I/We - same same

[sejrussin]

It appears to me that in the mind of my uStbxNPH there is no difference between 'I' and 'we'. It's the same thing to him.  I do not exist in my own right or without him, I am just an extension of him.

We were out walking with some friends and we got talking about classic films.  Someone asked if I had seen such and such a film and I said No I hadn't seen the film.

uStbxNPH interjected and said 'yes, WE have seen that film'.  I know I hadn't seen it, but it occurred to me in that moment that when he talks about 'we', as in me and him, it could just as easily apply only to him.  I am just his shadow, and when I don't stay there, in the shade where apparently I belong, that's when the fireworks start.  The explosive anger, the criticisms and the blaming.  The dismissals and invalidations.  Great stuff.

I am a part of him (in his mind).  It sounds romantic, but it really isn't.

[Hazy111]

PDs often have trouble with boundaries and significant others in  their lives are often merged into their own psyche. It helps with their immature arrested development and view of the world.  To you see as a completely different person with your own needs and views complicates everything. 

Trying to understand someone genuinely means you have empathy, which they really struggle with, as it takes them away from their own self obsession and  chronic needs of narcissistic supply. 

As you correctly observed , you are often seen as a just extension of them. You dont exist as a separate entity.

[1footouttadefog]

An extention perhaps or maybe a belonging.