Depersonalization

[Whiteheron]

I don't know which board to put this on. Since it involves DD, I thought this might be a good start. Mods - feel free to move it if you feel it belongs somewhere else.

For the past year or so (ish) DD has occasionally come to me and told me she doesn't feel like she's really here, like she doesn't exist. At the time, I wrote it off to stress. Last week, I was answering mental health questions about DS, and one question was "does DS ever complain that he feels like hes not present?" I said no...but that DD did. I asked if it meant something, the professional said "yes" and asked if DD was in T. I told the professional yes, that DD is in T, and the professional was satisfied and moved on (since the visit was strictly about DS - I'm not faulting this professional in any way).

Of course, this made me think to actually look it up. Apparently it's called Depersonalization or Depersonalization Disorder and can occur in anxious kids, especially those who have undergone trauma/abuse. (DSM-5 calls it a dissociative disorder)

"Depersonalization is a combination of physical sensations, emotions, and thoughts which lead you to feel so disengaged from your surroundings that you wonder whether or not you're actually in your body. People experiencing this symptom may fear that they're actually someplace else, watching their body sleepwalk through life while they float around in some kind of spirit world." (from https://www.anxietycoach.com/depersonalization.html)

I've seen it referred to as happening in response to abuse, that it's part of a panic attack, prolonged stress/anxiety, or PTSD, etc. It's being called a "mental illness" by Psych Central, which is a scary thing for me to read. I just read the wiki definition and it says depersonalization can temporary or can be the precursor to a number of serious mental illnesses (such as bipolar disorder, which stbx has been "dx" with). I had to stop reading.

I'm finding that the best thing for this is talk therapy, but I wanted to know of anyone out there has heard of this before or has any knowledge of this? Has anyone helped their kids get through something like this?
thx.wh

[mamato3]

De-realization and de-personalization are part of CPTSD, and can be quite scary to experience. Trying to stay "in the moment" when it starts can help, and counseling can certainly target that too.

[Rose1]

Ive had it happen to me and it was part of stress. So I imagine cptsd in my case.
I was worried about my younger d and bi polar (she has it)  when she was about 11 I took her to the doctor and he told me that bi polar is mostly manageable and that the issues I was having with her father were mostly pd (first time I had heard of that). He was right. The manipulation etc is more pd than bi polar.
Although given what your kids are going through I would imagine cptsd has got to be a possible. Would your d actually tell her t she is having this?

[Whiteheron]

Thanks for your replies, it makes me feel better to hear about stress related causes. She is in denial, stressed, refusing to talk about her stress. She'd rather get wrapped up in the girl drama at school and avoid her real problems. I can't blame her.

stbx is definitely all about manipulation and control. His strong fear of abandonment is one of the clues that led me to believe he was PD rather than bipolar. I believe his T knows he is PD, but tells him he's bipolar because he knows that there "is no hope" if he has a PD (his words).

DD wouldn't bring this up in T, but I can bring it up - I meet with both DD and her T for a few minutes before each session. I will bring it up next time for sure.

[Rose1]

I'm glad you can mention it to the t. Its perfectly possible to have bi polar and pd. My exhs dr explained it.  Pd can be the result of a child with bi polar tendencies being brought up in household where pd calls the shots. He felt some of the behaviour was definitely learned and in my exhs case he sure learned it from his mother.

Having help and a normal parent reduces the risk considerably. Exhs father was enabling and belittling so that did nothing at all except make it worse.

[athene1399]

Depersonalization and derealization are types of dissociation. Most often it is a result from trauma, stress, or anxiety. That's what I know the most about in regards to depersonalization. I am not that familiar with how it fits in with bipolar.

I experience this occasionally. For me if I am too overwhelmed with emotions, they just shut off or I shut down. Sometimes if I am anxious, it feels like I am watching myself. I think it happens to me becasue I wasn't allowed to show certain emotions growing up (my parents were emotionally abusive) so I learned to detach. It can be a defense mechanism. That's why it can be connected to trauma survivors. It's how some people learn to cope with crappy situations.

DD's T should have a better idea of why it may be occurring and what you can do to help. I also feel that since she has one supportive parent (you) that is a big help already.

[Dear Abby]

For the past year or so (ish) DD has occasionally come to me and told me she doesn't feel like she's really here, like she doesn't exist. At the time, I wrote it off to stress. Last week, I was answering mental health questions about DS, and one question was "does DS ever complain that he feels like hes not present?" I said no...but that DD did. I asked if it meant something, the professional said "yes" and asked if DD was in T. I told the professional yes, that DD is in T, and the professional was satisfied and moved on (since the visit was strictly about DS - I'm not faulting this professional in any way).

Of course, this made me think to actually look it up. Apparently it's called Depersonalization or Depersonalization Disorder and can occur in anxious kids, especially those who have undergone trauma/abuse. (DSM-5 calls it a dissociative disorder)

I'm finding that the best thing for this is talk therapy, but I wanted to know of anyone out there has heard of this before or has any knowledge of this? Has anyone helped their kids get through something like this?
thx.wh

I don't know if Depersonalization is what they meant.  I had an interview yesterday to participate in a DBT group (Finally some therapeutic emotional assistance!) and they asked me this same question.  Afterward the person conducting the interview explained it is to determine if Borderline Personality exists (I didn't meet the criteria).  Maybe in your online research you could see if any of that relates?

[Rose1]

Well in my case im pretty sure bpd caused it. Exbpdh was a master of covert stress causing behaviours.