Over analysing your thoughts and motives

[Sweetbriar]

As is said these days, I have no more effs to give. 

I reevaluated a lot on my fiftieth birthday.

I just feel like they've sucked enough happiness from me. I don't know how many more years I have left and I have the choice to try to make the years peaceful or chaotic. If I stay dutiful to the family, there is no doubt it would be the second. They think it's selfish. I think it's care of the self..... finally.

_apparentlywicked So true about people who hurt and say they love you. It's not love. Thank goodness I learned that as well.

[Ladymm]

I also have to shut myself down. I work with my father who is the director of this company. his abuse is of the subtle kind. I don't even know why he invited me to work with him, he could have chosen his beloved other daughter. He put me in the lowest position and every time I asked to learn something new from the work we do, it was a no. He sent me to do accounting courses and when I asked him if we do this it was just a lot of cynical remarks which  ended with "I don't give a fuck about your accounting". There is no big job offer/husband was unemployed/I really don't know what Id do in life were my escuses why I didn't quit. But I will and listened to "learning to fly" on that day

Just yesterday I was trying to explain him, the big director, something and after 30 seconds it was "I don't nderstand you""you are just blabbering something""you are confusing me"..when I was reading an invoice and said ther is a typo he said "invoices are your thing not mine". He really fuels his ego with his position. He is paying us well but sometimes talks to employees in ways I feel ashamed for. When I was small he behaved with me in the same way, put me down every time I opened my mouth. Almost until now I was afraid of men when they became angry, because most time his abuse (sometimes also physical) had NOTHING to do with me being a bad girl. It was just him and his weakness.

I think distancing from such figures in our life requires time and practice. Even not so long ago I was scared of my father, sometimes I couldn't even speak in front of him. But he is just a bitter person. What can he do to me? If he slaps me I will call the police. If he fires me (as he even half-threatened once) really, he would do me a favor.