My body bears the burden

[IntoTheLight]

I've dealt with tension for years, though most of it has been subconscious. My dentist once joked that I had the world's strongest jaw muscles and that I was a "clencher." After he said that I started to pay more attention to it and realized that I do clench my jaw all the time. I also tend to carry my shoulders forward and often have my arms folded in front of me, like someone would do when they're cold. I've been doing these things all my life but never became aware of it until people pointed it out to me.

I do the same thing. I have a picture with friends from when I was 15 years and on this picture I'm shrugging my shoulders. Tension makes me do that and I realise I have always done this and it's not from working behind a desk for so long. It's trauma that I carried around in my  body. My dentist also says I'm a clencher. I managed to crack a porcelain crown once which is almost impossible. I'm so sad for my inner child. How lonely it must have been to grow up like that. I'm into yin yoga recently and it has helped me to relieve some of the tension.

[michelle012]

I  have been reading this forum and this is my first time posting!
I have autoimmunes , CPTSD, high anxiety etc.
FOO being an unpd mother. 4 female siblings and an enabling father.
I had , amount other things fibromyalgia for 20 years, clearly the emotional response to trauma. So I had hypnosis for trauma. It was so successful, after years of talking therapy etc. the fibromyalgia disappeared and is still gone 5 years now.
It is well worth thinking about .
I'm not allowed to post a link but it's called The Judith Richards Trauma Hynotherapy
I even went back to part time teaching!

I also walked away from my siblings and have very low contact with my parents.
My story is very similar to all those posted here.

[michelle012]

I've dealt with tension for years, though most of it has been subconscious. My dentist once joked that I had the world's strongest jaw muscles and that I was a "clencher." After he said that I started to pay more attention to it and realized that I do clench my jaw all the time. I also tend to carry my shoulders forward and often have my arms folded in front of me, like someone would do when they're cold. I've been doing these things all my life but never became aware of it until people pointed it out to me.

Oh me as well. I had to have Botox to allow me to open long and wide enough to have dental work done . I also have a night guard to prevent the grinding!
I have worn away a lot of enamel so crowns had to be done.

[Hilltop]

@Lillith, yes I get extreme fatigue any time I have to deal with my mother.  I guess my body just can't deal with the anxiety and stress any more.  I find my energy levels pick up when I am not in contact with her however now unfortunately if anything stressful comes up extreme fatigue takes over.

I now realise how bad it was for me feeling stressed and angry/hurt for so long.  I think constantly running in that stressed state has now affected me deeply and I go through stages of extreme fatigue.  I almost feel like I burnt out my adrenals.  I am now taking care of myself and working hard to reduce all stress in my life.  A relationship with my mother is not as important to me anymore for this one reason, if its going to negatively affect my health, that's too high a price to pay.

[WinterStar]

At my daughter’s wedding 2 days ago he wanted to talk to me about our relationship and how heartbroken that we are not as close as we used to be. The reality is we were never close and yet he has this belief  that at some point in the past we were. I think  back in those  days  I was compliant and my inner child  was trying to always seek his love and approval. I now speak my truth to him which he finds so hurtful.  Even my brother law was trying to rescue him by asking me what could i not just show my father some love in his old age. I can see how my father is still recruiting the flying monkeys.

Oh, this is my BPD mom. We had a "close" relationship when I put her feelings ahead of my own. I listened to her for hours, anything she wanted to overshare, offering her reassurance. Those were the days! I mean I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, IBS and had chronic pain, but, yeah, that was just the best.

I'm sorry your dad brought that energy to your daughter's wedding, sonofanarc.

[NeverTooLate]

Partially

[Liketheducks]

sonofanarc,
I stand by The Body Keeps Score.   I had no idea that I had anxiety issues.  I though everyone felt like I did, until I had Xanax for the first time.   Wait, what do you mean?   I can be calm??   

I have severe allergies, eczema, anxiety issues still, PTSD (likely C-ptsd, but it's not part of the DSM here in the states yet), and have struggled with depression.   And probably, I use a little too much Chardonnay.     Totally on an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety med.

Brother #1 is a full blown alcoholic, thankfully in recovery.   Brother #2 is a full blown addict, also getting counseling and in recovery.     Both have heart disease in at 38 and 40.   Both.   It is a bigger burden than many realize.  I'm grateful to have found a trauma informed nurse practitioner who works with me on my mental health.