Greed when raiding the fridge, picky at mealtime.

[1footouttadefog]

My pdh has become more and more self centered amd greedy about food.  He is also becoming more and more picky about meals. 

My kids and I like to cook.  We like ethnic cuisines and cook from scratch. We will visit markets when we travel to a city, as we live rural, and bring items back with us.

We have to buy groceries so we consider this an affordable luxury and it saves us money as we dont eat out very often, and can control portions and ingredients to stay healthy.  If we cook something pd does not like we hold some meat and other items aside and make a more colloquial meal for him.

We keep a well stocked pantry. Its not quite a prepper or hoader cache but well stocked.   There are sauces and ingredients to make ethnic meals from aroumd the globe. There is always a fridge full of food.  There is fruit in a multi tiered rack on counter. Several types of bread or flatbelreads and wraps are available at any time.  Ditto crackers, cheeses, etc. 

So pd gets hungry and wants to raid fridge, can he eat leftovers?  Can he eat a salad from stuff he himself bought and brought home?  Cam he have cheese and crackers.  Some veggie sticks?  Make a sandwich or wrap?

Open a can of soup, eat an apple,  warm up the pizza slices, have a bowl of cereal, etc etc etc.  Cam he use the toaster oven to prep the things he asked for like gortons fish portions that only he likes?


No he has to locate the key ingredient to a planned meal, or the meat for the next days sandwiches,  or eat an entire container of icecream he knows was bought for the kids when he has eaten what was bought him. I had to buy two becaise he did not like the other then eats it anyway.

He will open a package of coldmeat and eat over the package at the counter while in his briefs only.  Sometimes he does this with several items on the same run.  He will open more than one pack or cheese and hack off bits.  He will eat out of the peanut butter jar with multiple dips with same spoon .

Sometimes he leaves the items out on counter other times he will put them back only partially closed.

As to being picky he now refuses to eat chicken at home but will get nuggets or strips at drivr throughs often.

The picky nonsence is so like a three year old.  The piggy and impolite food handling is just downright disrespectful to the three of us.

We have measures in place like having our own peanut butter he hates, and such as thst.  I dont buy certain items ahead now because they will be gluttonously gobbled.

At other times he will be jealous of even  cheap items because they were not for him.  I bought a couple of instant noodle bowls.  They were intended for a camping trip.  The kids and I were going to make some roasted pork and veggies over a fire and make a ramen soup using instamt noodle (minus the nasty powder, lol)

Two times recenly I woke up at three or so in the morning to him raiding and rummagin the pantry looking for those cheap ass noodles.  We have some ramen instant noodles that come in bundles with a band around them, but no, he needed the little bowls I bought for camping.  The second night I relented and handed them over. 

If I find them on sale or simply buy him a supply of them he will not be interested at all after perhaps one or two more snacks of them   He wanted them because they are salty with the packs, and because they were not bought for him.

Just wondering if others have piggy picky pds.

[Poison Ivy]

This would bother me a lot.  The behavior you describe reminds me a little of my ex-husband's dad, although your situation is worse.  My ex's dad would be picky during meals. (I haven't seen him in several years so I can't say whether he still does this.) I think it had less to do with the actual quality of the food and more to do with him seeing it as his inalienable right to complain about other people's cooking or food prep. When he did like a food, however, he would stay at the table for a long time and literally carve away at the food remaining on the table.  He was obese.  I think he basically had an eating disorder.

[1footouttadefog]

My pd had a eating disorder as well.  He is n glotton mode.  He used to be able to doet and quickly loose weigjt wjen he decoded to.  However this past decade or so this is not easy anymore and the last two years he has had a hear time starting ajs staying woth tue diet mode.

This childish eating is all the time now wjere in the oast it would be occasional and I would write off to stress at work etc. 

I have raised both the kids with good food handling skills as I hokd a liscence in my previous state and was a biology major at University. 

They are very aware and annoyed.  We keep ceetain things in a fridge downstairs.  They keep theor own cookies and snacks under cover just in case he decides they suit him despite not liking them.  These middle of night scavenges have seemingly variabke rules than normal eating times.

[Cascade]

My husband used to eat the cheese that I bought for making dinner, but I have discovered a solution. If i buy shredded cheese he leaves it alone. My husband will skip meals because he wants to lose weight and then an hour later he's eating junk food. He often ate things that I was saving for our kids or ate more than his fair  share of things.

[Whiteheron]

My husband used to eat the cheese that I bought for making dinner, but I have discovered a solution. If i buy shredded cheese he leaves it alone. My husband will skip meals because he wants to lose weight and then an hour later he's eating junk food. He often ate things that I was saving for our kids or ate more than his fair  share of things.

I was just about to write something very similar to this! Anything I bought or was saving for the kids was fair game. He should be allowed to eat it because he was hungry. 

He would refuse to eat what I prepared for dinner because he was trying to lose weight, but would then snack on cookies and cereal.

[TriedTooHard]

This is a lot for you to deal with, I am amazed at how much composure you've kept about this.

I haven't had to deal with this in my home life, but I have had to deal with it recently from an acquaintance, when she and her son came over to my house.  Sorry if this is changing the subject a bit. 

This was a new acquaintance, and her son is too young to diagnose or judge, but the son was displaying these behaviors, in my house!  Opening up cabinets, the freezer, the refrigerator.  Becoming irate at our choice of snacks, and throwing food around, especially the healthy snacks.  Keeping all of the unhealthy snacks to himself and eating them very rapidly.  The mother keeps herself very fit and trim, but has no problem encouraging her son's behavior.  She always gave me advice on what kinds of unhealthy, expensive food to buy to keep the kids quiet.  The last time they were here, the mother left the kid but she couldn't stay.  She offered me money for pizza, but I declined, because I had sandwich fixings, fruit, and chips, and said my kid had enough pizza for the week.  During the whole visit, the kid was very irate that he couldn't have pizza instead.  Was demanding why I didn't have my freezer stocked with junk food and why I couldn't prepare him something different.

That was the last time I heard from them and I have no plans on inviting them over again.  They probably think I'm cheap and stingy, which is fine by me, as long as I don't have to deal with this particular quirk again.

[clara]

My uNPDexh would do stuff like this, and I assume it was because he wanted to let me know how much in control he was when it came to food.  He never cooked, never even offered or acted like he knew how, but he wanted to tell me what to do and how to do it and would then refuse to eat what I cooked because he "didn't like" it.  Then he would go out and buy junk food or fast food and call that his meal and try to make me feel guilty for not doing better when it came to preparing meals.  It's was a no-win situation because no matter what I made or how I made it, he either wouldn't eat it, would complain about it, or would wait until it became "leftovers" where he would consume it then say there was nothing else for him to eat so he had to eat it!  It was all something of a game, and the more work I put into preparing a meal, the worse he was.  Once he even looked at something I'd prepared, which had taken me a long time to get together (I was working full-time and he was unemployed), said he didn't want it and left the house to get fast food. 

It wasn't about the food!

[Frankie14]

It wasn't about the food!

Oh Yes, I have one of these piggy greedy PD's...

H will purposefully tho I have asked him not to eat the last anything as we have two boys still at home; H doesn't care; H will eat the last of the bread, the last apple, eat the last banana, eat the last of the cold cuts for the boys lunches, eat more than a half a loaf of bread, slobbing it with butter so I have no bread for the boys sandwiches the next morning, and have run out of butter. 

H will eat all of their snacks for the lunch box, he will eat the last of their ice cream.   He just a couple weeks ago, ate all of the boys Hershey bars they bought for a camp out, when I went to the cupboard, H had left just the empty HUGE Hersehy bar wrappers in there, and ate their entire box of graham crackers.

My friend said me; your H does this to SHOW YOU HE CAN..because he COULD stuff his face privately outside of the home,  and on the way home from work.  She is 100%.  There are no less than 10 convenience stores and fast food places on his drive home from work. 

The fact that H that he is doing it in our home, right after he comes home from work and can literally stop ANYWHERE to stuff his face, but he would rather take my children's food, is to show us how angry and in control he is and how much he hates it here...It's for attention, to cause upset and chaos and I now ignore it, AND I now HIDE THE SNACKS, ALL OF THEM, and no longer buy ice cream.  If the boys get an ice cream treat we do that on the outside.

My H is 70 lbs over weight and obese, I am of normal weight and do not eat snacks..and would NEVER eat the last of anything in the home in case my children wanted it...ne.ver.

H will also gorge himself, about 8 pm when boys are showering, I will go upstairs to get their jammies and showers going, and then I will hear wrappers opening and since the boys are getting older now, they don't need me supervising their showers, so a month or so ago, I had them get into their showers and I came down stairs and surprised Little Piggy and he was literally physically with his back to the kitchen and facing a wall STUFFING the boys peanut butter crackers into his mouth.  And I coughed, so he heard me and turned and I gave him a tisk tisk Little Piggy you are caught look; and Husband SCREAMED, AM I NOT ALLOWED TO EAT ANYTHING IN THIS HOUSE....  I didn't even say a word and went back upstairs...

My boys and I came home Friday night from a birthday party, and again caught my H staring facing a wall with a fast food bag next to him stuffing a double cheeseburger into his mouth..like a sneaking fat little piggy...why not sit at a kitchen table, or eat that crap in your car, the distrubring fact that he brings it home to stuff his fat face while sneaking is just diabolical and disturbing..

So, long and the short, nope you are not alone...their behaviors are all so similar.

In my lifetime I have never stood in a kitchen facing a wall to stuff a double cheeseburger down my gullet.  H can gorge himself outside the home, he does it here to show defiance, and eating the boys food is to show he can...

It's not about the food!

[1footouttadefog]

I am wondering if the increase in and childishness of these behaviors are not yet another indication that my pdh may be becoming dementiad.

I have suspected it for sometime but have since starting this thread/posting read it in list of early signs of FTD.  Especially Behavior Variant Frontal Temporal Dementia.

We did an overnight trip with myself, pdh, the kids and our dog.

We have to take the dog as he wont go without it.  The kids and I take trips without him then do an overnight with him that caters to him and the dog.

We bought prime meat cuts, and took assorted veggies and foods to use on the overnight, cabin camp trip.  He wanted to eat on the way.  He ordered heavy.  The kids and I only ordered a small item as we were looking forward to our special dinner. 

On the way I stopped at a market to get something we were out of at home and a small bag of charcoal.  He wanted a bag of cookies.

When we got to the camp ground he bought a snack in the office.  Then he was talking about and asking about dinner.  We had just eaten a large meal 90 mina. earlier and a snack.

After a huge dinner he polished off the rest of cookies. 

Next day we are a large early lunch and a while later he wanted a milkskake.  Then bought a soda when we stopped for gas. 

I announced I was not cooking a supper so everyone could make a sandwich, salad, eat leftovers or snack on whatever.  He ate twice more. 

Greedy gluttony.  But that he asks many times what's for lunch and what's for dinner, is pretty worrying on another level as he should be able to remember.

[Lauren17]

I can relate to the behaviors and frustrations described here. It's so frustrating to find an entire pot roast eaten before you get home, or to remind him that the kids might have wanted to make cookies with the dough they made but he is "tasting" And then I'm accused of teaching the kids to hide food from him?! 
I've long suspected that uBPDh had an eating disorder, but never tied it to the BPD until I read this post. I agree that it's not about the food, but I believe in my situation, it's a serious lack of self control more than a power play.
All that said, here are two tips:
Google ice cream lock. Cheap and works well.
I've found that under/behind the veggies is a good place to hide things.

[Frankie14]

I agree that it's not about the food, but I believe in my situation, it's a serious lack of self control more than a power play.
All that said, here are two tips:
Google ice cream lock. Cheap and works well.
I've found that under/behind the veggies is a good place to hide things.

We hide ice cream in the freezer behind frozen veggies; and I have wrapped food/ice cream frozen pizzas in paper towels so H can't see it.

The serious lack of control is their entitlement. They are entitled to eat and to take anything they want. Even from their own children. They are takers.

I also think it's less about haha screw you kids, now you have no lunches tomorrow or haha now your mother (me!) has to scramble to find more food for you. Subconsciously it might be some of that. But I believe It's about entitlement to take. Wanton disregard for anyone else due to their lack of self control, their wants, their entitlement to their desire, what ever that might be.

[Andeza]

I don't have anyone in my household that does this, but wanted to mention my SIL's ingenious method of hiding ice cream from her 3 year old. She uses a giant, frozen broccoli bag, puts the ice cream inside it and leaves it in plain sight. Works like a charm. Good luck all, it's a hard bind to be in.

[all4peace]

I would like to encourage all of us, me included, to be careful about how we describe other humans. Terms like "piggy" are dehumanizing and not in the spirit of what this forum is about,  healing and growing after PD abuse.

To the OP, this isn't meant as a direct calling out of you, just a gentle reminder for all of us to be aware of what we're aiming for overall on this forum.

Carry on

[SparkStillLit]

I know it's been a minute, and not to unearth old topics, but gosh. I have a weird food one too, and it strikes me as  childish. Worrisome.
First it was chips, and mad that they were broken in the bag. I had to go all over creation to find a brand that he both liked and didn't have a lot of broken ones in the bag. At one point he raged at me "I DONT CARE JUST BUY A DIFFERENT BRAND!!!! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT ONCE IN A WHILE!!!!" after I told him we'd tried every brand.
Then it was ice cream. We ran out, and he got mad. I said, did you put it on the list? If it's not on the list, it doesn't get purchased. I've told everyone this. He raged, "JUST BUY ICE CREAM EVERY TIME!!! I'VE TOLD YOU A MILLION TIMES!!!"  The same thing happened with salami, and he said nearly the same thing, except with the addition of I LIKE SALAMI!!!! and I sort of wanted to laugh, because it was like a screaming toddler.
Now it's about meals, and I have noticed disgruntlement when he comes for seconds and there aren't any, or when he's asked to leave portions for others and he flips. So now he's told me he's not getting enough food. I agreed to make more, but I dared say something else, and he bit back with he's not getting enough FOOD!!!! I thought in my head well ffs we're not underprivileged and this isn't a 3rd world country, there's plenty of food in this house, you're a fully able adult, make yourself a flipping SANDWICH if you're still hungry!!!!!

[11JB68]

Oh spark, wow....SO much like my uOCPDh! See if you can find my post about popsiclegate! 

[SparkStillLit]

11 I read that one before I joined and I JUST couldn't believe it...thought of the chips and all that right off the bat!!

[Whiteheron]

Oh spark, wow....SO much like my uOCPDh! See if you can find my post about popsiclegate! 

I immediately thought of you when I read spark's post!