Prepping for No Contact

[Fiasco]

Holy crap Yael924. That's awful. It's brave of you to share your experience and try to help.

[p123]

I don't know what you decided to do, but I decided to share my experience.

My first post on the welcome mat discussed how by February I was stressed about visiting my uBPD parent for summer.

I ignored my gut for the sake of the kids, family harmony, the FOG, etc.

I had good boundaries. Rental car, hotel, code words for the kids to leave the house in case things got out of control; I thought I had a foolproof plan....

...and my uBPD parent got enraged about the boundaries. She managed her emotions on the topic by trying to kill me.

A passing dogwalker heard me screaming and saved my life.

I've needed a ton of intense therapy to get over the PTSD. Now one of my kids needs help with dealing with the fact that grandma tried to kill mom. And I have to live with that.

I know my situation is extreme, but I share it with you in the hopes that you listen to your gut feelings.

If I had stuck to my guns, my kids could have at least kept some good memories. Now they are cut off from my side of the family. Aunts, cousins, parents, uncles...everyone.

Good luck. I'll be thinking of you...

Wow and this was just a visit? Not NC?

Never ceases to amaze me the stories on here about how far people will go. I just don't get it - if someone doesnt want you in their life how on earth can you think you can force them?

Yael - So I guess its NC now then?

[Fortuna]

Yael, just Wow. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Thanks for the warning.
Up to this point my mom has not been violent (apart from flinging a book across the room once, a very long time ago). She much more the covert, sneaky type, which makes me want to make sure I have eyes on her during this set of holidays since I know she's got a ticket and would rather know where she is than have her turning up unannounced. And I know I will likely be kicking myself afterwards because I'm  not going to be able to enjoy the holiday, but I wanted to make sure I had everything together in my head before going NC.

[illogical]

... She much more the covert, sneaky type, which makes me want to make sure I have eyes on her during this set of holidays since I know she's got a ticket and would rather know where she is than have her turning up unannounced. And I know I will likely be kicking myself afterwards because I'm  not going to be able to enjoy the holiday, but I wanted to make sure I had everything together in my head before going NC.

I get that about wanting "everything together in my head before going NC".  I was VLC with my NM for about a year and a half before I went NC.  I kept vacillating whether to go NC or stay VLC.  But I came to the point where I just got weary of "doing battle" with NM, who trampled every boundary I set.  And then one day-- I remember it well, though it's been about seven years ago and my NM is deceased now-- I was walking down the stairs in my house and I stopped midway down.  My gut was screaming at me-- "It's time!  I'm over this bullsh*t and I'm going NC!"  So I did.

So I hope you have a good holiday.  Sure, your mother will likely disrupt, but that may serve as the final straw, the extinguishing of that frail hope that you can sustain a VLC situation.  And then you can tell yourself, "I tried everything, but it's not working and this is it.  No more second chances.  The time is now."

Take care!