Another nightmare last night...

[sarandro]

I have been NC with mother now since last year when my dad died and often struggle with the damaging emotions.

Last night, I had yet another nightmare about her...as with most dreams, I can only remember snippets...

she was getting remarried and a great fuss was being made about the arrangements. Being NC in my dream as well meant that I did not know about it until the week it was to take place.
My siblings had contacted me to say that I was expected to attend and make all the arrangements for the gathering.
In my dream state, I went to her house...it was all different...she was different...she was younger, more self aware and had found a much younger man she was going to marry.
She seemed happy at last and I was happy for her...it must have been a 'lucid' dream as I remember I pinched my arm to see if I was dreaming and I seemed to wake up and thought I was actually awake...I wasn't...it was another dream scenario...really really dark and complicated.
I thought I was doing the arrangements for the party in her house and then was told I wasn't invited...they didn't want me there.
Banished again in my dream inside a dream...very, very weird.

Needless to say, feeling extremely fragile today and so very glad I am NC.
This nightmare issue is intruding on my waking hours and I can't seem to shake the darkness surrounding it.

I know this is my mind working things out subconsciously, but I am so very tired of her being in my mind at all.

The dream seems to tell me that I am still hoping for her to be happy and the only way she will be is if I am not around.
Suits me!

Anyone else have 'lucid' dreams about their situation??

[Andeza]

Yes, I do have these lucid dreams. I think they are a way for our souls to cope with what should have been, but was not.

[Starboard Song]

We've been NC for four years and my DW and I both still have these. They are usually not upsetting anymore. It's like our brains are still thrashing it out but are hearts are far more settled.

[FogDawg]

This nightmare issue is intruding on my waking hours and I can't seem to shake the darkness surrounding it.

I know this is my mind working things out subconsciously, but I am so very tired of her being in my mind at all.

The dream seems to tell me that I am still hoping for her to be happy and the only way she will be is if I am not around.
Suits me!

Sorry to hear that. Good outlook, though.

I am the opposite of yourself and the others who have posted - I pretty much fade into oblivion for a handful of hours. That I do not remember is probably for the best, with my late mother saying that I would grind my teeth badly many nights; I suffer enough during waking hours and do not need to be further tormented while I sleep

[Blueberry Pancakes]

Yes, I also have dreams about my FOO that include various scenarios where their PD dynamics play out to me as their faithful scapegoat. I go into the whole justifying and explaining routine to no avail. I feel the injustice all over again. I am back there clear as day in my dreams. Then I wake up feeling sad and oddly somewhat upset with myself for still being triggered like I think I should know better even when in a half-conscious state which I know is ridiculous.  I think perhaps such dreams might be a way for my residual feelings to play out and maybe it is part of healing. I am sad that I still carry these feelings somewhere in my psyche, but assume the dreams will eventually become fewer. I guess it is not unusual.

[Sophie48]

Hi,

I'm really sorry you are going through all this.

Yes, lots of dreams. In my case, the dreams have definitely progressed from being about feelings of fear and powerlessness, to a feeling of calm.

At first, they were very disturbing, and like you, the lingering dread intruded during my day. But the more time without contact with my parents (6+ years) went by, the less intrusive and scary the dreams. Eventually, my mom would sometimes just show up in the middle of one. At first, she behaved like she belonged (she never said anything, though) and I didn't know what to do. Eventually in these dreams I started walking up to her and asking, "Why are you here?" and telling her, "You don't belong here." In the last dream I had about my parents, about 6 months ago, I was walking away from them, across a stage. I took a step, and suddenly, the curtain, made of large chains, literally crashed down right behind me and ended up in a pile on the floor! It was loud. It missed me by inches. In the dream, I looked back and said, "That almost killed me!" and kept walking. I woke up thinking, "That almost killed me!" —but in reference to my relationship with my parents. Since then, no dreams about them, and less anxiety about the situation overall. :-D

[BettyGray]

I, too, will have nightmares from time to time. In mine, my FOO (NC with all of them, even extended, for 4+ years) is always trying to pull me back in to their hell. Sometimes loving figures appear, like my dear grandmother and great-grandmother. They will draw me near, but it turns out they’re not really them, but my NPDM or BPD sister or someone else I don’t want anything to do with.

The nightmares usually happen when they have attempted contact. The bad dreams can go on for a few nights, but they eventually peter out, and I go back to my life.

It all makes sense, though. I moved far away from them when I was 24 (half my life ago). In the months leading up to my move, I was terrified I wouldn’t get out. That something would happen to keep me in their thrall. Then my mom got cancer, which she beat. But I stuck to my plan and left when she was undergoing chemo. I had 3 grown siblings to help her. Nothing was going to keep me for claiming my own future.

I tried for 20 years to have a long distance, LC thing with them. Until I just couldn’t take it anymore. They caused so much pain and added no joy to my life. And over and over, I would get sucked back in, thinking they would change and love me if I just tried enough. But in the end it came down to choosing not to have them in my life, because trying to have both - marginal but destructive contact with them AND living life on my terms- just wasn’t working.

So my dreams center around losing my hard fought for independence. But I remind myself that they really can’t hurt me, that I owe them nothing and I made the right choice. The scary nightmare monsters go away, and I go back to my own happiness.

[KeepingMyBlue]

I've started fighting back in my dreams. It helps me to remember how I stood up for myself, and I get a boost instead of darkness all day.