new here

[IntoTheLight]

Hi guys,

I'm new here. I have a mother with undiagnosed BPD and a extremely withdrawn egoistic father. I have contact with them on a basic level. I don't share how I feel with them and I am currently investigating my own trauma. I have therapy and I am reading Pete Walkers book about C-PTSD which I believe will soon be an official DSM-diagnosis. The hard thing is my parents are getting older and I am struggling with how much care I can and want to give them. To complicate things I also have a sister who I believe has narcissistic tendencies.

I am very glad I found this forum.

[Boat Babe]

Hi Intothelight (great name). I'm glad you found this forum which is a great source of comfort and wisdom. I am also glad that you are working on yourself with Therapy and have clarity about your FOO. Lastly, glad that you are thinking about this challenge before it turns into a crisis. See you on the boards.

[IntoTheLight]

Hi Boat Babe, thanks for your reply and the compliment. I am juggling with the 'lingo' a bit, but I am pretty sure FOO means Familiy of origin.
I have been struggling with it all my life. I hope I can find some relief with therapy.

[Boat Babe]

There's a glossary of terms on the main website and almost all the abbreviations refer to what's there.

You will learn so much here 😊

[IntoTheLight]

There's a glossary of terms on the main website and almost all the abbreviations refer to what's there. You will learn so much here 😊

Thanks! I will check it out.

[happygoat]

Hello intothelight,
You are wise to start thinking about those caregiving issues now.  I have an amazingly similar family situation.  I went no contact because I feared that my FOO will set me up for some fictitious crime.  Especially since they are older and could cry elder abuse. 
there is money and real estate involved.   I am very lucky because my covert sister lives across the street from my covert/overt Mom and her younger brother is a few blocks away.  She has plenty of money and support from people around her who have the same low opinion of me that she does so I don't have much guilt.  They gossip and tell people that I won't help take care of my mother to save face because I went NC, but I had to go NC to protect myself from them. Perfect!
Take Care,
happygoat

[Worthy of Care]

Welcome, Into the Light. I'm new here too. 

[IntoTheLight]

Hi Worthy of care. Welcome to the forum!

[IntoTheLight]

Your situation does sound similar happygoat. Love your name btw. Good for you that you went NC to protect your own health. I am not ready to do that yet, but I am keeping my distance, either emotional or physical. I just recently found out that my sister is a factor in this too. Yesterday I started reading in 'Understanding the borderline mother' and recognised my sister as being the 'Queen'.

Anyway, thanks for your reply. It helps to know I am not alone!

[happygoat]

I like your name too.  Lets me know we are headed in the same direction! I sure hope that you don't have to go no contact. I would not if I had any other choice. If I had learned how to use some of these tools earlier maybe things would be different, so I encourage you to do that. Medium Chill keeps me functional, when I start using it before I am in a tizzy.  I always want to share everything, and learning I shouldn't. Flying monkeys are functioning in a way that God did not intend. I can outLIVE them today as I walk with my Creator.

[wisingup]

Welcome Into the Light!  I am dealing with a similar situation - I'm suddenly finding myself the sole caregiver to my formerly estranged uBDP mother after her sister asked her to move out, and my brother came down with a serious illness & cannot assist for the time being.  I'm struggling with my own feelings quite a bit - stress, obligation, resentment, compassion, some warmth toward her when she actually seems appreciative.  It's a roller coaster.  I hope you will share your experiences!

[IntoTheLight]

Welcome Into the Light!  I am dealing with a similar situation - I'm suddenly finding myself the sole caregiver to my formerly estranged uBDP mother after her sister asked her to move out, and my brother came down with a serious illness & cannot assist for the time being.  I'm struggling with my own feelings quite a bit - stress, obligation, resentment, compassion, some warmth toward her when she actually seems appreciative.  It's a roller coaster.  I hope you will share your experiences!

That does sound stressfull! I'm so sorry you are in this situation. I'll keep sharing my experiences, feel free to share yours! I'm not on the forum every day, but will check once or twice a week.