What was the worst gift your PD parent ever gave you?

[countrygirl]

I can't tell you how helpful this topic, and reading of all of the replies, has been for me.  I have received some real doozies over the years, some of which have been so bad that I've emerged out of the sadness and hurt into laughter.  Never had anything quite as funny as Cat's "The Thing."  Reminds of something out of Edward Gorey! 

One year my father didn't give me anything, and when I expressed hurt over this--had driven five hundred miles to spend the holiday with him and had given him nice gifts--he said he had something for me.  He rummaged around and handed me a plastic bag, containing a package of batteries.  I took the batteries home, but when I tried to use them, they were dead.  How symbolic are dead batteries?!

But the worse gift was two left shoes, from my mother.  When I opened the package, my father gave my mother a look.  She shrugged, saying,  "I couldn't use them."  So I knew I was getting something she'd bought for herself, but I wasn't upset by that.  However, when I got home and tried them on, I saw that they were two left shoes!  I called my mother to tell her this, and she became enraged at me, telling me to mail them back to her.  I wasn't about to do that.  My father then got on the phone, and laughed at the whole thing.  He said she'd bought the shoes in a two dollar bin, not realizing that they were left shoes until she got them home.  The store refused to take them back, because the bin had been no refunds.  She even wrote the president of the company, but didn't receive a reply.   So she wrapped them up and gave them to me for Christmas!  And my father thought it was funny.  When I tell this story, I sometimes laugh myself, because it is just so bad.  But that fact is that she loved to give me horrible things.   

[treesgrowslowly]

The gifts I got were always in colours and styles that she liked and I didn't. It was predictable after a while. "Oh wow some socks that are exactly your style, thanks!"

and... of course some of you can predict what was said to me next...

"Well if you don't like them, I'll use them".

https://narcissistabusesupport.com/narcissist-gift-giving-red-flag/

I love this article where she says "we have to remember... narcissists don't really know you".

So when we try to understand their gift giving - we need to remember, they don't really know us.

I'm grateful for this thread. The narcs in my life used to ramp it up at this time of year.

They demanded that we give them lists - but not just any list. A list of things they could shop for so that it was a good experience FOR THEM. Forget it if I wanted something from a specialty shop where they might need to hunt for parking because the shop is gasp, located in a real neighbourhood not a mall.

For them it was all about participating in the December mall experience. I would rack my brain trying to think of something I wanted from the 3 stores they are willing to shop at. Misery!

Plus, even if I did think of items to put on a list, they suck at gifts. I would ask for something like hey I need a throw blanket for the sofa and they would buy a bed comforter instead (for example). They always go 'off' so that the item is not what I want or need or can use.

I ask for new spoons, I can guarantee I get a set of forks. 

Probably 80 % of the gifts I've gotten from narcs went to local charity in January.

I feel like we could make a poll and include questions like how many of us have watched the narc give a family member with a well-known nut allergy a gift basket of nut products? (raising my hand here).

Ugh.

Trees

[countrygirl]

I reread a number of these replies.  Just amazing.   

Wanted to post about what I did one year, after so many horrible holiday gifts.   My mother knew what I didn't like, and one year she hit the trifecta of hideousness with a blouse:  It was pale pink, with huge white clown ruffles down the front AND with lace cuffs.   As I opened the gift, she was watching me, with a cat-who-is-going-to-get-the-canary smile.  Suddenly, I knew exactly what to do.  I said,  "What a beautiful blouse!  Thank you so much, Morther!"  She looked stunned.

That afternoon, when I was alone in the den with her, she looked at me and said, "Did you really like that blouse?"  I assured her that yes indeed I did. 
"But you don't like baby pink," she said.  "Well, I liked THIS pink."  I replied, smiling at her.
"But you hate ruffles," she said.  "I like THESE ruffles, though," I said, looking her in the eye.
"But she said, you don't like lace," she said, despairing.  "Oh, but I like THIS lace."  I nodded happily.
She was speechless.

Really something how she showed her hand!   She let me know that she'd gotten something which she was sure I would hate.

After that, I never received any more clothes, although there were other bad gifts. 

[SeaBreeze]

I've actually received some nice gifts from narcs, but either there were stings attached, and/or they were mortally offended if I didn't grovel in gratitude at their generous amazing gift. In other words even good gifts are still all about THEM, not the recipient.

[Zia]

Hi Justkat,

That is utterly disgusting and embarrassing to be gifted with an old broken laptop. They are sick!

Somebody gifted my newborn a cheap made in china blanket from dollarstore.

I have also received numerous sermon and my NM made me cry on my birth days. From childhood till when I'm adult.

[Starboard Song]

I was given a coffee can full of their dryer lint, nicely wrapped with a bow.



I was supposed to use it to make my own fire starters. You stuff a toilet paper roll full of lint, and dip that in melted wax. So, to save me the effort, I received a can full of lint from their laundry. Yay!

And yes, we too have received The Box: old cassette tapes and letters and yearbooks and whatever detritis they send, saying maybe-we'll-still-care-enough-to-want-this or whatever.

[JustKat]

They demanded that we give them lists - but not just any list. A list of things they could shop for so that it was a good experience FOR THEM. Forget it if I wanted something from a specialty shop where they might need to hunt for parking because the shop is gasp, located in a real neighbourhood not a mall.

For them it was all about participating in the December mall experience. I would rack my brain trying to think of something I wanted from the 3 stores they are willing to shop at. Misery!

Wow, yes! The lists! Every year my Nmother insisted that everyone in the family give her a Christmas list. Just like with your parents, the items had to be something from one of their favorite stores. No specialty or hard-to-find items that they'd had to hunt for. Nmother would also assign items from the list. I'd be told what to buy for each family member and vice-versa. Sometimes the assigned item was something crappy so I'd buy an additional item that wasn't on the list. She'd become enraged. How dare I buy my sister some jewelry that wasn't on her list! Everything about Christmas at our house was very tightly controlled and if we acted independently there would be hell to pay.

The last Christmas before I went NC I had moved into a very small house and had to downsize. I didn't have room for any "stuff" and really just needed gift cards to help me with some renovations. My mother came completely undone when I refused to hand over that Christmas list. Lots of drama and crying that I had broken her heart and ruined her Christmas. I ended up not going to the family Christmas that year, and went NC a few months later.

[Penny Lane]

Hi folks! Good discussion here but we typically lock threads when they get to five pages so they don't get too unwieldy. Feel free to make a new thread or threads if you want to continue the discussion.