The stranger who sat next to me and her boyfriend

[Blueberry Pancakes]

I suppose many of us here feel very tuned into narcissism and dysfunction in relationships, but what do you do when you witness "triggering" interactions between two adult strangers in public? I suppose there is not much we can do?   
A few weeks ago I was at the mall and decided to stop into the adjoining restaurant for lunch and sat at the bar reading a magazine. A woman came in alone and sat next to me.  She said hello and we chatted briefly about something we had both purchased from the same store, and she seemed quite pleasant. A short while later her boyfriend walked in and sat next to her. He had a scowl on his face, and asked her who I was. She told him I was sitting there when she walked in. He never greeted me or even looked at me. I noticed her entire demeanor changed when he arrived. He turned his chair toward her like he was closing off everyone around. He pulled her chair closer to his. I continued reading my magazine and finishing my lunch. However, I could not ignore the fact that they were having some disagreement about him moving in with her. He wanted to move in, and she was unsure.  He was telling her she was wrong to doubt their relationship and she should know better by now. She just shrugged. He was focused in on her with laser beam eyes. Anytime she looked around, he would look in the same direction to see what she was looking at.  Their whole body language and the few words I could hear sounded like this was just not a happy relationship.
When I got up to leave, I leaned over and said to the waiter that I was going to the restroom, and would return to pay the bill. I said it loud enough so this woman could hear. Secretly, I hoped she would follow me and I could talk to her to at least tell her if she had any doubts about this man, to please take time to reconsider. However, I saw how her boyfriend starring daggers at her and was holding her chair and I knew she was unlikely to do that.  So, I just came back paid the bill and walked out.  I have not forgotten her though and I know there is nothing I could have done when both individuals are adults.  I wondered if I am too sensitive and making something out of nothing. Is there a right way or a best thing to do when you are just an observer with no proof of anything?  Thanks. 

[clara]

Your attempt to get the woman away from the bf in order to talk to her was a really generous, and ingenious!, move on your part and it's too bad she didn't pick up on it, but honestly, in so many dysfunctional relationships the people involved aren't interested in hearing what someone else has to say, they won't change anything until they make the decision things need to change for themselves.  They may listen to what you have to say, but it likely won't register as applicable to them or their relationship.  So, I learned not to give my opinion unless it's asked, even if that person is a family member.  My brother is married to a NPD and she treats him like crap, but you can't say anything to him about it because then you become the "bad guy" (my mom tried to talk to him about his wife but the result was he went NC with mom for several months).  It's a real shame because often you can see the crash coming but you can't stop it.  I think once you become aware of PD relationships and how they work--because you've been in them--you can more easily see them in others, or even if they're not actually PD, can see the problems for what they are, but too often that's all you can do--just observe, and then feel bad for what you're observing.  But honestly, if someone had told me years ago about my NPD husband before I married him, I wouldn't have believed them or taken them serious because I didn't want to see the abuse that was taking place (and it was on display before we married).  I didn't see because I didn't want to, and I think many people are like I was. 

[newlife33]

I know exactly how you feel.  It's so jarring and sad to see someone obviously stuck in abuse.  I wish there was a switch I could flip on the back of peoples necks that would wake them up and tune them in to what is happening to them.  That women was probably just like me, she was raised by abusive people and is just attracted to them without even knowing why.

While it is sad for her, its nice that you are out and on the otherside of it.  Even if you didn't get her out, hopefully every good person she meets will leave her breadcrumbs that lead her out and away from abuse.

[freddyb]

who knows the dynamic on this one, I would take a step back in my own mind from assigning blame, right/wrong or concluding someone is being abusive to someone else.  Maybe they just had an argument over a legitimate issue and he had a legitimate right to feel angry with her, and she was feeling sheepish and tried to rationalize it for herself and minimize the damage to him.  She didnt seem to present as scared of him.  He clearly kept a lid on it whatever it was.  Maybe he is abusive to her and she hasn't figured it out yet and is making excuses for him, or maybe she is abusive to him and manipulating this fellow and he doesn't know how to handle being manipulated and being in public realizes he can't be visibly angry.  Whatever the reason for their behavior, you don't have enough information to make a solid conclusion of what was going on here.  So I'd just chalk it up to that, and tell myself, "oh well, whatever that was about!" and put it to bed. 

[Blueberry Pancakes]

Just a note of thanks to those who replied to my post. All good insights here. Thanks.