Living Life for Me

[harlowblakely]

It's taken me longer than I would have liked to get here but at least I am here.

I have a path forward in life and for once it doesn't feel entirely unattainable. My mother made me feel like without her I wouldn't ever be able to do anything. While I still feel that way from time to time, I have decided to use all of my anxiety and anger around my relationship with my mom to motivate me to go back to school and live the life I want to live. When my depression or anxiety try to get the better of me I let my spiteful self take the reigns a bit. She thought I couldn't do it so I will prove her wrong. She might never know because I don't want her as a part of my life. But I will know that I did it all without her.

In two years I plan on going to my dream college and then when I graduate I hope to move to the West Coast and have my fingers crossed that she won't be able to find me.

I am just finally starting to feel like my life can actually be my own and that feels very exciting. 

[Hepatica]

Dear harlowblakely,

I know YOU CAN DO IT. 

The thing about insecure, disordered parents is they have a conscious or unconscious need to keep their children dependent on them for supply. They will suck the lives our of their kids if they can get away with it. Don't let her.

If you are experiencing anxiety and depression at times, be curious about that. Do you have trauma that needs healing? Focus on getting better. Grow your confidence and self-esteem.

Remember that your parents were meant to raise you to fly the nest and have your own life. They don't get to draw us back into their dysfunction.

I went to the West Coast in my early twenties, 3000 miles away from my dysfunctional FOO. It was the best decision that I ever made because I was able to detox and individuate from them. It wasn't easy. I still needed therapy but I sought it out and while I am by no means fully healed, I have had a better life.

I love your plan to go to your dream college. 

[harlowblakely]

Dear harlowblakely,

I know YOU CAN DO IT. 

The thing about insecure, disordered parents is they have a conscious or unconscious need to keep their children dependent on them for supply. They will suck the lives our of their kids if they can get away with it. Don't let her.

If you are experiencing anxiety and depression at times, be curious about that. Do you have trauma that needs healing? Focus on getting better. Grow your confidence and self-esteem.

Remember that your parents were meant to raise you to fly the nest and have your own life. They don't get to draw us back into their dysfunction.

I went to the West Coast in my early twenties, 3000 miles away from my dysfunctional FOO. It was the best decision that I ever made because I was able to detox and individuate from them. It wasn't easy. I still needed therapy but I sought it out and while I am by no means fully healed, I have had a better life.

I love your plan to go to your dream college. 

Thank you so much!

It is honestly so encouraging to hear from someone who is doing better. I have a deep-rooted fear that this will follow me forever but I know that's irrational and that my life can be whatever I want it to be.

I am in therapy and currently trying out EMDR (for the second time around) and I am determined to work on myself.

Since leaving my mom I have been trying to rebuild my relationship with my dad that she very desperately tried to destroy. It is very different and definitely an adjustment, he has his own issues for sure, but I know that he only wants to see me succeed and he has been helping me so much in any way he can to encourage me. I am very grateful for him because I don't know that I would be able to rebuild and move forward the same way without him.

I absolutely can't wait to be on the West Coast and be near the beach and that's what I am continuing to work towards

Thanks again!