Suicide Bating and Stonewalling

[defeated31]

Hey, so first time posting on this website.

So, I am part of a family of 6. My older sister lives elsewhere and for the most part dosent get involved when it comes to family, so shes not really involved in this. Shes my older sister, other than that, I am the second oldest.

I have two little sisters. They are twins, and despite having fought their whole lives (I've always had to be the one who didnt side with either, and just tried to support both of them) apparently in this case, what one says, goes.

Ive also always spoiled them, I guess. I love them so much, and they were born when I was still quite young but old enough to help bring them up.
One of them is diagnosed with BPD, and has many incidents, which I have always helped her with.
The other has no diagnosis, so I want to be very careful what I say here, but a lot of us have noticed symptoms suggesting narcissistic personality disorder.

Recently, I believe in large part because she regretted confiding in me about her life, though it is hard to say, she invented a problem - she thought of the smallest issue she could have with me, and despite all proof to the contrary, she had no interest in the truth, nor was the fight actually about what she claimed to be angry about.

Now I am a complex individual. Family comes first, and I also used to value career very highly, I got my degrees, and I planned to open my own practice when I got sick 6 years ago. I suffer from multiple chronic health conditions, and have lost a lot because of it. A few years ago, I felt I had lost so much, and when I was told my health would only get worse, I feared I would be nothing but a burden on those I loved, and genuinely considered taking my life. I didnt confide this in my sister in question, but I know she was told about this.

She came up to me, and just let loose on me, it was one of those things when someone desperately wants to hurt you, and will say anything. She called me a pathetic child, a user, that I didnt deserve help from the family, or the family at all, that I didnt deserve my fiancee (we are getting married in December she is supposed to be a bridesmaid) that I didnt deserve anyone in my life because the only reason they are there is cause I manipulate them, that theres nothing likable about me. She brought up my inability to have children (it is a very sore subject) she said I was a burden and that no one needed nor wanted me around. She claimed that my family was all sick of me (this was verified as not true, just something said to hurt me) and while I begged her to stop, told her some things cant be taken back, asked her to leave me be, she told me she was quite happy here and could do this all day. She told me that the fact that I have taken her on trips and given her little gifts since she was young was so I could say I had (I dont talk about it except for using it in this example and she messed with a cherished memory by saying this). After all this, I did say this: "If you feel I dont deserve my fiancee, why would you want to be at the wedding?"

I left. She told my other little sister that I disinvited her from the wedding, and that she was the victim here. She convinced her to stonewall me with her, and despite me reaching out, saying I love her, that I want to talk, and asking my other sister to please reach out, its been a month and nothing.

I havent taken action yet. My incination at this point is to give up, to take them both out the wedding, to tell them I love them and I will always hear them out if they want to talk, but that I cant just wait around any more. What my sister said had a very intense effect on my mental health, as she knew it would, and I have not been the same since.

I'm not sure what Im asking. I'm unsure of how to handle it. My mother dosent agree with anything my sister said (she heard most of it) but dosent want to confront anyone as she dosent like confrontation. My father does not like emotional things and is choosing not to get involved. And as I said, my other sister never gets involved.

My friends, fiancee, etc all want to send messages, or go down there, but I have not let them. I am unsure of how to proceed only that I cant take much more of this without taking some action.

I love them so much. I'm not here to criticize them. I just feel defeated.

[scapegoatnumerouno]

My story is very much like yours.  My younger sister sent me a long nasty text and advised me that no one in the family liked it when I visited my moms house and then proceeded to tell me that I was no longer my nieces god mother and that she was re-baptizing her with my two brothers as god-parents.  Her only goal in all of this was to hurt the hell out of me and to do it in a public way!  That is it...just cause as much damage as possible.  My mothers response to this text message was "do you know how much this hurts me?"  The baptism happened and my mother threw the party after...   I choose no contact with my entire FOO.  I have been no contact for almost three years and since I went no contact I see things different in regards to my FOO.  Frankly, they suck and always have.  The whole "I dont want to get involved stuff is pure bullsh@#!!!!  They sure all went to the re-baptism...

I know that you arent no contact and your wedding is coming up.  In my opinion I think you should take a really long look at keeping these people in your wedding, or even inviting them for that matter.  Believe me when I tell you, as mad and upset you are right now about this, you still see it as normal and kind of ok.  I did my whole life.  Now that Im out.....wow is this stuff not normal and just so nasty!  If this had been my situation years ago I know what would have happened...I would have had my sister in my wedding and then however long after, when she got married I would have been left out.  See, to some people this stuff is just fun!  screwing with people is fun.  And to be honest, I believe that there are several in my FOO who had fun with all this baptism drama also.  They didnt "do anything" against me...but really they did.  I liken it to them standing by watching be get hit by a train.  In my mind they are just as guilty as my younger sister. 

I really feel for you.  I hope that one day you will be able to get yourself away from this toxic system!!!!