Does your PD ever accentuate anything about anyone?

[Samuel S.]

My PDw likes to degrade practically everyone. Of course, they may have their faults, although I am sure they have many good things about them as well. Nevertheless, my PDw will accentuate the negative, instead. There's only 1 person for whom she is totally positive to the extreme, and that is her "medium counselor" who has been helpful for her when it comes to improving her self-confidence, although the relationship that my PDw and I have had as a result has gone downhill ever since, as I have explained beforehand.

On the other hand, when I say something about the people whom I encounter and work with, I mostly accentuate the positive. My PDw has always said that I accentuate the positive without looking at the negative sides of people. Considering how she has had a rough life with being physically abused by her mother, having lost her D7 1/2 some 20 years ago, and having gotten a divorce a few years later, I can understand why she will accentuate the negative. When I do something positive for her and for her family, I am on her good side. The times she asks me about my day, it really feels like she is just saying that, because she goes on her negative, bah humbug monologue about her day and how she is feeling. Then, she realizes that it was her doing all the talking.

So, does your PD ever accentuate anything with anyone?

[Sultana Bed Red]

Interesting question.  My husband only ever accentuates his father (who is a millionaire because he invented something) and our son who is brilliant academically and who is his mini-me as far as behavior.  He otherwise finds some criticism about everyone else, and if he really doesn't like you, he is especially vile and hateful and I can't stand listening to him.  My mother accentuates one of my older brothers because he is talented and successful (which I agree with, by the way) but she is highly critical of most everyone, so much so that when she does compliment me on something, it doesn't feel genuine.  Both my husband's father and my mother's father are/were hard to please, and I wonder if that's why they're so critical now.

[Samuel S.]

My PDw's mother was very physically abusive and turned out to be highly critical of everyone. In order to make up for the years of physical abuse, my PDw's mother has gone overboard in buying and cooking things for her adult children and their kids. Now, like her mother, my PDw who has been verbally abusive and manipulative over the years with me, now, she cooks a lot when she has time, and she will only allow me to cook oatmeal in the morning. Otherwise, she has to do all the cooking. It's resulted in complaining that she has to cook.

Ultimately, Sultana Bed Red, you, the others on this website, and I have had a hard time to trust what they say. They are very two faced in their relationships with us and with everyone else. Currently, she has not been abusive, but it is like waiting for the other shoe to drop. You don't know when that is going to happen, but it will unfortunately. I am the type of guy who says something with respect and with kindness and genuinely, and it appeared she was the same way for a long time, until the slow change took place. She even had the audacity to say some months ago: "I apologize for everything that I have done and said, AND I apologize for everything that I will do and say in the future". UGH!