Oooof

[Liketheducks]

So, I did a big thing today.   Did my 10th half Ironman.   It was rough.    Had a big asthma flair up this week that necessitated a big change in medications.   Honestly, I'm just glad to have finished at all.
SIL and Mom expressed interest.   Both asked when I'd be finished.    It's hard to predict, but there is an app that tracks me which I suggested.  Both said they had it and would be there.   
No one showed.....which is fine.   It's hard to spectate these things.    Glad my husband and son were there....and SO many friends on the course. 
But, just received a call from my mom, tearfully.....who swore she was following me on the app.....all upset that I wasn't at the finish line to meet her.   Because I've been home resting for the last few hours.     She misread the app.....that I had finished in 7:11 mins.   And thought she should be there at 7pm.  SIL....just said something came up.    I feel like an a-hole.

[Liketheducks]

And my boss....about 10 years older than mom followed me on the same app.   She got it.  Knew when I finished.   Mom just texted ruefully about bad tech.   Which is understandable....but still.   

Because if you have the app....it actually pings you when I cross certain thresholds.      I still feel bad.   

[notrightinthehead]

There is nothing you can do about your bad feeling.  Our feelings do what they want. Obviously you can be extra proud of yourself. To finish Half Ironman with asthma is something to be proud of. It shows endurance, determination, and a willingness to overcome obstacles. To push yourself beyond what is comfortable.
Obviously it would be nice to have family who is proud of you and are happy with you. You got that with your husband and son. Then you have family who make drama about themselves- don't understand the time of arrival, or show you that your achievement is not important to them. A disappointment. You feel disappointed, but not surprised. Because that's how they are. Now you can choose to think a lot about this small disappointment, the bitter taste, or you can choose to move your thoughts to crossing the line, the moment you realized you made it, the look on your sons face, the smiles of the other participants being happy together with you about your common experience, the sweet taste of coming through. I sincerely hope that you choose to focus on the big aspect that makes you feel happy and strong, a survivor. Well done you! Congratulations!

[NarcKiddo]

Wow - that sounds like a pretty good finishing time even without the asthma complications prior. Well done. 

As for your mother - as has been said, there is not much you can do about feeling bad except wait it out. There is no logical reason I can see for feeling bad so I guess you just have to chalk it up to the "joys" of having PD family members. They often find a way to taint things, I find. I'm always banging on to my therapist about it, and we are trying to find ways to lessen that aspect.

[Cat of the Canals]

You see what's happening here, don't you? You achieved something pretty amazing, and your mom is SOMEHOW making it about her. Ridiculous. It's fine for her to be disappointed, but was calling you tearfully necessary? No.

Don't let her ruin this moment of awesomeness (or your recovery time) for you.

[Leonor]

Okay first of all 

I am in awe of you! I just am coming back from a 3 yr slump with major menopause and 20 new pounds and I am going for ... Wait for it ... 5k by December. December! Im at freaking 2.5 k!

So I am just so happy and amazed and celebrating your amazing achievement! I'm going to run ( or as my sons say, mostly walking with little hops) today and dedicate it to YOU!

The mom and sister thing, that's just passive aggressive sabotage. It hurts. They've never shown up for you.. They're jealous. It's mean and petty and selfish and it just really hurts.

I would imagine that you, as an Iron person, would have a muscle roller laying around somewhere. Or have sports massages or do sauna sweats or something. The next time you are recovering with those, can you close your eyes and allow the sad and mad to just roll or sweat out if your body? Just let their crap energy go, out of your tense muscles, out of the pores of your skin. Let your feelings just exhale all that negativity out.

[Fiasco]

You see what's happening here, don't you? You achieved something pretty amazing, and your mom is SOMEHOW making it about her. Ridiculous. It's fine for her to be disappointed, but was calling you tearfully necessary? No.

Don't let her ruin this moment of awesomeness (or your recovery time) for you.

THIS!!!!

Maybe she did make an honest mistake, if so not your fault. Maybe she saw the chance for some drama after not bothering to look at the app until you finished the race. Either way her top priorities should have been: apologizing, praising you, and then apologizing and praising you again.

[moglow]

Well I'm deeply impressed! I'm admittedly a lazy sack but definitely appreciate the training and sheer dedication that takes. And Battling asthma as well?!

Mom could have simply slept through or missed the notification. It happens. But no, she has to overreact and flip it around that you somehow failed her. You didn't. SHE failed, pure and simple. Put that responsibility where it belongs and learn to recognize her as one you just can't depend on. It's who she is and what she chose. Not your stuff.

Rest. Regroup. Replenish. WE appreciate ya!

[Liketheducks]

I've needed a nap, a cookie, a hug.....and SO much food.     It took me all day yesterday to wrap my head around it.    It could have been a simple mistake.   But, that seems enormously unlikely.   For whatever reason, it wasn't important enough to her to make sure she was really there when she needed to be.   Everyone else who wanted to be there, found no great difficulty.   For crying out loud, there were 3200 racers and 3x the spectators.   It would be very HARD to miss.   

I was grateful for my H and S being so supportive.   And, so many great friends who also did the race here in our home town.   So many mid race high fives kept me going.    And thank you all for helping to keep my head on straight.

In the last day, I've really had to come to terms that my knee jerk reaction was to apologize to HER for her missing it.    Hearing her tearful while I was also at the end of my rope following such a race....almost made me forget that I had nothing to apologize for.     Makes me sad.   When I think of all the times I've made sure I could be there when our S has big things....asking questions about times and dates, etc.     Just seems like it has to be about her, even when it isn't.

[monamurre]

I think Cat of the Canals hit the nail on the head.

Even if it was an honest mistake with the app. and your mom truly felt bad about it, there is no reason to make the moment about her mistake rather than your accomplishment! The tearful call just adds insult on top of the injury of missing the event.

All familiar territory though. When we bought our first house, my mom came up to help us move, and the most drama-filled ridiculous weekend ensued. She got lost three times driving a familiar route! Refused to use her cell phone to call me for directions, showed up tearful, sweaty and ranting two hours late. And then did it all again on the next trip between houses! She also picked apart everything about the new house, from the stove to the door handles. 

At the time I could not figure out what was going on. Now I get it. I accomplish major milestone, mom flips out and shits all over the day.  Par for the course.

Enjoy your accomplishment and try not to let the downer of your families behavior tarnish it too much.