Mother’s Day gifts

[sunshine702]

I dread Mother's Day.  Fear. Obligation. Guilt.
Another example of how I did not get "gifts" right.  Always about power.  I will never be right or enough to my Narc Mom. 

This year I sent a furry and matches everything wrap/poncho .  I found it in a store a few months ago at a good price and was going to give it to my mother in law for maybe Christmas.  When I saw it I thought of her.   When Mother's Day was approaching I saw it and decided to send it along with a pretty card to my mother instead. 

I could hear the glee in her voice getting something.  Then the disappointment of "how she would use it as a blanket I guess in the living room".   

I am somewhat disappointed in myself.  My mother in law saw it and said wow how pretty!  That yes my mother would love it.  Sigh. 

Now I don't want to tell people HOW to use gifts.  It is the spirit and it is up to you to regift it or enjoy it or throw it away frankly.

It was just that I thought my mother in law would like it.  And she did.  And my actual mother would hate anything that came from me and love anything that came from my Golden Child brother even if they were the exact same thing.  I still have a thorn in my paw about a Christmas gift comparison. 

Oh well I tried. 

How did your Mother's Day go?  Any similar experience with gifts or holidays?

[moglow]

I sent a small jade plant in an elephant pot [a nod to her "memory like an elephant" given her mindsweep of past interactions between us!!]. She's way over the moon excited, went into great detail about the plant and the pot and how sweet it was etc etc. Honestly, it was nauseating. It's nothing more or less than I've done any number of times over the years. Now mind, she's yet to attempt to "make things right" or any kind of apology as requested of her by my brother not long ago. The voices in my head say she's trying to lay groundwork for whatever she wants of me, play over the top appreciative so I'll jump through the next round of flaming hoops she's no doubt setting up.

Don't be disappointed in yourself - you gave with your heart, not wanting to overlook her. What she chooses to do with that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her mindset. Mine used to make very blunt comment about people who refuse to be happy no matter what. Guess she knows more about that than most. 

[Sneezy]

Oh well I tried. 

How did your Mother's Day go?  Any similar experience with gifts or holidays?

I'm sorry your mom didn't appreciate your gift.  She was just rude and hurtful. 

My mom didn't even acknowledge the gift I gave her.  I picked her up for church and she was running late and didn't have time to open it.  I reminded her to open her gift, but as far as I know, she hasn't.  She hasn't said thank you, that's for sure.  And on the way to church, she remarked that the only reason she hadn't gone to visit one of her other children is because I "begged" her to stay in town for one Mother's Day and spend the day with me.  Um, nope - I really wish she'd go away for every holiday.  Actually, I wish she'd move away, but that's not going to happen.

[Liketheducks]

I struggle with this too.    Unless something I find absolutely jumps up at me as "this is the GIFT".....which is a rare, rare thing given the complexity of the relationship.  (And, I'm no longer in a space where I go deep diving for that elusive of a gift).....I send flowers.   

[InvisibleDaughter]

I was triggered at Church when they played a video of everyone talking about how much they loved their Mom. I'm crying just wanting this day to be over. My NPD Mother has left me emotionally crippled.

I ended up dropping her gift off the day after. I purchased some Eternity shower gel which is hard to find and I also gave her the website I got it from. She was very happy with the gift.

Today I asked her a simple question about my Fathers last name. He died when I was only 13. She's asking me why I want to know. I told her it's my Father. So my answer wasn't good enough, so she drills me telling me she always answers my questions. Finally she comes unhinged. Freaking out, swearing, etc.

I think she's just throwing a tantrum because she's upset about Mothers Day. She's a 69yr old toddler.

I'm over all the drama

[sunshine702]

I am sorry for everyone's tough Mother's Day.  It is helpful to know that other's are struggling.   That we aren't alone in the pain of these difficult on good days relationships.

I really struggle with calling trying to be a shiny rock not a grey boring rock.  Most of the time I get hurt.  This time was the same.  Working on that radical acceptance this time will not be different.  I will not be allowed to "win"