Small Victory

[Big Bear]

Hi Out of the FOG,

I just wanted to share a small victory with you all.  I made a new boundary and enforced it recently!

As I've previously posted, I have had a gradually declining relationship with my mother recently.  I have been suspicious that she may be a covert narcissist.  The covert part makes it difficult to pin down for certain.  Anyways, what I do know for certain is that I have had to create new and stronger boundaries recently.  The strife and discord was becoming too much.  It was negatively effecting me and my family of choice.

So the new boundary that I decided upon is that I will not go visit my parents in person unless there is a wedding or funeral.  I am still contacting them for video calls, but I'm all but done with routine in-person visits. 

For the last several months my mother has repeatedly invited me and my family of choice to come visit at her house this summer.  Since the beginning of this year I have been giving medium chill responses each time.  I purposely avoided committing to any specific dates.  Well, as the summer approached I finally spoke up and shared my new boundary.  I told my mother that we were not going to visit at all this summer.  It felt good to finally speak my boundary after so many months of medium chill.  I didn't JADE or explain any of the underlying reasons for not visiting.  I just said that we would not be able to come this summer.  So I am now able to experience the freedom of my newest healthy boundary.  I believe that this was a small but healthy step for me.  A small victory.  Thanks for reading.

Sincerely,
Big Bear   

[notrightinthehead]

Congratulations! Be proud of yourself! Well done.

[Blueberry Pancakes]

Well done, Big Bear.

I like the part about not explaining any reasons and no JADE.   

I think that is a very healthy approach, and not a small thing at all. Enjoy the well-deserved freedom you are feeling.

[Liketheducks]

Way to go BIG BEAR.   

[moglow]

I'm all about the small steps that boost us going forward! Good on ya, Big Bear! 

[Big Bear]

Thanks for responding!  High five everyone!   

BB

[Call Me Cordelia]

Have a great summer!