DD's birthday

[losingmyself]

There's still a mark on the wall from last year, when I tried to talk to H about DD's birthday. And now it's coming up again in a couple days. I brought it up last week, and he just got irritated. I was hoping we could buy something when we were in Rochester, but he just drove on by.
I think it's awful that a mother can't celebrate her D's birthday, but it's all about him. "what does she do for me?? Why does she deserve a gift?? She won't even thank me, only you."  I don't know what to do, I would appreciate any ideas.  I'm not excited to bring it up to him again.  Then he'll give her a big gift, so he can be the hero. It's not what you say, it's what you do. Even if what you say is devastating.

On a different subject, we were shopping down south, (where I should have just picked up a gift)  and I would tell him if I was going into the dressing room, in case he was looking for me. Later, I asked him where he was, he said 'over here.'. I thought we were joking and I said 'me too!' Later he asked me where I was, and I told him, then I saw him across the store, on the other side of a display, and I waved my arms, said hi! He literally yelled "what do you want?!!" then he huffed, and walked away. Shortly after, he text and said "I'm done." Then, when we went to the checkout, I got scolded about not having to text him every minute to tell him where I am.... I said "You asked me where I was!" He said he didn't. it's in the texts! Right in front of the cashier. There were people between us when he yelled, too. They were obviously uncomfortable.  My question is, do you think he has the idea that when he does that, people think that I'm an idiot? Because I can guarantee that all they are thinking is what an a-hole he is.. I'm not even embarrassed any more. He's saying everything they need to know about himself..
There's so much more.. but you all know, it's just difficult to deal with someone who doesn't think right.

[Sultana Bed Red]

Could you buy her a present on your own the next time you're out alone?  I totally get the dilemma you're in.  My DD's birthday is next month and I'm just getting her a few things from Amazon.  Yes, I'll get a big lecture about charging them to my (my!!!) credit card.  I'm my own person, as much as he'd like to control me.  Sometimes you just have to take a deep breath and do what you feel is right.  My DD's birthday last year was comical.  Her father didn't get her anything!  I got her a few things and wrapped them.  At her birthday, he made sarcastic remarks about how bad of job I did wrapping them, made little comments about how dumb every single item was as she opened it, and he hid my cane (which I use for balance to walk) sometime during the presents/cake.  Just so dumb.  I had already made up my mind to concentrate solely on DD so I almost felt like laughing because he kept acting up to get the attention on him.

And about your husband yelling "what do you want?!"  Mine yells "What do you NEED?!" every time I go to his room to talk or ask him something.  As soon as he sees me, he yells it.  It does make me feel like a burden.  If I was going to ask him something, I ask and get the answer and then walk out.  But if I just wanted to tell him something, I turn around without saying anything and walk out.  I just can't take it.  It's so rude.  Just know their rudeness says more about them than us.

[losingmyself]

I am not ever alone. He has to be with me every second. He hates even the fact that we have to be away from each other for work. I have to spend every lunchtime with him. He comes to my doctor appointments with me. Also, we have a joint account,  so the money is "his"

[Whiteheron]

I am not ever alone. He has to be with me every second. He hates even the fact that we have to be away from each other for work. I have to spend every lunchtime with him. He comes to my doctor appointments with me. Also, we have a joint account,  so the money is "his"

That is suffocating. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.

And yes, I'm certain he believes he's making you look like an idiot. At least that was my firm belief with my stbx. He'd try to joke about how dumb I was because of something I did, after a good public scolding from him, and his audience would look at him with astonishment.