Getting fearful, I think he is using again. Hiring a PI.

[Bunnyme]

Sorry for posting so often, but it helps to get it out.  Things have gotten even crazier.  He wrote me a long email in response to the very general one I sent him, basically blaming me for everything, how he really tried at mediation and I don't seem to want to do it, how I treat him "like a 2nd rate citizen and 3rd rate human being..."  Most of it was outright lies.  I did the yellow rock thing and just said that I disagree and that I have a very different interpretation of what is happening, but I didn't engage.
He canceled visitation on Wed because he was sick, yet video chatted with the kids that evening in his car on the way to Subway.  He moved and then canceled visitation for the weekend, and didn't take me up on my offer to meet at a park instead.  I got a very agitated call from him last night.  He agreed to sign off on the house purchase because "that first agreement will NEVER see the inside of a courtroom!  Not with what it says about me!"  He also suggested that we just go ahead and get it over with and end it.  He then got angry that I was pushing him when I asked if he was thinking mutual consent divorce.
I don't think he is going to agree to anything that suggests he is using, like testing or supervision.  I am 99% sure he is using again, though, and he did say he is "too busy" to go to testing or treatment again until the end of November.  Based on his tone, I actually am fearful of what would happen if I do take it to court.  He may feel he has nothing to lose and is desperate to not be exposed.  He complained that he has only $27 in his bank account, and I'm about to give him a nearly $9k collection notice that came in the mail (he doesn't know that yet...it is for him, but I could see it through the envelope).  He did video chat with the kids an hour later after going to the farm (his main place to use before...in the dark, in the rain) and then was acting like everything was great. 
  It is so hard not to walk on eggshells, but I literally think we could be in danger if he feels cornered, especially if he is high (crack and meth being his drugs of choice).      I am considering hiring a private investigator to see what he is really doing...and figure out where he actually lives.  I am holding off on filing anything about child support until I at least get the house paperwork back so I can get the heck away from here.   

[Boat Babe]

Hey Bunnyme. What an awful situation.  You must feel so stressed and anxious.  I can't give you any practical info other than to log everything and get the best advice you possibly can, but you know that.

This forum is great for crises and reaching out in real time. I hope someone else can suggest a practical way through this.

Sending you a MAHOOSIVE hug Bunnyme. ❤️❤️❤️