This is one thing she said to me, among many

Lilyloo · March 18, 2019, 06:17:11 AM

When I broke some bones and was unable to do anything for 8 weeks, she came to my house and said this to me

"Oh I just feel so sorry for Tom (fake husband name)

I was floored!! Not sorry for me but sorry for my husband

Cruel!

Starboard Song · March 18, 2019, 07:16:25 AM

Classic.

Lilyloo · March 18, 2019, 04:33:41 PM

I appreciate your reply Starboard Song

StayWithMe · March 18, 2019, 04:37:12 PM

What are the other things she said to you.

SunnyMeadow · March 19, 2019, 09:17:12 AM

She feels sorry for your husband?! Very cruel!

all4peace · March 19, 2019, 09:53:16 AM

I'm so sorry she didn't show concern for your pain and feelings.

Twinkletoes88 · March 19, 2019, 10:18:33 AM

Quote from: LindaLoo on March 18, 2019, 06:17:11 AM
When I broke some bones and was unable to do anything for 8 weeks, she came to my house and said this to me

"Oh I just feel so sorry for Tom (fake husband name)

I was floored!! Not sorry for me but sorry for my husband

Cruel!

EUGHHHHHHHHHH typical PD parent thing to say. Lacking in ALL empathy, sympathy, care etc. It's almost like taunting you too isn't it - I know this is only a dream, but I once had such a vivid dream that I was in hospital with a HUGE hole in my body and she was just standing there like "can we go yet?" and I was soooo upset and so scared. I've written recently that a very traumatic event happened to me and when I told her, expecting her to FINALLY give me some (deserved) sympathy, she had NONE and in fact made me feel ashamed for thinking otherwise. They just cannot do it can they? It's sick actually. Even when I was in hospital once, she dropped on me the night before that she could no longer come with me because she had to "return some shoes". I was young and petrified I had cancer. It was awful. Another example I can think of, straight off the top of my head was telling her we were struggling to conceive after about a year and she just said "Oh my POOORRRR mate at work, she's been trying for SIX MONTHS!!" When I pointed out, mine was double as long as this "mate" of her's she just said "yes but she is married".

Right then.

I am so sorry she said that. How did you respond?

blacksheep7 · March 19, 2019, 10:48:38 AM

I'm so sorry.

It is classic and plain cruel. Our NM are all alike, no empathy!

overitall · March 19, 2019, 01:00:04 PM

Years ago while still in contact with FOO my uBPDm ran into me at a family event and was very annoyed because I was walking and moving too slowly for her. She screamed at me, "what's wrong with you!!! "can't you move a little bit faster!!!??"
When I replied that I had been discharged from the hospital three hours earlier, she just walked away. Never even asked why I was in the hospital. Never did ask. She didn't care

Lilyloo · March 19, 2019, 02:32:24 PM

Oh my these stories are sad. I am so sorry for all of your hurts.

overitall, how cruel of her! You had just gotten out of the hospital and she ignored you. How hateful and cold they can be! I'm so sorry

Just such sad mean things they do.

blacksheep7, Thank you! Yes they are all carbon copies of each other! I'm sorry you have that kind of mother too

It's heartbreaking and I'm becoming numb to it all

Twinkletoes88, Your mother is extremely cruel! Mine is so similar. I always feel we are all talking of the same person. How very mean of her to do all those things esp about your trying to conceive. It's all so cruel. I am so sorry

:

all4peace, Thank You! Validation that these type of actions are cruel, helps me heal

SunnyMeadow, Thank You! I figured it out. It happened 5 years ago and I knew right away she felt bad that I could not cook for my husband and she was jealous he would be taking care of me. She has issues with men and this need to take care of them. My brothers get special treatment, always. She is a sick person.

StayWithMe, There's so many over my lifetime. To many to mention but this one is an example of how she is. Typical N mother, who shows favoritism to her boys, and I got to be the Scapegoat

I am in my 60's she in her 80's. My whole life as far (as I can remember) , maybe around age 10 was to treat me this way. As a kid we don't register it so much, until the day comes we see how sick they are, then I started to read and question, things like why doesn't she like me or love me. Now I get bashed because I don't visit, I don't help her and her smear campaign is relentless. The lies about me anger me. I have offered 100 times to help her. It's always "nobody's helping me, I can do it myself" but then smears me telling people I do nothing.

I confronted her and she went off saying, "Oh just pretend I don't exist" SO TYPICAL!! I honestly don't remember a sweet word, a genuine hug or anything motherly about her.

Thank you everyone

Freeatforty · March 22, 2019, 05:25:05 AM

I am so sorry for those things your moms said. They are all lacking basic human empathy. It is strange how similar they all are.

A few years ago I was pregnant and the baby died when I was 11 weeks along. I called my mother to tell her that there was no heartbeat any more and that I would go to the hospital tomorrow to have a curettage. She asked me if I was sure that I haven't just imagined being pregnant.

SunnyMeadow · March 22, 2019, 09:32:09 AM

I'm so sorry Freeatforty. What a disgusting thing for your mother to say

overitall · March 22, 2019, 09:39:57 AM

I'm sad for all of us who have experienced abusive uBPDm's
This site is a godsend. People who have not endured this cannot understand the depth of the pain
It took me far too long to go NC. I wish I would have gone NC at 18, but I was in the FOG
8+ years of NC👍

Danie · March 22, 2019, 10:37:57 AM

That is exactly how my uBPD mother is. I've thought about it a lot and tried to figure it out. Definitely a lack of empathy, but also a put-down. In my family if you are sick or have a problem, you are bad, never any leeway or understanding.

Once my mother said to me about my house (with my husband) "It's HIS house". This really cut to my core because I was a homeless teenager because of her. She said it because he makes more money than I do and she just assumes her daughter is worthless and should be back on the street.

I was homeless because she said she was done raising children (babies she said, more of a cut-down) and threw us out and left with her boyfriend.

I've worked my whole life, more than 50 jobs.

Never, ever be vulnerable around or to her again!!

StayWithMe · March 22, 2019, 11:07:38 PM

Quote from: Danie on March 22, 2019, 10:37:57 AM
That is exactly how my uBPD mother is. I've thought about it a lot and tried to figure it out. Definitely a lack of empathy, but also a put-down. In my family if you are sick or have a problem, you are bad, never any leeway or understanding.

Once my mother said to me about my house (with my husband) "It's HIS house". This really cut to my core because I was a homeless teenager because of her. She said it because he makes more money than I do and she just assumes her daughter is worthless and should be back on the street.

I was homeless because she said she was done raising children (babies she said, more of a cut-down) and threw us out and left with her boyfriend.

I've worked my whole life, more than 50 jobs.

Never, ever be vulnerable around or to her again!!

I would fire her as my mother. Next time tell her, you can't invite her around anymore because the landlord told you she's not welcome. Let that one sink in on her.

I bet you, between you and your husband she will probably try to play divide and conquer. If she did not have a happy relationship with her partners, she is mst likely jealous of you and will try to bring you down. You need to minimise contact with her. Just say to her in that quietly confident voice, Oh, I've been really busy lately. How ARE you?