Guilt tripped or bad person? feeling bad, you decide.

[intfrog]

Hello everyone.,

My first run-in with this forum was awhile ago. I saw it while looking up... Resources for a suspected narcissistic/PD group of people that I know. These people basically ruined my life, but I did not have the words to describe what was happening until I stumbled across the terms often floated around in these communities. Since then I have been living in a different world. However, lately one of these people has came over to visit for a while (1 week), and things have taken a turn for the worse. This person displays many narcissistic qualities. For instance, the first thing that they did after arriving was show-off their brand new pet (dog!). It is evident that this was a method of showing-off to us other family members, because this was a topic that was prohibited during their time living/growing up here, and was used often as a way to pseudo-damage their character (larger narcissistic conflict here, but I will not get into this for now). I gave this person a "chance" when they decided it was my turn to "show-off" this new pet to. Exchange something like:
"Hey do you like my new pet? Their name is __"
"Yeah.. That's cool  .."
"Yeah I got her because you know how I wasn't allowed to before I went to college, they're a rescue, etc... [Largely forgotten exact words at this point]"
"Cool  "..
For context, I had been working on greyrocking for awhile now, so I knew that I should let my guard down a little, but not go further into the realm of validation/commitment, as it is the method of influencing from narcs/PD's. This person I decided to "let down the firewall" so to speak (usually selectively mute around such people). I believe that they had a moment they were able to find related resources as well at some point in the past, and although they seemed to have had a downward spiral and been controlled by [other entities not going further here] as I had noticed for a long time, I wondered if since being away for awhile they had recovered or at least been able to let their "true self" shine. Unfortunately, I couldn'tve been more wrong.
Since initially trusting this person (my first mistake), they have left me returning to "the cycle" which I had hoped I had abolished long ago, all week. Now the reason I made this post:
"Did you miss me while I was gone?"
This occured today as I was still experiencing the downward spiral. Of course as such I reacted with signs of "feeling sad/distressed" although no words. I am unsure of this feeling that I have now. I made this account a bit ago and (you can decide whether luckily or unluckily) I have now been driven to post here for the first time. Tbh, I don't know what to do. They said this right before leaving so I can't enjoy my time alone. Slammed the door. I don't have confidence and I feel that I am a bad person for not saying anything but I don't know what to do. I wanted to have a good relationship with this person. I just feel sorry and unfortunately I also feel like apologizing when they get back and trying to make it up to them wouldn't help the situation. I don't have anyone to share this with. I don't feel like I can even talk with anyone. I feel like I failed at something Idk what, but I don't think there is any way to recover. Idk what am I even trying to say haha.. Maybe some advice would help..

[Blueberry Pancakes]

You are not a bad person. Sometimes dealing with people who have a PD can make you feel bad though because they can project issues onto you, gaslight, deny and belittle. It can be difficult to avoid absorbing it. For those who are empathic, feeling you can make things better by trying harder can seem very normal. Then you can feel responsible if it does not work out. None of that is yours to own. 
           
What you do own is the way you respond (or do not respond) to what other people do, the way you feel about yourself, and your belief in your own inner strengths. Nobody else owns any of that. I believe you cannot change how other people behave, but you can control what you give your attention to and what you allow into your life. There is a section in the "Toolbox" tab on this website that has information about boundaries and various other techniques. I suggest browsing there and you might find some useful info. I believe this is a great site with helpful resources. It is good to have found this forum because you can gain insights and it can become a supportive aspect in the healing journey.