NC Week 3 - Mom's cat and possible fraud accusation?

[foobarred]

Writing here because too upset to do anything else. 

The last two weeks have been rough.  I've been caring for Mom's cat, and we've been at the emergency vet three times in the last two weeks. The last resulted in an overnight hospitalization, where an ultrasound showed thickening of the bowel wall consistent with either inflammatory bowel disease or intestinal lymphoma.  IOW, instead of plain ol' diarrhea, he actually has either kitty crohn's disease or cancer.  They wanted a biopsy, which I couldn't afford, so we elected to start steroids.  If he gets better and stays better, it's kitty crohn's.  If he gets better, then worse, it's ca.

So now I'm stuck caring for a very sick cat that isn't mine.  That's so typical of her.  I'm sure she knew he was failing, and that's why she was so insistent that she couldn't take him with her to the NH.  And now I'm stressed as hell, wondering if he'll make it, giving him meds (fun), checking if he's still purring, if he's still eating, does he still have quality of life... dreading the day when I have to make the difficult decision to put him down.  My hands are shaking as I type.

And she's got total plausible deniability, which is also typical of her.  After all, she didn't *ask* me to take care of the cat, did she?  She just threatened to dump him on the street.  So I brought all this on myself, according to Mom-logic.

To add insult to injury, she's stirring up trouble over her finances.  I used to help her manage them before I went NC, because she couldn't be bothered to do it on her own.  Last week I got an email from an old banker friend of Mom's, asking me for all of Mom's financial records.  He said she'd asked him to "reconcile her accounts", which somehow felt like a vague threat.

Except I don't have those records anymore.  She'd "accidentally" left all her financial paperwork behind when she moved, probably thinking to use that as an excuse to dump the responsibility on me.  But I'd promptly boxed those puppies up and had R hand-deliver them to her a few days later.

She's now telling her banker friend that I gave her nothing.  He's coming over on Saturday to pick up the files I have left, but those are mostly junk.  I trust R *far* more than I trust my mother (R handles my banking stuff all the time), so I'm sure Mom is lying.  But I have no idea what she's trying to do, or what the ramifications are.  Is she looking to accuse me of fraud?  Or am I being too paranoid?

[Seven]

Her paperwork is not your responsibility. Give him what you have and that's all you can do.  And at least that is out of your hair now as well. 

[Cat of the Canals]

Ditto what Seven said.

Also, wouldn't most of her financial records for the last 10+ years (if not more) be available in digital format somewhere? It seems silly for her (or this guy helping her) to act like they need physical documents.

[NarcKiddo]

I agree with previous posters. This is what I'd say to banker friend:

"Here are the papers I have left. I gave the others to R on or around x date and R assures me she delivered them. I know R to be trustworthy and Mom thinks so, too, clearly, because she employed R herself.

If Mom has mislaid the papers then all I can suggest is for you to contact the relevant financial institutions and get copies of whatever you need."

I'm sorry you're having to deal with the cat's illness. At least you are caring for it, which is more than your mother was prepared to do.

[moglow]

"Here are the papers I have left. I gave the others to R on or around x date and R assures me she delivered them. I know R to be trustworthy and Mom thinks so, too, clearly, because she employed R herself.

Yep. If mom claims otherwise, not your stuff. You cant produce something you don't have and aren't responsible for ehat she did with all of it after it was given to her.

It may be kindest to ask for quality of life evaluation for Miss Kitty, if steroids dont help. It's not easy to lay them down, no, but watching kitty suffer? Constant checking her breathing etc? On the alert when shes oit of sight thinking you'll find she's passed away somewhere?

[foobarred]

Many thanks for all your thoughtful replies.

We finally did a variant of what was suggested - we boxed up everything and took it straight to Mom.  That way, she can give it to whomever she chooses, and it's out of my hair.  I didn't go in (did *not* want to interact with her at all), but I watched R go up to her door and give it to her, so R is protected in case Mom claims it was not delivered (again).  I should've done that the first time, but no matter how paranoid I am, it seems I'm never paranoid enough.

  According to R, Mom told her to put the two boxes in the bedroom, right next to (gasp!) the box she said she didn't have.   

[moglow]

   I mean, you knew she had it but seriously?? She sure has some brass.

[NarcKiddo]

 

That's amazing! Anyone who didn't have to deal with PD people on the regular would have a hard job believing that story, though it is utterly typical of what they are like. Still, if banker friend comes back to you asking for the documents you can point him in the direction of where they are.

Hugs. It must have been pretty tough for you to go there, but well done for getting it out of your hair.