Objectively observing

[11JB68]

I find it interesting as I'm coming Out of the FOG that without jadeing etc I'm able to more objectively observe uOCPDh's behavior, and see it for what it is.
E.g. I know that I can't really do certain things without telling him. It just causes a fight. Yet he will find the negative in just about anything, and really does believe it is his prerogative to tell everyonewhat to do. I have an opportunity to participate in a clinical trial that could improve something 'cosmetic' that I'm self conscious about. Its non invasive, etc. I told uPDh on thurs evening. I guess I did a good job of being clear that I was telling, not asking. Of course he still had to do his thing. Of note... UPDh: expresses some concerns, asks some questions, then says, "well I mean it's not like it's the1950s and I'm your boss or something...well I sort of am your boss..." 
And then, wow, this is where it was just so obvious that he is not worried about me at all, but rather how this could impact him: "Well, I mean you already look way better than me, so this won't help, I'll only feel worse".
Wow.
So my improving something about me will cause narcissistic injury to him.
Yikes.

[GentleSoul]

Thanks for sharing about your experience.  It really is always about them!

I am finding as time goes on and I work on myself to come Out of the FOG and on my other issues, I am seeing that my home life with uPD/alcoholic husband is far worse than I thought.  I can now see things and hear things said to me that are truly shocking.  I had thought a lot of it was "normal" due to my own background and childhood. 

It is painful but a worthwhile journey.

As the FOG drops little by little, I see more.

Good luck with the trial.  Very nice self care. I hope it is a lovely boost to your self esteem. 

I, like you, rarely tell H anyway thing as I KNOW it will play out as you describe.  Unfortunately there are some things I have to tell him.