Finally ran into a covert narc. Fooled me at the start but no more.

[newlife33]

I lived with a bunch of guys when I first moved to NYC.  One of them seemed nice, went to a good school and had a good job.  We started to hang out because we had some similar interests, and things were ok.  I never really liked him much, but I was in the early stages of my new social life so I hung out with anyone and everyone to learn.

Because I was like that and up for anything and everything, I never really said no or had too many opinions or boundaries, so there were no issues.  Once I started healing tho......then he started to show his true narc colors.  He got angry when I would say no to do things....he would try to guilt me or get aggressive or poke fun of my manhood.  Then he started to act very aloof....and even when we did hang out he began to be very intense and critical and self absorbed.  His jokes were terrible and even though I would cringe laugh a bit or give obvious signals it wasn't good he would still keep going.

The last straw was this year for my birthday.  I sent him an invite two weeks before the event, very clear instructions and time.  He said he would get back to me as he might be away.....he never got back to me until the day of the event, and he was mad that I hadn't asked him again about it.....um, it's my birthday asshole and I sent you an invite already, I'm not your mom and I don't ask things twice, especially on a day that is suppose to be for me.  I think he was so full of himself when he said"he would get back to me as he might be away." was narc talk for "I am important and Newlife is going to text me in another week to again check in on my status for his birthday."  Not only was he mad at me in text, he was mad at me in person too!  He brought it up when he came to the party and I was pissed.....he made it all about himself and how mad he was, instead of just letting it go and letting me have the attention on my day....but again we all know that narcs cant have that happen, they need the attention 24/7.

So yeah, long story short this guy didn't seem like a narc at first, but after awhile I saw his tricks, traps and true personality and am now slowly working himself out of my life.

[JollyJazz]

Sorry to hear this NewLife!

I was just reading a bit from a book about covert narcissists that mentions an example where the narcissist has a go at his target on her birthday! I think birthday's set them off because its not about them... nice work on spotting this! I hope you find nicer people to hang out with soon

Best wishes and happy birthday

[GentleSoul]

Good work on your awareness.

I notice they often show their true selves on birthday, Christmas, special occasions. 

[JollyJazz]

I'm just watching this great video from Kris Godinez

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xIMg2rSJfAQ&feature=youtu.be

If you go to 37.18 there is a good section on how narc's react to events that aren't about them...

[newlife33]

Thanls guys! The birthday really was the last straw. I still had a great time with my other friends, but holy shit was I pissed and really uncomfortable at how much he tried to take attention away from me the whole night. I feel validated and good moving forward and onto other friends. Even tho its a bit lonely, I know it's the right move in the long run.

[JollyJazz]

I feel validated and good moving forward and onto other friends. Even tho its a bit lonely, I know it's the right move in the long run.

Awesome! I hear you. It's an awesome sign that you were able to spot this so early and I am sure it will be easier to spot these things in future friendships.