Ex's 1st wife just died. Eye-opening.

[gfuertes]

When I fell for my ex (who I now realize must at least have NPD, if not full-blown sociopathy,) he led me to believe he'd left his 1st ex-wife because she'd cheated on him, and that he would always care for her.  By the time I met him she had diabetes, and he had an unspoken assumption that she probably would not live as long as he did.  I remember him saying something kind of wistful once, about how broken up he would be if she died, and I took it as a good sign, that he did not hate his ex-wife.

Today she passed away earlier than expected.  When I spoke with Ex, expressing condolences and asking if he was OK, he was fine.  I mean absolutely fine.  Casual.  Unemotional.  Like this was just another procedural thing in life.  This was a nice woman he grew up with, and whose family was close to his family, who was supportive of his relationships with their sons even after they split up.

When he periodically acts warm toward me, it will be in the back of my mind that this is no doubt how he would feel if I died, too.

[gfuertes]

When I fell for my ex (who I now realize must at least have NPD, if not full-blown sociopathy,) he led me to believe he'd left his 1st ex-wife because she'd cheated on him.  (I later concluded that was very unlikely.  It was more likely that he cheated on her, but portrayed it as the opposite to me, for sympathy.)  He said he would always care for her.  By the time I met him she had diabetes, and he had an unspoken assumption that she probably would not live as long as he did.  I remember him saying something kind of wistful once, about how broken up he would be if she died, and I took it as a good sign, that he did not hate his ex-wife.

Today she passed away earlier than expected.  When I spoke with Ex, expressing condolences and asking if he was OK, he was fine.  I mean absolutely fine.  Casual.  Unemotional.  Like this was just another procedural thing in life.  This was a nice woman he grew up with, and whose family was close to his family, who was supportive of his relationships with their sons even after they split up.

When he periodically acts warm toward me, it will be in the back of my mind that this is no doubt how he would feel if I died, too.

[Poison Ivy]

It's rough to receive these reminders of a person's true feelings.

[Worthy of Care]

Tough reminders, but also good reminders to keep the truth in mind.

[square]

It's rough, but don't forgwt, your ex is the outlier. Just because he doesn't care doesn't negate the care other people have for you, his ex, etc.

[Jumping Juniper]

Isn't this how they react to everyone's death though?
My sister's boyfriend made a big deal of his elderly next door neighbour (like family blah blah"

It was her funeral yesterday and she had to basically boot him off the sofa so he would get ready for it because he was running so late..

I don't know if they grieve at all. Maybe they might feel annoyed about losing good supply though.