After Narcissistic Relationship

[SoSo]

2 years today I finally left an abusive relationship that went on for 8 years. I've come the other side and so proud of myself. I have  small children and their lives have turned around too.. we are so happy now and life is good.
I don't know why and if this is normal but I still get angry about what he has done to me in the past Mainly having another child with an old friend hiding it from me and to find out on social media slept with friends and for me to find out horrid ways too. He has made no effort with our children. I know I shouldn't care but I can't help it. Has anyone else been in this type of situation?

[Starboard Song]

You are not at all alone.

Healing seems to have multiple dimensions. Along the width of it, we return to self-care and productive behaviors. The height of it, to me, is finding real, new happiness. But the length of it must be the leting go of the bygones. They stew in a mix of regret and associated anger: a desire to unwind the tape and make it all better.

We are 4 1/2 years NC from my in-laws, and that regret-anger-let's-unwind-history this is strong with me still.

Welcome to Out of the FOG. This community can help!

[PeanutButter]

2 years today I finally left an abusive relationship that went on for 8 years. I've come the other side and so proud of myself. I have  small children and their lives have turned around too.. we are so happy now and life is good.
I don't know why and if this is normal but I still get angry about what he has done to me in the past Mainly having another child with an old friend hiding it from me and to find out on social media slept with friends and for me to find out horrid ways too. He has made no effort with our children. I know I shouldn't care but I can't help it. Has anyone else been in this type of situation?

Hi SoSo im glad you found us.
Ime this is normal. Yes I have been there.
I wish I would have had more compassion for myself instead of judgement along the way.
I dont know if you will relate, but for me there were many layers (or dimensions as Starboard Song said)

After all these years I can still occasionally have a bad day.
It usually is old thought/emotional patterns of self blame.
Was I really not good enough? Does everyone seeing the pictures of his new child with his illigitimate grown child (which I didnt know existed because he cheated on me and kept it a secret) on facebook think "yep peanut butter wasnt good enough but now that shes gone he has a big happy family"

I give myself a hug imagining myself as I was at the age when the betrayals first happened. (16-17) first child by cheating with other woman (26-27) second child by cheating with other woman

I say a prayer for all of us touched by his pd behavior. Even my x and the other women.
"Im sorry
Please forgive me
Thank you
I love you."

Im so glad you got away when you did. Your children might be better off without him. But I know you hurt for them too!