Day 4 from Escape

[whatamaroon]

Hi Guys! First time poster.
I can't believe how many of us are going through the same thing. I've read and ready all your stories and they are all right out of my life. I'm coming out of 20 years married to someone who was toxic from the get go, but because of my codependency issues and our kids, it just kept right on going. I feel like I've been wanting to break up with him since we started. I feel like an idiot for letting it go this long. Towards the end (past year) he was just so nasty and mean practically all the time, that I could not even think straight anymore. So I left, my DD10 I left with him, because it was the practical thing to do (he's not mean to her). But I miss her terribly and now I don't know what to do with my self.

[notrightinthehead]

Welcome! So sorry you had to leave your daughter with him. Any chance you could get her out of the toxic environment too?

[1footouttadefog]

I am sure this is unbelievably tough.  Really painful and especially so at the holidays.

Take care of yourself. Eat sleep breath and all that you will need yourstrength and to keep yourself together against a lot you will be dealing with emotionally and otherwise.

I wish you the best.  Stay strong. All storms end, and the sun shines again.

[ChevyChase]

Whatamaroon,

You are so right, this board is amazing, all of us are going through something similar.  I am on day 59 from moving out, and I too had to leave my son and daughter behind.  But I have focused on making sure I am happy and health and that I have a warm and welcoming home for them to come to.  I will have the kids at least part time, but unfortunately it will be a bit longer and will require a court order to extract them from the house. 

You did a brave and very difficult thing by moving out.  My advice is to focus on you for right now, and to try to take the long view - you haven't had your child for four days now, but she is only 10 and you have 8 years to show her what a healthy person looks like and what a nontoxic home looks like. 

Stay strong and continue to believe in yourself!