Trouble healing my psycholical damage after narcissistic abuse

[minniemouse]

Hey guys,
I decided today to join this forum because I feel like I can't get over the terrible things my ex boyfriend did to me.
I want to know if he is a narcissist or not because I don't want to misdiagnose anyone since I am not a doctor. So I would really appreciate your help.
What is important for you to know is that I am not easy to break at all. Which makes the situation harder for me to accept that he did break me.
The beginning of the relationship was perfect, when after a few months he began to show red flags, which I ignored. After about a year of relationship and on-off relationship that lasted half a year after the official break-up, 2 years after all of that i still have psychological damage that i just can't overcome. Short version: during the relationship he lied, cheated on me, preferred others, blamed me for many things, talked badly about me, did not claim me at all, tried to hurt me (not physical) intentionally, threaten to ruin my life after doing something that he didn't like, rubbed it in my face when he slept with another woman and what not.
I have always had difficulties completely forgetting him and my subconscious has constantly tried to understand him and somehow justify his bad deeds.
Even when there was no contact and communication between us, I constantly imagined myself as his girlfriend and wanted to have a working relationship with him.. which I personally think is not healthy at all after everything he did. Afterwards I always felt bad why I still would think of him.
When I finally decided to completely cancel the contact and blocked any attempt to talk to me, I actually felt better and finally thought I was over him.
He would often text me (I didn't respond) and ask my friends how his ,,baby" was doing (in this case me) and also text my sister a bunch of fake ass nice messages... I never reacted to any of those attempts to talk to me.
So 2 days ago he again texted me and told me he had a new girlfriend (tbh I pray for her mental health) and that it was very serious, as she already got to meet his family (which I never did), and that she finally had changend him etc. First of all why tf would he text me that... to intentionally hurt me?? That is sick. Second if all I had an emotional breakdown after i read the text. I was in shock and hurt, I felt like I wasn't good enough, and besides that, I am extremely mad at myself for being sad and hurt since I thought I was over him after all this time.
Idk what to do y'all, I feel like I cannot let go no matter how hard I try. Maybe it would help me if I realised he has indeed narcissistic traits and I am not the problem.

[notrightinthehead]

Welcome! Sounds like you had a raw deal with this guy. I can relate to your desperation with yourself that you are still emotionally attached to him. And I don't have an easy suggestion how to stop this. The best I know is to get as much information as possible and to work on your self esteem so that in future you will not again fall for a person who treats you badly.

[minniemouse]

Thank you so much for your reply! It is also nice hearing someone can relate - although I don't wish that on anyone. Actually, i have a pretty healthy self esteem and I know my worth... it's just when it comes to him i loose it all. But yeah I guess I'll work on that. Same for u!! I hope youre doing well

[hhaw]

Minniemouse:

I invite you to seek a trauma-informed Therapist who utilizes EMDR.  I've seen many Therapists but this type of therapy has been super helpful, IME.

Good luck.

You deserve to feel Ok again.