The way a groom treated me with disdain at my cousin wedding. Feeling awful

[roseberry200]

I remember i went to a wedding and my cousin keep boasting about this man she met, (She been wanted to get married badly)and saying he was great and amazing. and she begged me to go to her wedding. I sucked it up and went despite my anxiety. I go there, greet him say hello , shake hands and smile. As soon as i smiled his face fell. i panicked instantly and wanted to go the mirror right away. I am sensitive to facial expressions, every dirty look or look of disapproval it triggers me back to my bullying days and makes me want to hide. That was not a good sign. I did have a photographer look sorta funny as well. Again i wanted to go the mirror. I walked away quickly after that. i checked the mirror my eyeliner was a bit smudged and hair got poofy from the humidity.

I noticed my cousin husband was fine with everyone, smiling with other people, even if he was nervous was polite to them. With me, huge different story!!! He was uncomfortable around me and made it apparent to show me that he felt slighted around me and that i was an annoyance. Just for being happy for my cousin get married?? by being positive and wanted to congratulate? This dude was in his late 40s and i was in my early 20s, how is someone nearly 20 years older than me thought it was okay to act this way is beyond me.

As me and my mom were leaving to go home. the groom was hugging and telling everyone 'thanks for coming' as they were leaving. He hugged my mom, he saw me, and gave me a straight up hostile look and does not say anything. I felt awkward and was like um.... the first thing that popped out was 'Nice to meet you!" and he says in such a cold tone 'thank you' and walks away and literally turned his back to me when i was in his field of vision and continues to greet and talk to other guests. I couldn't help but feel slighted and hurt. I went home overthinking, thinking why he reacted so negative to me like that. I thought maybe it because he didnt know me well. But he didnt know my mom and he hugged her and was polite to her. He was fine with my other cousins he didnt know well and greeted them fine. Maybe he sensed my nerves and he got nervous back which made him cold.  He seems like a tense and anxious person, but so am i and never would treat a person this way.

I dont think i was the most offensive looking person there. Why was i the one to be left out and treated bad?.Thats what bothered me, the different treatment. His body language made it clear iI made such a negative impression and disgusted him that he had to turn his back and talk to me in a very cold manner. I think it had to do with my looks or else why treat someone you never met so coldy? it makes me sad and not want to show my face because im scared of other people reacting to me like that which is why i avoid social situations

Everyone else seemed fine with me, some people said i looked so beautiful which i couldnt believe and they were nice, and full of smiles except for that douche and that photographer sorta looking at me like a deer in the headlights. i Me having BDD, of course i always focus on the negative. A million positive things can happen to me, but there is 1 in million that is negative, my brain will focus more on that.

I had to see him again when he drove all of us when we went to another wedding, again he was cold, purposely excluded out of the photo when we are in the photo booth when i tried to pose next to my cousin but just suddenly and roughly grabbing her to take a pic. ike i was not there! that picture came out so awkward, i was just standing there to the side alone looking confused! And he only wrote his and my cousin name, on the picture when sending it off to the bride, like i was not in the picture! How rude! I felt like it was on purpose, to get back at me or something. Or prove how much he dislikes me. He was visibly annoyed by my presence (Sighing, looking around everywhere but me looking panicked, when my cousin told me she wanted me to take picture of them ) i dont think i ever seen anyone so triggered and offended by my presence like that,. sorry i exist . that was not my fault!

I wish i stood up for myself and said something than let him treat me like that!  my cousin likes to brag to the family how he is 'the best guy' which hurts to hear because he is not a nice person, she only thinks that way because he gives her money every week and gave her money to help build a house in her native country.  Giving you money does not mean he is the best!!! He does not even talk to our family and their relationship is very very strange. My cousin is not fluent in English and he is not fluent in Spanish, he doesnt help her to improve her English (my cousin even wanted to use me as her translator one time when begging me to go to her house. i didnt go because i didnt want her to use me or see that disgusting  guy) and lied to her about wanting kids. How is that "the best guy' she claims to have met? She says he does not even talk to our family and is super quiet. I dont see how she is not bored to death if they barely have communication  or even understand each other  due to the language barrier and how emotion- less he is. Not to mention rude and cold. she was desperate to get married and chose this snob. she cant even see what a real relationship is like and is not just about money.

[pianissimo]

While reading your post, a couple of questions that popped into my head are:
Are you close with your cousin? What was your place in the wedding in relation to your cousin? Is it possible you came between your cousin and her husband in some way? The way he treats you when taking pictures makes me think that perhaps he doesn't want you there,  not because he doesn't like you, but he wants the photo booth to be a couple event between him and your cousin. I think it's up to your cousin to stand up for you, because she is the one who invites you to these events. You are her guest.
   
Is your cousin getting something out of this dynamic between her husband and you? It sounds like she's making him jealous in some way, and the husband thinks it should be you who should say no to your cousin's inclusion of you between them . If it were me, I would tell the cousin "You are inviting me to these events with your husband there, but he behaves like he doesn't want me there. I feel uncomfortable in that situation".

From what you describe here, it's not possible for me to tell what exactly is going on though. Perhaps he is abusive and controlling, and perhaps your relationship with the cousin is threatening him. But, again, I think your cousin's husband treating you badly is him crossing your cousin's boundary. I think she should be the one to tell her husband that you are her cousin and he can't treat you poorly when she wants you around.

In either case though,it might be wise to remove yourself from the situation.

Sorry in advance if what I say here doesn't apply to the situation in your post. I think you weren't sensitive in your interaction, I also expect people who I just meet to shake my hand with a smile, because why wouldn't they? The photographer might have looked funny because he might have also noticed something was up with the situation! Here, it's possible you observed evertyhing quite right, but perhaps you assumed it was all about you. In the end, it sounds like you did quite well in supporting your cousin despite your anxiety and people's negativity.

[roseberry200]

To be honest, i am not close with her at all. I only met her once. She grew up in my mother home country, she came to visit us once and that was the first time i saw her and got to know her and talk to her. She wanted to move here and marry a guy from here (America) and then she found that jerk. She came to visit us a second time and to personally invite me to her wedding, she invited me the second time she saw me and kept pleading for me to come and how much it would mean to her. I was nervous as heck but i agreed since she really wanted me there. I really did not want to go though and for sure i would of been better off not going because then i never would have had to encountered that unpleasant situations and that incredibly rude person that she married.  I was there to support her.

I dont even think her jerk of husband was aware i was her cousin at first, i said hi to him but my cousin didnt introduce me to him, and neither did i just said hi and smiled and nice to meet you in which he responded pretty badly to me.  But even if he did not know who i was at first still doest give him right to treat me like that. Thats why the second time i saw him when he drove us to a wedding of my other relative, i decided to act cold to him in return and not speak or try to stay away from his presence. It was hard though because my cousin noticed my anxiety and kept asking me if i was okay and kept asking where i was and wanted to talk to with me, i had a hard time  trying to tell her her husband was making me feel uncomfortable because of his negative energy towards me since im scared of confrontation.  He was fine with my mom and other cousins  though he doesn't really talk to our family but he really seemed to dislike my presence and not want me around which hurt in return. Perhaps he feels uncomfortable around me which provokes his cold behavior towards me.  I saw him talking and treating my mom just fine and politely but with me it was a different story which leads me to believe he has something against me. Though, My mom also describes him as a 'robot' that does not talk lol

It also hurt me that my cousin didn't say anything in the photo booth. I didn't even want to take the picture with her and wish i refused or left, i felt humiliated.   But you know what? there is a language barrier. she is not fluent in English and he is not fluent in her language which is Spanish which i find a very strange dynamic.  They hardly even communicate with each other, they barely spoke in their own wedding and in the other wedding we went to.  She cites him as very quiet and does not speak much. But still does not give an excuse to treat me like that. The fact my cousin just sort of glosses over it or ignores his behavior and continues to pain him as 'the best' is just astonishing and in deep denial. She was desperate to get married and tries to delude her self thinking she got a nice man when in reality she didn't. She just does not want to be alone.

I noticed something strange, in that other wedding, i tried talking to  a relative but they sort of brushed me off and dismissed, and her husband was standing and watching me and that event and was smirking, like WTF?? what kind of a sicko, almost seemed he was taking pleasure of people treating me rudely or something.  Like you dont want me there, ok, i dont want him there either but i never would openly show it to anyone. He shoulda first let me and my cousin take a pic, then tell my cousin he wants to take pic of him and her, just leaving me out like that was so rude, id rather be told something than just excluded like that i didnt know what to do but stand awkwardly and wishing to disappear, writing only his and her name too on that picture while i was on it i also found disrespectful, and my cousin should have said something since she saw that. Very hurtful.

I never want to see him again. Funny she told me to come to her house and i said no, i knew if i go there, he wouldnt want me there and he would kept treating me cold there and would had another bad experience. She wanted me to go their house to help translate because he doesnt even bother to help her with learning more English and dismisses when she asks for feedback on her English  but remembering how he treated me in the wedding there no way i would put myself in tht situation where it just us three again. If she ever comes back im going to confront on the behavior of her asshole of a ''husband'' she has

Thanks for your support and words and for understanding, i also think he has no manners at all and is socially inept because anyone who is sane, kind, with a knowledge of social skills knows its unacceptable to act this way to anyone they just met or the family of their spouse