Next stop, my body screams stop

[candy]

Now here I am. Just recently I've been diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. I am in the middle of coming to terms with the diagnosis itself and what changes I have to make concerning my job, family planning - you get the picture. I am really trying to be proactive. I reached out to a T who focuses on improving stress management skills as I think this is a thing I have control of.

There is an old thread on ACONs with autoimmune diseases. I've been reading it and followed a bunch of helpful links. I just want to spell it out: thank you, you kind people, I come to this place and do not feel alone in whatever challenges arise!


Initially I thought my ILs were the main problem. But as I stay NC with them, my BP(2)PDF with NPD or maybe BPD comorbidity (diagnoses differed with different Ts, does not matter, he is not in T or on medication either way) is acting out and my stresslevel increases significantly.

I tried MC and grey rock the man. I tried LC. I do not give much personal information as BP(2)PDF is going to use it against me. I have been doing this for years.

In the past BP(2)PDF had a astonishing reliable sense  for when he had gone to far. He would show up with a fauxopology then, even with a near to real apology, with gifts or a cheque. There was kindness sometimes. There was some limited understanding of his own hurtful words and actions.

Last time he insulted me out of the blue. He told me I was a failure in every aspect of my life, labeled me mentally ill, crazy, complicated, having and causing problems everywhere and especially within my FOO. SC-me did her truth telling thing, denied his accusations and left the situation.

Some days later I learned about my specific health condition. PDF heard about it from codependent, good-enough M, he has not approached me since. Currently he is ignoring me - as if he had a right to do it?! I am used to ugly behavior but I feel it is different this time. I assume PDF feels so very superior to his ill daughter with the chronic autoimmune disease that he doesn't even need to get me on board with a fauxopology.ä anymore. BP(2)PDF probably thinks I am too weak, I am ,,beaten". Of course I am not.

My codependent M seems to enable BP(2)PDF. I see that now. I love her, I respect her life's work with or despite a PD husband but I can't go on helping her. I've been encouraging her to be strong my whole life, parentified me trying to fix their unhappy marriage in adolescence, trying to cure M's codependency when my understanding of the dynamics improved. It may be time to stop this. Crux of the matter I do not want to loose her.

This is my wake up call. My final straw. I have to face what's going on in my FOO for my own health sake and I have to adjust coping with this mess. Denial doesn't work for me. It literally eats me up. I have to process things to heal mentally, to get better physically.

I am not really sure what I expect from this post. Maybe comfort. Maybe it is cathartic to finally add the parents board to my PD portfolio. Anyway, thank you for reading.

[coyote]

Hey Candy,
Just to let you know I did read your post. While I really have no advice to offer I would say healthy coping strategies are important for your mental health. Right now it sounds like even more important for your physical health. Do you have a good T you can talk with and bounce ideas off? This has helped some of us. As you say just writing out what we are going through can be helpful. Maybe you want to start a journal. Meantime we are here for you.

[Groundhog Day]

Hi Candy,

I am also diagnosed with auto-immune disease called linchen planus. There are different kinds of auto-immune disease since a coworker of mine has a very different side effect and also more severe than me.  I found for me taking probiotics and fish oil really helped. I have steroids prescribed but only uses it in case of a very bad episode since I prefer to go with natural products. A per my specialist, the biggest cause of auto-immune difficiency is caused by stress.   Once your immune system has been attacked, the damage is done, you have i, no turning back. You have to reduce your stress levels in order to regain control of your health. Your disease now will be walking side by side with you and your system will let you know when your level of stress is too high. So you have to make changes in your life as to when these stresses occur and how to deal with it. The stress at work, home, personal life needs to be reduced in order to heal. Only you have the power to limit these stresses. Your body is telling you that it's time for your to make changes in your life.

Good luck and live a healthy life!

[daughter]

Please rely on your recent diagnosis to enable you to make significant changes in your life-choices, with intention of reducing the stress, so as to distance yourself from your father's bad behavior and demanding personality.  Many of us "dutiful daughters" stoically tolerate our pd-disordered parents, and eventually pay the price, to find ourselves diagnosed with illnesses caused/worsened by stress, emotional abuse, and PTSD.

[Psuedonym]

Hey candy,

I had to deal with my uBPD (probably N) M on a daily basis for a year and a half, from the time my dad got sick and eventually died, through December of last year. I started experiencing really nasty headaches that were more or less persistent. I thought I needed glasses, took allergy medication, tried hot compresses, drank more water, etc, etc... None of it really helped. In December I decided to go NC after her behavior escalated to the point where my anxiety was unmanageable and I had a panic attack at work. This sentence of yours was so familiar to me:

This is my wake up call. My final straw. I have to face what's going on in my FOO for my own health sake and I have to adjust coping with this mess. Denial doesn't work for me. It literally eats me up. I have to process things to heal mentally, to get better physically.

That's where I was. I'm sure it's absolutely no surprise when I tell you that once I went NC,  the headaches stopped. Haven't had a single one. Please take care of yourself and don't feel guilty about putting yourself first!

[RavenLady]

Hi candy. I spent 5 years disabled after a diagnosis refusing to connect my symptoms to the absence of emotional support in my FOO. Psychosomatic illness is for crazies and weaklings, right? Things came to a head last year and I went VVLC/NC. Bam, symptoms basically disappeared. So I lost 5 years of my productive working life to denial. So glad you won't be making the same mistake. Trust your body. You really have no choice.

Hugs and healing to you!

[candy]

Oh, my, thank you all for having my back on this one. I appreciate every response and I would like to add, thank you for sharing your thoughts and personal stories.

Groundhog Day, I thank you for opening up on details. You are right, once the damage is done, it is done. I am trying to understand the disease as the companion you described. Walking with me, pulling out a virtual stop sign telling me to care for myself. Wishing you good luck as well!

Coyote, my current T is okay, bouncing off ideas sounded like a good idea. I already did. T came up with a lot of ideas, suggested a class on resilience or maybe muscle relaxation to name a few. We agreed inner work has to go on, my external world shall calm down for some weeks, months... or I change my perception of it. Anyhow, it is easier said than done.

Daughter, thank you. Whatever post of yours I read, I think this daughter is at a place I would like to get to. You are very clear and seem to really understand what can be tolerated or not. Seems you have healthy boundaries for yourself, a good virtual stop sign accompanying you.
Your words have helped me before concerning toxic PD grandparents and kids. Guess I have to let go of a whole lot of devotion to duty with my PDF too.

Psuedonym and RavenLady, wow! Be it headaches or symptoms that leave you disabled, I hear you got better with distance to your PDs. And with seeing clear.

I'll put it onto my list: Candy, don't you feel guilty to care for yourself first! You may! Your body told you. Your peers at Out of the FOG tell you 
I thank you for the hugs.