NPD Father made NPD Sister executor of will

[Wildfire]

I am deeply concerned.  I have Multiple Sclerosis and live on disability. My toxic family system centers around my NPD father and NPD sister. My mother and father are divorced.  My father never remarried and has a house and property.  He drew up a will in 2006 that said my NPD sister would be executer and that when he passed everything would be put in her name and she was to sell it all and split it between me and her. He is 80 and failing in health. I have just found out that her and her daughter have drained most of his account (my sister has never worked and has been supported through my father).
She has told me that she does not intend on giving me anything because I moved away from them years ago. She knows that I cannot continue to live on disability (I have no spouse) and I am terrified. She has said the about my mother's will which she is also executer of. Has anyone else been through this and what recourse do I have?

[notrightinthehead]

That's a difficult one and depends on where in the world you are. I would get legal advice asap, probably from several sources, and find someone to represent my interests legally.

[Poison Ivy]

 

[Wildfire]

I am in Tennessee.  My mother and my stepdad are "flying monkeys" as is my father.  My sister (NPD)is very scary and has rage issues. The entire family is afraid of her. They lived here for years and I lived a couple states away. My adult kids and I (I am 57 but no grandkids) wanted to move closer to my mom and dad so we could help care for them and spend whatever time they have left all together. They welcomed us wholeheartedly but over the past few years we have realized that they are extremely enmeshed and cultish. We all live within a 15 mile radius and yet we are not privy to secrets (such as both my nieces getting married) or gatherings that are for only them-the "inner circle". If I find out about a gathering or event that we are not invited to I bring it up to my mom but she just says "talk to your sister I don't make these decisions". My sister does not communicate well and usually just says "we" do this every year or "we" just thought you wouldn't want to go, etc.  Then she goes on a mission to find out who told me so she can scream and threaten them.  My kids have no idea how to deal with this. When I bring it up to my dad he defends my sister and does not believe she would do anything like that.  That is because she is super sweet to my dad because of the money he has and the will.   She lives in a huge house that I have just found out was bought and paid for by my dad and she gives her a large monthly allowance so she doesn't have to work because she has lupus. He has bought my nieces and there kids college tuitions, cars and furniture but has never offered my kids anything.   I had no idea all of this was going on because I didn't have the mobility to visit very often.  I am floored.  I always was told that my mom and dad were going to split our inheritance equally but now I know that is not the case. 

I hate to have to get an attorney (it will cause WW3) to make sure everything is done according to his will but I feel my future which will almost assuredly be in an assisted living facility will not be possible because I won't be able to afford it.  My neice has confided in me that my mother has changed her will to just include my sister and her family.  My mom and I had always been close but when I asked my mom about this she just said that it was not appropriate for me to ask.

I knew my sister has always been narcissistic and unhinged, but I had no idea she could be so back stabbing and manipulative. I am floored.

[Defiantdaughter1]

You need to see an attorney. Disability checks aren't sufficient to live on. Your sister is fully aware of that. Everybody knows that. She has lupus, which should make her more humble and understanding of your situation.

[nanotech]

I would try an obtain some legal advice on it. In the UK I believe that would be contestable. I'm not sure about the US.
Executors here in the UK are not the same as Power of Attourney so as far as I'm aware they can't just choose who the money goes to. Sorry I can't be more helpful.
We have to accept that people, especially PDs, don't have the same values as us. It's quite often not personal, it's just that they can't empathise. I have family who act in ways I would never even entertain, and then behave as if their actions are perfectly normal and natural!
I think you've got to sit yourself down and think hard. I think there are two issues.
 One is the utter scariness of sis. (but honestly, if you challenged her could it get any worse than what she's currently doing? What else could she do? Shout a bit more? So what if she does? A lot of it sounds like fear to me. Her fear).

It's her blatant misuse of power as an executor- but it's also the rest of the family, who have enabled it and continue through their habitual fear of her, to enable it.

I'm glad you're out of that horrible family system. Remind yourself that you're out and remember you're a survivor! They saw it as some kind of a rejection, but it's high level of bravery and integrity that they could never even begin to emulate.
It's why they try to exclude you. Remind yourself that the exclusions occur because you're the only truthsayer, and you got out- and they can't look at the truth. They fear it. So they made you the scapegoat. We're a very very exclusive club and I'm proud to be a member myself!

They like to dump all of their undealt with emotions on us and then blame us.

Btw I can't see how it's inappropriate to ask your mum about a will change. She has acted out of fear of your sister, but also fear of upsetting the family system as they know it. They cling to it. Sigh

Every time you're not invited to something, give yourself a big round of applause. You got out baby.
Get some legal advice. You don't have to act on it, just speak to someone neutral and knowledgable on it.