Smear campaign from dBPD former roommate is getting me evicted!

[didntsignupforthis]

It's been a few months since I last posted about my situation, and it's been a rollercoaster. To recap: I was renting an apartment and subletting out 2 of the rooms, until the two subletters (dBPD and uNPD) ganged up on me and began harassing me daily. The uNPD person eventually moved, but physically attacked me on her last day. I terminated my lease the same day and moved to get away from the dBPD person. During my last month in my apartment, the dBPD roommate called the police 7 times with false allegations against me to bolster her petition for a restraining order against me!

I moved and got a new roommate for my new place, and thought things would be better, but they just got worse. My former subletter refused to move at the last minute, taking over my former home and creating legal and financial problems for the landlord, who blamed me and began sending me angry messages. My former subletter launched a smear campaign and destroyed my relationships with my neighbors, who then spread the lies to my new roommate. When I discovered her petition for a restraining order against me (which ultimately was dismissed), I filed a restraining order against her. But before I could serve her, my new roommate revealed that she'd become friends with the dBPD person and believed all the stories about me, so she'd make it her personal mission to make sure I can never treat anyone else according to the lies she'd been told. She refused to even look at the evidence that she'd been lied to.

My new roommate began acting like a raging NPD, shouting and screaming at me, calling me names and swearing at me, taunting me and mocking me daily, sometimes the entire day. I'd been down this road before, so I knew to stay calm, not engage, etc. She kept telling me to move, so it was clear her goal was to do the same as the dBPD person did - drive me out of my home so she could take it over. I told her I wasn't going anywhere, so she ramped up her efforts by constantly contacting the landlord with lies about me. She repeated the same lies from the smear campaign, so the landlord thought they must be true, and he sent me even more angry messages. Each time she did this, I calmly and factually responded to the landlord with evidence that she was lying and that in fact I was the one being harassed. The landlord, still angry about the situation with the former subletter taking over his property, refused to even acknowledge any of my refutations and kept siding with my new roommate despite all the evidence, offering me no support from the harassment I was experiencing and essentially making it much worse by enabling it.

But I still refused to be driven out of my home a second time, so my roommate escalated to threatening my health. I explained from day one that I get sick from smoke exposure, so the home has to be smoke-free including no incense. I even made sure it was in the lease. So the new roommate began burning incense - a lot of it - and filling the apartment with smoke. I told her she was breaching the lease, I tried closing her bedroom door to contain the smoke, I put a fan near her door to blow the smoke back into her room, and repeatedly told her she was threatening her health. I even asked for the property manager's help and was ignored. So finally I told her if she didn't stop I'd call the police. She wouldn't stop, so I called the police. She still didn't stop, and I was being physically forced out of my home (and being treated for smoke inhalation), so I filed a restraining order against her. She immediately violated the restraining order after being served, so I had the police talk to her about it and explain next time she gets arrested.

She then rallied all those involved in the smear campaign to sign a petition to get me evicted. The landlord sent me a series of abusive emails and texts, pressuring me to cancel the restraining order and move. I sent the landlord a copy of the restraining order detailing the evidence of the harassment I'd been enduring, a response to the petition briefly addressing the false allegations, and a reminder of my right to quiet enjoyment free from harassment and abuse. I got no acknowledgment or response, but since it was clear I wasn't going to be bullied into moving yet again, my new roommate decided to move to avoid violating the restraining order again. Finally some relief!

Soon after the new roommate moved out, I had to serve my former subletter with her restraining order before time ran out. The court offers mediation services, and it was my hope that through mediation I could get her to stop her smear campaign against me. After several hours in mediation, trying every BPD trick in the book, she finally agreed - but at the very last minute in front of the judge she refused to sign. So the judge gave us a new court date to try again. The next day I got an email from the property manager saying I was going to be evicted because I had served my former subletter with her restraining order! So now I'm facing a legal battle to fight eviction. Oh also, my former subletter filed a bogus civil rights complaint against me, claiming I discriminated against her, so I'm dealing with that too.

It boggles my mind just how much damage one vengeful person can cause with nothing but lies. Absolutely no one but the court system cares about evidence, and people that I had always been friendly with have made it their personal mission to destroy me based solely on these stories they'd heard. And they are real whoppers, claims of sexual assault, embezzlement, etc - things you would think someone at some point would wonder why there's no police record of these alleged crimes. It's seriously alarming how little truth matters.

[bloomie]

didntsignupforthis - It has to be so disheartening to encounter this ongoing cycle of false accusations. This all must take a serious toll on your health, not to mention, living in this atmosphere has to be excruciating.

My hope for you is that now that the second roommate has moved on and you have stood firm against your landlord attempting to remove you that you can disengage from all of these people and build a new community around you and live in peace.

[Starboard Song]

It boggles my mind just how much damage one vengeful person can cause with nothing but lies.... It's seriously alarming how little truth matters.

I am so sorry for your loss. And it is loss.

I am with bloomie: I hope you can break free and clear now, and get started over away from this fit of smearing. You deserve some peace.

[didntsignupforthis]

Thank you bloomie and Starboard Song for responding, and for your kind words. It's been (and continues to be) extremely taxing emotionally, physically, and now also financially. If I had options I would just move, but I'm struggling to get a job and no one will rent to me without an income. I was able to get a therapist a few months back to help me with the anxiety this has caused, and that's been a crucial support. I've stopped talking to any remaining friends about what I've been going through, because I've had friends flip on me and become flying monkeys, using personal information against me. So this has been a very lonely experience.

[didntsignupforthis]

I have some good news to share! I had restraining order hearings for both harassing ex-roommates. For the newest ex-roommate, we settled on her no longer talking about me, and in exchange I dropped the temporary restraining order, with a compliance date in a few months to check in on whether she's been complying. I haven't heard anything from or about her since.

Regarding the BPD ex-subletter at the center of it all, I was able to prove in court that she had lied repeatedly in court filings under penalty of perjury, and she continued to lie under oath during the hearing, so the judge was very stern with her. I was granted a 3-year restraining order, with even stricter conditions than the original temporary restraining order. Now if she tells any more lies about me she'll be arrested, and could also face defamation charges and/or be sanctioned by the court.

Regarding the threat of eviction, I sent the landlord a legal notice that he's been violating my tenant rights. I haven't heard a word from him since, and the threatened timeline for eviction has long passed.

So after much persistence - and a ton of well-organized documentation - I've finally regained some peace and stability in my home. I'm sure some neighbors still believe the lies about me (even though some of them were at the hearings and heard my testimony), but they know to leave me alone and stop participating in the smear campaign.

Thank you to this group for being a much-needed support when support was very hard to come by!

[bloomie]

didntsignupforthis  -   What a fantastic victory!!! I am celebrating your resilience and strength and these outcomes with you!!!!!!

Thank you so much for coming back and sharing. So encouraging to hear of the court's ability to see through the lies and the real and potential harm this has been in your life!! WOW!!!!

[didntsignupforthis]

It's been 5 months since the last update, so I thought I would give another one. I haven't heard anything new from my last ex-roommate since she moved out, but her new roommate found me online and reached out to me in fear when she began exhibiting the same toxic behaviors with them. I was hesitant to get involved, but listened to them and validated their experience and feelings. That gave them the courage to stand up to her, and she eventually moved out of that home too. They suspect that our mutual former roommate is BPD; I think it may be that and/or NPD. I've been working with my therapist on not caring so much about what others think, but it was so helpful for me to hear from someone else who had experienced her toxic behaviors, since no one believed me.

Ultimately, nearly everyone involved in the smear campaign against me moved away. Since my last update, when I successfully stood up for myself, I've gone about my life with my head held high, no longer hiding. Watching me peacefully working in my garden, relaxing on my porch, or walking in the neighborhood, I suspect they eventually couldn't face the cognitive dissonance of their actions not being justified as they had believed. None of them ever apologized to me for their role in it.

The dBPD person who started it all against me is the only one who hasn't moved - yet. She's toed the line of violating the restraining order several times, but not yet to the point that I've felt the need to call the police. She actually called the police on me again a month ago, claiming that I was trying to provoke her into violating the restraining order by looking out my living room window. The police told her I hadn't done anything wrong, and as long as she doesn't violate the restraining order she won't have a problem. I think the tension of really wanting to harass me more while also really wanting to avoid jail has been eating at her, because she's been overtly spiraling. I think she may even be in a psych facility at the moment.

As for my landlord who threatened me with eviction, he went completely silent - to the point that he's ignored necessary maintenance issues. I ultimately had to report the code violations to the city to get him to deal with them, and I'm taking other steps to assert my rights as a tenant.

So overall things are far more peaceful, but still not fully resolved. So much damage spread to so many lives - all started by one person! And yet, if you were to ask most of these other people negatively impacted, they would probably still claim it was my fault, even if they secretly knew better.

[bloomie]

didntsignupforthis - I feel like I can hear the resolve in your post. Very inspiring. I am grateful you got some validation, but sad for others that they had to endure some of what you did with this roommate.

[didntsignupforthis]

Thank you Bloomie. It's because of the other victims that I found the resolve to finally stand up and fight back. Once I understood that it was in these people's nature to be toxic, I knew it wasn't really about me - that there had to have been victims before me, and would be victims after me. I had already known about some of my former subletter's victims; when we lived together, I often heard her verbally abusing her parents and her boyfriend, and she had told similar lies about them as the ones she later told about me (e.g. about her being the victim of their abusiveness vs the other way around). I saw how her family and b.f. acquiesced to her abuse over and over, and resolved not to do that when she would eventually turn on me, which I figured was just a matter of time. Still, it was hard to maintain that resolve, and I spent a lot of time hiding or shrinking away when she was around, and eventually even let her drive me out of my home. What clicked for me was when I realized that each of these toxic people behaved as badly as they did toward me because it had worked for them in the past...and if they get their way with me too, that would be even more validation for them to ramp up the abuse with their next victims. By standing up to them and fighting back, they would finally learn that there can be consequences when they take it too far. It seems I was right, because my last ex-roommate didn't take it nearly as far with her next victim as she had with me, and when her new roommate stood up to her too after talking with me, she moved out.