Bringing exH back to court

[facetothelight]

My uPDexH and I have been divorced over 2 years now.

However, a few months after our agreement was signed he stopped paying towards some of our kids' needs.

It's not child support but it was a supplemental figure we agreed to.

Our kids have some special needs and this was for more hands-on childcare so I could work/continue my career. Our custody schedule was built around his work schedule, and I had 75% custody...at the time it seemed fair if he contributed extra.

Technically, he pays his child support, but it's a very low, low number (that was his "on paper" number because he doesn't make a lot at his full-time job) which is why he agreed to pay a supplemental support for other needs. He has a side job that's off the books which would allow him to pay no problem.

The issue is that he just decided one day not to pay. No rhyme or reason except he said he doesn't have to.

After 1.5 years of trying to work with him on this in a reasonable manner, putting up with continued verbal and emotional abuse whenever I'm around him (I was trying to keep things copacetic for our very young kids), I finally went low-to-no contact with him a few months ago, and a few weeks ago I retained an attorney.

I knew this was going to send him into another dimension - and it's not like when we were married and he could just verbally harass and abuse me - so he has started the smear campaign.

Lord knows exactly what he is saying but his family members that used to stay friendly with me (obviously because of the kids) refuse to speak to me.

He is getting invited to my neighbors' kids' birthdays and they're not telling me about any parties...even though I actually live nextdoor to these people, say hello to them, send them holiday cards. So it's extended to them too, I guess.

I'm letting my attorney sort this out. I've been doing better at decentering him and the related drama from my life (it took a very long time).

And as far as the money, I've simply gotten a second job and decided to let the courts deal with him. I'll pay the bills in the meantime.

Saw him at my son's sports practice this past weekend (exH also doesn't give me any money toward kids' activities).

He is walking around in brand new clothes and shoes like he is on top of the world. Saying hello to everyone like he's the mayor of the town. If I didn't know him, I'd think "wow, look at that dude enjoying his life!"

I'm gray rocking but...is it ok if one day, just one day...I scream "Does anyone not realize this man is an  ?@&$!!"

 

[notrightinthehead]

Scream if you must or enroll  in a kickboxing class and think of him while you hit that sandbag, or write insults on paper (destroy afterwards, don't let the kids find it).
I would find that so unfair from your neighbors, but there you are- they show you who they are, radical acceptance is the answer.
Do you have a support network? I know it takes another bite of your time and you have nothing to spare, but it might help you keep your serenity.

[Boat Babe]

Hi Facetothelight. This sounds horrible and you have my full sympathy. I think you will need to get your head round the fact that you are now playing the long game of being the sane, loving, hardworking parent. You have done the biggest, scariest thing which is the divorce - well done. Now it's a bit of a marathon as you raise your kids whilst having to deal with a malignant ex in the background. So, you get all the support you can, you self care to the max in order to stay strong and on top of things and you wait for him to fuck up. Because he will.

[facetothelight]

Thank you both!

I like the idea of kickboxing. I do try and run a few times per week and that is definitely helpful.

It's exhausting at times but like I said, the more I sort of...forget about him, the better life gets.

I also have a boyfriend - who is very kind and a good dad - and that is helping me move on.

It sucks to work so much but I'll take that over having to live in fear that this man won't pay me what he's supposed to. Just another control tactic!