It’s Christmas Day, and 2 days after he left

[Beachstone]

Saturday morning. Our son and I arrived home after taking 3 days away to have a break from the toxicity, and my partner (I guess I should call him "ex" now?) had left. Moved out. All clothes, shoes, electronics etc gone.

No discussion or explanation, just a Christmas present left for my son with a card say "sorry I won't be with you on Christmas Day".

Later on I received a text to say he has "left and is somewhere safe". I guess he thinks I'm the abusive one and he has escaped 

No communication from him since.
Today is Christmas Day. He messaged my son to say he missed him, and tried to call him. My son didn't want to talk to him or even reply to the message. I'm sure I'll be blamed for that too.

Today it is Monday and Christmas Day. We have no family nearby, so it's just the two of us. Despite feeling heartbroken, and also angry, and so so exhausted, I did my best to give our son the best Christmas Day I could today. He told me it was the best Christmas ever. He is such a sweet boy.

I've started telling my friends and family what is going on, and feel supported.

Have no idea where my ex is, or whether he is planning to come back for the rest of his things. So I still feel like I'm treading on eggshells. I'm even hesitant to throw out or eat the food he bought, or spread out my clothes into his side of the wardrobe.

But, despite feeling a little lost and scared for my future, I'm beginning to realise how lucky I am that he has left. One of my friends, who knew what I've been putting up with, said "congratulations".

Counting down the days until 8 Jan when my lawyer returns from holidays, I'm thinking I'll get her to handle as much as possible.

[xredshoesx]

sending gentle hugs beachstone-

when my ex finally left we ended up having a 'peace officer' present when he came to retrieve the rest of his belongings. that helped tremendously with the walking on eggshells feelings i was having knowing someone neutral would be there.

be kind to yourself today.  you and your son deserve this peace. 

[SonofThunder]

I'll second Xred's gentle Christmas hugs to you and your son.  Peace is huge and both imo & ime the cost to acquire raises its worth skyward. Kids can be the sweetest at times and they can also tell it straight, as their radar can be turned up very high and they shoot straight. 

You wrote:

"I did my best to give our son the best Christmas Day I could today. He told me it was the best Christmas ever."

You are valiantly protecting yourself and your son at this time and your son can probably sense the 'peace' of just you and he vs the tension with your partner around like in the past.  Peace is a wonderful and priceless gift and his '"best" words may be reflecting the very real peace he is experiencing; a gift from his courageous mother. 

I also second Xred and other Out of the FOG comrade's tips to you to have an officer present during certain times along your journey so hopefully you, nor your son aren't in private again with this disordered man. Cheers to you.

SoT

[Beachstone]

Thank you SoT and redshoes. That is good advice. I'm not sure if we have a peace officer or similar here in our country (and the local police service is under resourced and unfortunately has a terrible reputation when it comes to domestic violence services). But we have a women's services agency and perhaps I can ask them if such a service exists.
I could ask friends to be here, but I don't feel comfortable putting them in this situation.
This isn't helpful thinking, but I wish my Dad was still alive and well. He died last year, but if he was around, he would have driven across country to be with me in a heartbeat.

[SonofThunder]

"..we have a women's services agency and perhaps I can ask them if such a service exists."



Beachstone, sorry you lost your father last year. Im of the opinion that non-friends, non-relatives are the best in these situations and it sends a strong signal to your partner.

If you have a firefighting station near, you can also consider visiting directly and asking them for advice/assistance as they are usually well connected in similar spheres of protection for the public.  Even if you have to hire the person for that potential day(s). 

SoT

[bloomie]

Hi Beachstone - so much going on between the lines of your poignant post. My heart is with both you and your dear son. It is a new beginning and there is something quite beautiful about this new peace entering both of your lives at Christmas. Yes, terribly hard, but I am imagining that by this time next year you will be firmly established in this new life and every day will be normal! Just every day stuff. Imagine that with me!

Keep coming back and letting us know how you are!