Done Lurking

[Wounded]

I have highly abusive 40 year old daughter who moved to another state in her 20's (we live half way across the country from there). I am sad to say I enabled my daughter by giving her money I thought was to help her "get on her feet." She was a beautiful young woman who picked up with abusive rich men. She has traveled the world, but now she is alone, and she hasn't worked in at least 15 years. I have dropped everything and everyone to hop on a plane to rescue her, only to be talked to like a dirty dog and threatened with physical violence, all of which she would vehemently deny. My husband and I have endured more than we ever should in our elder years. She says I have abandoned her and we should take her in and give her money (so she can gamble and drink). She hasn't said a civil word to me in I can't remember when, because she doesn't like the boundaries I have set. Her liver is failing, and that part is true. She gave me access to her lab account. For years my other children did not understand how sick she is. They do now because they tried to help, but were not prepared. They just couldn't believe what I was telling them was true. Now, they all want me to give up on her because my health is suffering from the stress, but I don't know how. I have read everything I can get my hands on over the past decade, but it doesn't ease the pain. I have made excuses for her behaviors, been embarrassed, been emotionally blackmailed by her, and nothing changes. I wonder if I am a gluten for punishment because I reach out to her, which only entices her to bury the knife deeper. I have been duped by the system, been in therapy for myself, and remain clueless. It is by lurking, searching the internet for help to find answers to my questions, that brought me here. I am a retired RN (specialty ER), I am an author of several books and a blogger regarding self-help, but I struggle every single day because I cannot get thoughts of my daughter out of my head. I am no longer hiding in the shadows.

[coyote]

Welcome to Out of the FOG wounded. The Toolbox on this site has been a boon to many of us here. As well you will find a lot of support and good ideas from others in situations similar to yours on the boards here. You are certainly not alone in your situation. I am sorry you need us but glad you found us.

[MarilynGrace]

New to the forum and your story so similar to mine. My daughter has similar history. Beautiful, at times compassionate and kind but manipulative and not recognizing she needs help for Bi-polar. Recently wealthy bf left her and she won't accept reality that she needs to move out of her apartment. Hasn't had a steady job in 4 years, calls me crying for money and if I don't give her lashes out. I recently cut her off financially and now I'm obsessing like you. On internet constantly, checking phone records to see what she is doing, (I pay for phone). It's so frustrating and I miss her so much when we don't talk. She can still be so sweet and always was a sweet child. My two other children accuse me of enabling and I know to some extent they are right so I'm trying not to, yet I have nightmares about her being on the street.  Lately all I do is pray. The uncertainty of what's going to happen to her is killing me.