Dealing with Bad News

[JustKeepTrying]

Update:

I had a few more seizures.  One in front of the strong guy movers but my friend and her husband quickly moved me to a quiet room where I wasn't as embarrassed.  I've been in my new place for three days and I am glad about the move.  Everything is within reach.  I'm safe and can even take out my own garbage.  It's the little things like reaching the microwave and being able to get into the bathroom that has made all the difference.

I know that if I was still my ex, I would be stuck in the bedroom, dependent on crutches unable to get to the kitchen and completely dependent on him again.  I am not sure that I wouldn't have been committed to a facility by this time.  Or that I would have survived the pandemic.  He was not really careful about any of that.  I am sure he would have brought it home and I know I would not survive it.  Or he would have killed me in the lockdowns. 

During the move, there were several "bombs" in the packing.  Reminders of the marriage like photos; joint purchases stowed deep in a box that I forgot about, or the absence of something I thought I had but now know he has - like the afghan my mother made in college.  I have been looking for it for two years but he took it.  I remind myself over and over it is just stuff - not real just stuff.  And I feel better.  Then I sit back and turn on a murder mystery movie, have a glass of wine and curl up under another blanket.  With no worries about him questioning my movie choices or paper filing choices or even how I was the dishes.  Peace.

It's been quiet here.  No city noise and even though the snow is piling up, the walk is shoveled and I know if there is a fire, I can get out.  I hadn't realized the peace of mind that would bring me.

No surgery is scheduled yet.  Still no surgeries at all.  I'll post when it is.  But please know this, your support is giving this survivor a real ballast.  You have all provided me with support and a steadying force for which I am grateful.

[SonofThunder]

JKT,

Although I'm sorry to read your seizures are continuing, I'm joyed to read of the newfound peace and freedom that you are already experiencing in your new place.  I can only consider that you may experience some healing benefit from your mind and body not being in the amplified 'fight-or-flight' state on such a continuous basis. 

I surely have read other's writings regarding healing experiences when away from PD behaviors and the benefits experienced in doing so.  I also wish for you, the eventual return of your special afghan.  Now that your possessions are in your new place, is there someone else who may be able to better locate it elsewhere, since its not possibly mingled with multiple peoples possessions? 

I look forward to continuing to read of your steady progress of goals for yourself and of the peace of your new surroundings.  Thoughts and prayers for peace, tranquility, mind and body relaxation and healing. 

SoT

[pianissimo]

Where you live sounds so peaceful, and a murder mystery movie sounds like quality time. Wish you strength and a peaceful recovery JustKeepTrying

[Boat Babe]

That all sounds lush. I'm so happy that your home is so perfect for you. I bet you've made it beautiful already 😁. I hope your health begins to improve as you move into your peace and your freedom.

[1footouttadefog]

That you are feeling safe and at peace enough to be distracted by a movie and glass if wine whole snow falls is awesome!

I know that for me , it would require a certain amount of trust in my environment to let go of full vigilance and enjoy those things.

I hope that with each passing day you feel more at home, at peace and that you rest and gain strength for the surgery and healing journey ahead.