He's fully embraced not letting us go anywhere see anyone do anything.
I'm wfh a bit but I'm going into the office too, just to get out. He's so far up my butt it's horrible. I can't even READ. Kicking hom out of my home office constantly. Being pestered constantly. Being ranted at. I'm losing it.
:yeahthat:
Too much together time for me too
Can you consider it an opportunity to seriously practise the tools from the toolbox?
He tells me I'm "shitty" and "mean" when I MC. I do it anyway, but...it's just a constant barrage against my sanity.
I'm walking more than ever before, and caring for my plants outside.
Oh and won't do a thing around the house either. We can't "spend money".
so he insults you and abuses you verbally. What do you do when he does that?
Leave the room. I'm not getting into that can of worms. That kind of thing seems like he's just looking for a fight. Or stirring up trouble. Not interested in trouble.
I am sure you are right there. Getting you to fight with him might release some pressure for him. By leaving the room you force him to deal with his own feelings and you are protecting yourself.
Just because this is the only place I can say this: he's reading weird things on Twitter and other places and going ape about it. I can't say anything to the contrary *even if I have concrete evidence * because he just literally shouts it down. He has a cow if I go anywhere other than work without him. Like the pet store does pickup now, and he had to know what I ordered and why he couldn't go get those things at Walmart. He came with me to pick up my groceries order. He told my son it was "too gloomy" outside to do something they planned. It's slightly overcast. If my son had given that excuse, he'd have gone nuts.
The bizarre things he thinks are all coming out. I've had to shut my office.
It's surreal.
I am struggling too. I mean if there was an end date in sight, it would be easier, ya know? My husband works at home and I've been laid off so we are both at home all the time, minus a quick trip to the grocery store when absolutely necessary. He doesn't even like it when I go for walks by myself, but I still go sometimes. I cannot even express how much I miss the days of being able to come and go and do things and not having to explain myself to my husband. And I never have the house to myself anymore. Today I had the crazy thought that if I got the VIRUS and ended up in the hospital, at least I'd get a break from him. ;D
Spark, the author of The Verbally Abusive Relationship suggests this in response.
"H, stop that! Calling me names isn't acceptable."
I've only gotten up the courage to do it once. It was frightening, but surprisingly effective. He immediately stopped the behavior and no emotional retaliation.
My default is to leave the room, too, but maybe this is food for thought.
Stay healthy!
Lauren I'm reading that book now and love it! Trying to picture myself saying 'Stop it!'
Ugh. I can relate. UPDh managed to injure himself, and now requires care. I'm not going to stop being a decent human, so under the circumstances, I do try to provide for his basic comfort and welfare. In a way, I feel lucky that he doesn't want to have to require my asssistance very often. It might indicate weakness on his part.
The flip side is he is even more hypercritical than usual about really random things. Just in the last few weeks, I've used the "stop it, calling me those names is not acceptable" tactic a few times. The reply is typically along the lines of I just don't like hearing the truth. However, if I can manage to hold my calm and walk away from that, it is usually over. Yes, I feel it is truly abusive, and I can think of other descriptive words, but until I can find a clear path out of this mess, it's the best I have.
I'm trying to use this time to objectively study just how differently he can perceive the exact same circumstances. His way is the "correct" way to act or feel, of course. The gaslighting has been astounding. Hang in there, everyone!
Quote from: Stillirise on April 03, 2020, 01:21:40 PM
The flip side is he is even more hypercritical than usual about really random things. Just in the last few weeks, I've used the "stop it, calling me those names is not acceptable" tactic a few times. The reply is typically along the lines of I just don't like hearing the truth. However, if I can manage to hold my calm and walk away from that, it is usually over. Yes, I feel it is truly abusive, and I can think of other descriptive words, but until I can find a clear path out of this mess, it's the best I have.
I'm trying to use this time to objectively study just how differently he can perceive the exact same circumstances. His way is the "correct" way to act or feel, of course. The gaslighting has been astounding. Hang in there, everyone!
Wow. I think all NPD''s are more or less the same person. My uNPDh does pretty much exactly that. If I level any criticism at him, then it's the end of the friggin' world.
I am sorry for your aggravation. I guess we are all facing some real stress.
Maybe I should have started another thread. Your thoughts triggered me to share some of my stuff too.
I am going out of my mind as he is trying to use Zoom and cannot figure it out. This has been going on for a WEEK!!! No kidding. I get 6 year old behavior at me, after he asks me to help. It is really sad. Even my own children didn't behave this badly when frustrated. He slams his tablet down, and walks away telling me I won't listen...
I get personal attacks when he is frustrated. I finally had enough today. I think because he needs my help still, he is willing to try to be nice. I finally told him I did not want to hear a fake apology and his frustration is not about me and I will not let him talk to me that way again.
Sheepishly he came to me to say he was sorry. I asked if he were willing to hear the truth.
which is that this is a common response from him and I am sick of it and sick of him being such a child. that lasted about 1 minute. then he started talking... Well, I guess I should not have told him to shut up! (which is big for me, I never say that) and that I did not want to hear what he had to say. He got up. and walked off.
He will never get it. right now unpdh is on alert (fear of losing even me for his feed) or manipulation mode. he is stuck with me and i am not much Nfeed. He needs to use zoom to talk to his flying monkies but he can't do it alone. I feel kind of sad for him because he is on medication that I think has affected some of his abilities but I could never tell him that. He is not electronicallly inclined at all. I helped him get into one meeting last week which started the whole obsessive need to learn it.
i can help him (hmmm...) and get him out of my hair, (when he can finally get online), and listen to childish accusations or walk away and then I have to have him only get feed from me. I would rather do the helping. An hour or so of feed from others will relieve me a little.
We do not communicate well about anything, never have as most N's do not want to.
Why should this be different??! The bad part is that being retired... this is not unusual. :stars:
It is much easier to maintain medium chill when we can go out... To work, with friends, etc. I think being quarantined makes it much harder.
I find that if I drop mc even briefly, that it tends to snowball..