ucovertNPDw trying to kick me out during these times

[zenagain]

Hey All,

Just trying to get my head straight again - I feel I am at a weak point right now and totally fogged. 

We are in an area that will soon be locked down/sheltered in and have all been working from home/school for about 3 weeks now.  I also have a mum with mild dementia who lives by herself in the house I grew up in (dad passed away 1.5 years ago) and who now has mobility issues (major joint pain in the morning - can't move up/down well) and finds it hard to go get food/bath needs and is being smart to limit her interactions with others right now (COVID recommendations, etc). 

This weekend, I left for my mums (2 hours away)... proceeded to get bombarded via txt while driving by uNPDw around me leaving her to deal with our DS, etc etc (abandonment issues, etc).  I was gone the night (stocked my mum up and also reset all her meds, etc - and used a ton of hand sanitizer) and returned to a happy DS (and dog) but a pissy uCNPDw... I said 3 words around what I can help with for dinner and she stonewalled me and sent another 4-5 many words txts to me about how I never thanked her for her helping me through my illness 5 year ago (cancer, auto immune issue) and that I don't ask her about her needs (she actually requested in a passive/aggress way that I should ask her daily about her health - in the past I have found that asking her only opened me up to ridicule from her for 'not knowing enough about me (her) that I had to ask, etc")...   

She is basically trying to kick my out of our house (making it hell or demanding I pack and go, etc) during all of this COVID stuff.   Telling me I should not have come home, I should pack and leave again, don't come back...

I would leave - as I want to be divorced to her, but that is on hold with all of the courts in confusion.  Also, logistically, right now I am near 2 major hospitals within 5 miles of our house.   If I were to get COVID (I have an issue that affects my breathing muscles - I would probably need to be ventilated) and be at my mums, I would also have infected her and the nearest hospital to mum is an hour away.  A community hospital an hour in the opposite direction... Plus I would be leaving my DS at the house with my uCNPDw.  He would want to stay at our house because his friends are around and my mum does not have hi-speed internet (since gaming is now a safe thing to do with friends vs hanging out!).   Being there would also impact my ability to work from home from my job for the same reasons...

Am I sucked up in her drama?  I am currently just ignoring her - separating myself in the house unless DS is involved (some dinners and TV/Movie at night).  It is hard to ignore her as she seems to be pulling out all stops right now - either her anxiety is on 10X -OR- she can feel my weakness related to my worry over my mum and what is going on right now in our environment... or projection on her part...

Any thoughts to help me think through this would be great! 
Also need to figure out when I can divorce her.

Thanks!
Z
BTW - I have told her sis. as I wanted someone in her family to know how escalated she has become in only a few days for the safety of my son (since uNPDw is giving me he ST - we are likely to interact much).   S-N-L basically told me to call a lawyer as well...

[Spygirl]

So wonderful to look out for your mum!


Imo, ignoring her is a smart move. If you dont react to anything she trys to goad you with, it may fizzle for a bit.

MC and keep your cool. They are just words to hurt you. Seems you are doing the best you can in the situation.

Hang in there!