Ex trying to charm the family court

[sevenyears]

Hi everyone. It's been a long time since I last posted on this board. I'd like to hear your experience with uPDEx's and the abuse cycle at court. We've been battling for two years over custody in education because my Ex disagrees with my decision to enrol our son in a particular school (he is growing up bilingual and children learn both languages). The first judge refused to decide the case, saying there was no endangerment of our child. Fast forward two years: ExH has two child welfare complaints against him - one by our son's school, which they withdrew. And one by the school board which is ongoing. Now that various child welfare agencies are watching us, ExH is suddenly being cooperative and has stopped fighting our son's school. And, his manipulation of the children seems to have plateaued (although a lot of damage has already been done). I'm glad that he is cooperating right now, because the situation is much less stressful, especially for the children, but I know he hasn't changed and this is all an act. How have you all dealt with this? I feel whiplashed.

[Penny Lane]

This seems trite, and easier said than done, but we try to enjoy it. We have been immersed in so much conflict for so long that having a little breather is a great opportunity for us to focus on ourselves, for DH to heal, to work on instilling the kids with important skills. Etc.

Our BM cycles like this. When they are in court she works with DH although picks public fights with him. When she has a new bf she pretty much ignores us all (DH and me AND the kids). When she inevitably breaks up with her boyfriend she gets real nasty and controlling.

For what it's worth, the good periods have been longer and longer and the bad periods have been shorter and less intense. I think some of that is DH's boundaries and some of it is that she's focusing her anger on other people (she has a lot of ex boyfriends who are more recent than DH!). I think you might see more and more of this as time goes on. It's not good, but it's better. It feels like whiplash but it's really just part of the same cycle, and seeing it as such helped us enjoy it while it lasted (however short).

[escapingman]

sevenyears, it's frustrating isn't it? I had the same going through the custody battle with uNPDxw, after initially showing school who she is behind the mask and several recordings of her abusing the children she put on a mask and became good. She charmed them all and despite all facts and evidence, she was now the poor mum that was being accused of these horrible things that she so deeply regretted but never admitted or apologised for. Needles to say they all believed her and she got what she wanted, it's not fair but that's life with a PD involved and no education for the legal system.

Good luck, I really hope you get what you want and need.