I feel obligated to "warn" people in their life

[turnonthelight333]

Hi all. I recently got out of a long-distance relationship with someone who displays a lot of narcissistic tendencies. There was a lot of love bombing and future faking, then out of the blue one day their entire demeanor toward me flipped and emotionally, things went downhill quickly. They broke up with me and cut all contact, but not before I found out that they had been cheating on me with someone they knew locally. I contacted this new person and they were completely unaware of my existence or that our relationship overlapped significantly with theirs. I gave the new partner some pretty irrefutable proof that they were cheating on the both of us, but I don't know if anything came of it for them.

My former partner is incredibly charming and can talk their way out of almost any situation, just like many other narcissists. I'm worried that this new partner isn't going to realize their true nature until it's too late. I know that being no-contact with them or anyone in their life is the best thing for me, and I worry about retaliation if I were to reach out. My family and friends have all said that it's no longer my responsibility, but none of them have experience with this kind of a situation. I'm struggling with the guilt of knowing this person is liable to hurt their new partner, and that I would have wanted to know the truth before beginning this relationship.

I guess I want to know whether I'm doing the right thing by not warning the new partner about the emotional abuse I experienced during the latter stages of the relationship, given that I've already given evidence of the cheating.

[notrightinthehead]

It's so painful to look back and realize that we allowed another person to treat us badly. And to wish that someone would have warned us. Would we have believed them? Maybe. Would we have split up? Probably not. Because we were different.

It seems you have already warned his new partner. She already knows that he is dishonest. She has been warned. If she has any more doubts, she can reach out to you, you already have shown her a willingness to talk. It's up to her now, you have done your bit. Your job now is to heal yourself from the abuse you suffered.

[moglow]

I steer clear of past/future partners, mainly because I want no part of he said she said drama and spitefulness. I try to remember that every relationship and every person is different, even given common denominators like a deceitful partner. I've been told he's not marriage minded, doesn't want a family etc then watched one get married within six months, start a family soon after. Different relationship 🤷🏻

Ive been on both sides of it - the one left behind and the one being lied to now, and neither is enviable. The "ex" is rarely welcomed, even when it's need to know information. Tell them what you will, it can be argued that you're jealous, that there was no relationship and you're just trying to create trouble, that you're stalking etc.

However your heart may be in the right place, just say no and now out and away from any contact with him. The best revenge truly is living well.

[Catothecat]

I agree with what the others above have said.  While it may seem important and even necessary to inform the new "victim" about the PD, it just becomes your word against theirs.  And you're the "ex" so how valid is your word in their world?  It's not just that they likely won't listen, it's also that they probably don't have the ability to listen.  Unless you've gone through such a relationship and know what went on, experience might be the best or only teacher in these cases.  Essentially you've said what you have to say, you stated your facts, but what has been the result?  By worrying further, you're only keeping yourself in a relationship that needs to be put in the past and stay there.

[Starboard Song]

There are those who mark unwanted mail from a PD "return to sender" or maybe set it on fire. I consider those options more active than gently tossing it in the trash. I fear that when we do these bold things we are letting the PD use us as a marionette. Who gave them permission to give us homework to do just by sending unwanted mail?

In the same way, whenever you learn that your ex has found a new target, that cannot possibly create a new chore for you. You are not a marionette.

Truly, the opposite of love is indifference, and the next stage in healing is to let go: out of 7 billion people on this earth there are a lot of them that deserve warning labels. It isn't your job to provide those warning labels for any of them.

Be good. Be strong.