a day - he almost fell over.

Same with fuel for the car. "How on earth can you afford £85 to fill the car up?"

Dad is CONSTANTLY telling me to get a proper job or don't take ANY holidays because it costs money. The fact that I get paid more than 3x what the person sitting next to me does sort of makes up for this but he just can't comprehend.

P, I know your father is not an easy case, but much of this sounds not all like a PD. It sounds like he is old. It sounds like he is stuck in his ways. I'd start working very hard to detach from these sorts of things, and to separate them from the things that actually are an injury to you. The stuff above is the sort of errors that many people as early as 65 or so start making. Old people are indeed a challenge sometimes, but you may find your emotional state with respect to him clears considerably if you distinguish between harmful, toxic behavior, annoying, selfish behavior, and merely old-people silliness.

I know what you mean about old people silliness etc. I get that.

I think with Dad the main issue is he wont let it go. EVER. If hes got an opinion on something thats it, he will keep on until you agree with him. Its impossible to shut him down - hes right and thats it.

I've tried many approaches over the years and nothing works with him.

[p123]

Does anyone else get this? I'm sure its deliberate to make himself appear more helpless than he actually is....

Hes actually getting worse and deliberately playing stupid. He tried to tell me the other day he didnt know things would keep for over a week in a freezer. Seriously. How long ago were freezers invented?

Yet he manages fine with his satellite TV and set top box etc - because hes got to.

And don't get me started on his mobile phone. He rarely uses it, pretty much refuses to take out with him. I've tried to tell him to take it in the case of emergency. He took it out the other day but said it didn't work. Yes Dad you've got to charge it - its not magic!

[lkdrymom]

My father thought cell phones could only call other cell phones.  No matter how many times I told him that was not true he refused to believe it was possible to call a land line with his cell.

[FromTheSwamp]

Yeah, the manipulative "misunderstandings".  If food can't be kept very long in the freezer, there is no way to store food more than a few days and you MUST bring him food that often. 

Probably something like that with the cell phone that can only call cell phones. 

If they play helpless and confused, everyone has to jump to fix their poor, pitiful lives.  Sometimes with mine the goal is simply to make clear that they are unhappy.  Like I'd forget. 

[HotCocoa]

Does anyone else get this? I'm sure its deliberate to make himself appear more helpless than he actually is....

Hes actually getting worse and deliberately playing stupid. He tried to tell me the other day he didnt know things would keep for over a week in a freezer. Seriously. How long ago were freezers invented?

Yet he manages fine with his satellite TV and set top box etc - because hes got to.

And don't get me started on his mobile phone. He rarely uses it, pretty much refuses to take out with him. I've tried to tell him to take it in the case of emergency. He took it out the other day but said it didn't work. Yes Dad you've got to charge it - its not magic!

It sounds like you communicate with him quite a bit during the week.  Maybe some time away from the constant communication and struggles of this relationship may help.  It's hard to have a clear head when hit with this onslaught all the time.

[p123]

My father thought cell phones could only call other cell phones.  No matter how many times I told him that was not true he refused to believe it was possible to call a land line with his cell.

Yes I can believe Dad saying that. Its become obvious why he doesn't take his out with him because

A) he can't be bothered to learn how to use it and

B) It provides him nothing. So no-one can contact him so whats its them inconvenienced not him. I've tried to say what about an emergency and I get "my friends have got phones they'll ring for me"