Sister with fleas ripped open an old wound

[DaisyGirl77]

I have 2 younger sisters.  We all have fleas to varying extents due to growing up with our uNM & eF.  I think Sis2 escaped the worst of it because she was lucky to have a very closeknit friend group & spent a lot of time at their homes & not ours.  I have the worst since I was the scapegoat.  Sis1...  Well...  She has this habit of purposefully obfuscating any & all minor details.  You could ask her how work was & she'd tell you an unrelated something that happened three weeks ago.  So on & so forth.  So hiding things/secret-keeping (from me only) was a thing all throughout my childhood & continues even now.  Yesterday she & I were texting & I'd invited her to come with me to a place locally to try & get good pictures of the Jupiter/Saturn conjunction.  She said she had to drop off a car seat to Sis2.  The following (paraphrased) conversation happened:

Me (having no idea a second car seat existed & confused as to why Sis2 suddenly needed it):  Why would you have her car seat?
Sis1:  In case of an emergency.
Me:  Oh, so you've got a spare?
Sis1:  Second car seat Sis2 has is at home here with me.
Me:  I'm so confused.  Sis2 has one already.  Why does she need this one?
Sis1:  She wants it back.

I gave up & texted Sis2 to make sure she & her son were okay because I got really concerned.  Sis2 said she has a second one at Sis1's house for the times when her boyfriend needs to use her car for his job instead of his own.

There yanked open Child Daisy's forgotten wound.  On top of this, I've been working from home since COVID hit & most of my interactions with my coworkers are via IM.  I left a question in the group & they unknowingly walked right into that wound & squished salt in it, cutting it deeper, etc.  I finally had enough & got a little snippy with one of them, took a breather, & came back & apologized for being snippy & just said I found a button I need to break.

But this is the second day & I'm still feeling small, worthless, & undeserving again just over this.  Spiraling into that rejection & those old thought patterns.  ("They don't want me here.  They didn't invite me over for Christmas Day."  Even though we're all isolating by choice because *waves hand at 2020* & not celebrating like we normally do.)  Since it's a holiday & I don't want to disturb my therapist to discuss this when we already have an appointment scheduled for Monday, I thought I'd reach out here for support.  I'd like a hug & some reassurance from your OOTFers who get it & what you've decided to do with people like this in your life.  Thanks.

[DistanceNotDefense]

I'm so sorry DaisyGirl.

I don't have a lot of time right now to write how much I really want to, but I do want you to know I totally understand that dynamic and how it would make you feel. It absolutely sucks and is unfair.

It's easy to feel like you're being the wet blanket/sensitive one about it, but you're really not, even if they make you feel that way. (That's how I was always made to feel and those words can be so triggering...and making someone feel that way makes them feel so important). I was maneuvered in this way by my two sisters last year. (Oh, and my M totally stood by and watched it unfold, and even helped!) It was a betrayal, to say the least.

The advice I gave myself, and maybe you'll benefit from it too....

...Let them have each other!

If they want a throw a circus, they'll need someone else to buy the tickets because it's not your circus or your monkeys. Don't pay for their show.

Hope your holiday gets easier and a hug if you need one