Father with narcissistic traits always late

[Flintridge]

The title says it all, my dad who was raised by a diagnosed full fledged narcissistic and all around horrible woman, definitely has some narcissistic traits. While he's nothing like his mom (my grandmother), he can be extremely self-centered. One thing I've been struggling with for years is him being chronically late. Sometimes it feels like everything in his life is a priority, and I feel like myself and my siblings are at the very bottom of that totem pole. It's so hard to even make plans with him because he's completely none committal. When we do make plans, he's never ever on time and even when he calls to say his running late, shows up way later than he said he would be there. I want to put an end to this and I'm not sure exactly how. As I mentioned in my other post, I'm having a baby soon and while I look forward to seeing my dad this coming year while I'm off, I don't want to be playing this game every single time I make plans to see him.

[nanotech]

I can totally relate.
I often had to rely on dad picking me up  for  weekly family visits at their home. (2 hours tops then I'd get told to leave).
I was in my own a lot at home with two children. It wasn't what we planned but hubby had to work in revolt long hours and I hardly saw him.
I had two under 5 s and around that time was beginning to feel like a one parent family.
( this working pattern led to my getting depression. We changed it after that. Long hours are never worth it. Kids need both parents present) .
So, there I'd be for my  desperately needed 2 hour respite time.

I would be ready, by the window, at the time specified.

Completely ready.

I'm ready.

No sign of dad.
When  you have prepared your children  ready to go somewhere, you have a certain window of time. You need to GO, in that window of time.
The kids would start getting over-warm in their coats and hats.
We would continue to wait, reliant on him.   
Then of course,  the kids would soon get bored and fidgety, sometimes squabbly.

After a while of waiting one or both would suddenly need the toilet, or just then decide that they wanted to bring a certain toy - which they'd run off to grab, then come back without coat or hat or with shoelaces undone, but with the toy, which then needed to go in a bag, so then I'm suddenly NOT by the window but am running around sorting everything out, re-finding coats, hats, getting a bag, carrying out toilet visits, de- escalating squabbles, blowing suddenly runny noses. If it was summer they'd get thirsty again or too hot standing waiting, or they would lose their sunhats/ sandals etc.
My stress levels and theirs would go up the hill and stay there.

Standing still for long periods with no stimulation of any kind, is a very hard task  to a child.
and then just when everything had gone to chaos,  DAD would arrive! 
- and beep his horn.  twice, three times as if to say,
'Come on, I'm here! I know I'm late but I'm not admitting  that! Plus if I'm late, why aren't you twice as ready, and out of your front door instantly? Aha!  YOU mustn't have BEEN
ready, so it's a good job I didn't come on time, because YOU ARE KEEPING ME WAITING as it is, and if I'd been on time

I WOULD HAVE BEEN KEPT WAITING EVEN LONGER!

It's amazing what a beeping horn can convey.

By now, I'm VERY stressed.   
Dad.
Arriving so late.
THEN,  stays sitting king-like in his car,  just beeping his horn loudly and often, majestically looking straight ahead.
Now the whole street is aware HIS daughter isn't ready. She's late!  She's so lucky to be getting picked up! All she had to do was be on time!  She's so unreliable!
I finally get sorted, re-check  the house is ok to leave (no taps or lights left on)and that the kids and I have everything,  go out the front door and up the path, for my visit-

and I've already failed.

Every visit began with me feeling like I was inadequate.
No word of acknowledgement EVER  from dad. His lateness happened every single time.
The lateness, then the projection of it onto me. God help me if I mentioned it.!

How could I mention it? It hadn't happened!

I just had to deal with his surprise and impatience at MY apparent lateness!
When we reached my parent's house, the projection of shame would continue, carried on by mum and NPD  brother and sister if they were there.
I was always made to feel like I was disorganised and inadequate.
I needed the weekly visits, or thought I did. I would have been better trying to find some friends who were also on their own with kids at weekends.it would be easier these days as there are things like mumsnet. In the eighties you could feel very isolated indeed, and of course I was very firmly in the FOG.
  I think I followed the pattern because it's ' normal' to visit your parents. I always felt the disapproval though, and was made to feel lucky that I got any attention at all.  I had to put up with it and they knew it.

[nanotech]

I posted lat night and I wittered on a bit! I'm so sorry for going on about me instead of offering advice to you.
In practical terms , If you want your dad to arrive at 2 you could arrange it for 1?  Then he's more likely to be on time.
My whole problem was I didn't drive. If you drive, you could pick dad up ? That way you have control of the time.
You could tell him he needs to be ready because you have an errand etc and you have to be on time with that?
You could send him reminder texts as well?
When baby arrives you can stress to him  how time is important because of baby's routine? He needs to come on time or otherwise baby might be asleep and he may not get to see baby much.
You can meet up with him in a restaurant  and book a table where they only hold the table for 15 minutes- tell dad this.
Hope this helps! X