Private School

[SandorS@DEyes]

Not sure if this is exactly the right spot for this but...

  My 2 oldest daughters (7 and 8) have attended a small, private Christian school near our house for the last 3 years.  When we bought the house there was no way I could afford to pay the tuition even though its actually fairly cheap as far as private schools go.  My stbxw (uOCPD) grandparents have paid for their tuition and that whole side of the family feels very strongly about sending kids to private Christian schools (exw also went to a similar school).  I know the court cannot make me pay for their schooling and I expect the kids' grandparents to offer to continue to pay for them to attend there.  However, I'm just not sure if its the best place for them.  On the one hand its the only school they've been to, they have their friends and teachers and all that.  And I do feel, for the most part, they receive a good education there.  However there are several things that really concern me.

The first is that my ex doesn't want them attending this school because its what's best for them.  She has told me that she would sue me for sole legal custody if I try to take them out of that school, and has made many other comments throughout the years that essentially add up to her saying sending them there is more important than me being a part of their lives.  I have said I want them to have as much opportunity as possible, to which she replies they don't need opportunities.  I also have issues with some of the staff and a general attitude toward the Catholic faith.  I grew up Catholic and recently returned to the Church (a decision that was met with threats of divorce from her).  There have been a few times I have heard teachers or staff make disparaging comments about Catholics, and I realize this comes from a place of ignorance and a tradition of anti-Catholicism within this sect of Christianity, but its just something I've always felt uncomfortable with (and of course my stbxw says I'm just being "too sensitive"). 

My other fear is that the school will be just one more way she can control them.  When it comes to church and school it has always been her way or the highway, regardless of my feelings or reasons for wanting them elsewhere.  I realize if I try to fight it the court may decide to keep them there anyway.  But I'm very conflicted about this decision; I know she would see it as nothing more than a personal attack against something she holds very important and that I'd be trying to punish her.  It could open a can of worms for me. 

The thing is, I've known people who have gone to schools like that and the girls always seem to end up as Stay at Home Mom's (NOT THAT THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT).  I just want them to know there is more to life than mission trips and jean skirts.  Religiously/theologically its been my experience that a lot of those people have unhealthy relationships with God and carry a lot of unceccassry guilt with them.  I'm also keenly aware that my ex's strict religious home helped shape her OCPD and I just don't want my girls to be like that. 

I just don't know what to do- is it enough that I try to counter whatever weirdness they're exposed to at that school (when I'll only be seeing them a handful of times each month) in private, or do I need to push for them to go somewhere else?  My ex will never, ever agree to sending them to a public school and my understanding is that if we cannot agree than the court will decide, which will also be a major trigger for her because she has no control over that decision at that point. 

I just want what is best for my kids and this is one area I'm having a hard time making a decision about.  I plan on talking to my therapist about it this week as well.

[1footouttadefog]

I can understand where you are coming from. 

We homeschool and tried to participate in the local HS coops.  I belueve they made up of the same long jeans skirts types with similar attitudes.  We had to discontinue participating.  We are Christians but habe little patients with such as that.  We attend a multidenominational church with members who are everything from Catholic to Baptist to Methodists to Episcopalian. Ironically there are a lot of retired pastors and missionaries from these various denominations among our members.  I guess they were also burdened by the attitudes in churches in this area. 

I hope you find peace in this.  If you take you and your son to be ex out of the equation, are the kids happy.  Are they stable.  Can you offer them a counter balance to the anti Catholic attitude. 

Stay strong.