Feeling Strange and maybe? moving on?

[JustKeepTrying]

I don't know if it's the incessant Hallmark romantic pre-Christmas movies or the finality of the last legal tie to my xOCPDh or loneliness - but I have been wondering about dating again.

It's weird.  I don't know if I want to go there after my 32-year abusive marriage.  And when I was traveling I didn't really feel lonely but here at home (which I am definitely giving up in the spring so I can travel full time) I have considered it.  There was one night when I looked at match.com (a 4 am mistake). I scanned the menu on the site and after an hour deleted the profile.

I swore I would never date again.  And frankly, I like being single.  I like my alone time and the peace and quiet I craved for most of my life.

There is a small part of me that is scared as well.  I grew up with an NPDsis and my x was so wrong.  I am not sure I trust my own senses.

Or is it just the holidays and feeling alone in a pandemic where I can't go to a restaurant or see people or a party or even church (it is very bad here and while I am boosted I find it scary out there.)

I suppose I could look at it as a return to normal.  Normal people date and experience romantic thoughts.  And want sex.  (Yes, I went there as that has been a weird thought as well).

In some ways, I am a young 16 old girl in a 56-year-old body trying to navigate a world that is strange and weird and scary for the first time in her life.

[GentleSoul]

What a joyous, uplifting post.  Thanks for sharing.

I hear you, I am starting to have tiny inklings of similar thoughts.

And why not?  Hey, why not.

Thing is we are educated now about PD people, we know the red flags to look out for, we can feel in our bodies when we encounter toxic people.

I completely relate to being a 16 year old in a 56 year old body. (58 in my case).  I feel like I am playing home in my house.  I love it, I can run it how I want it, no craziness. 

I love being single and having my own space but I do have room for someone special to walk alongside me. 

I have no PD people in my life and I will keep it that way.    I am still doing recovery work on myself which is going really well, I can now see a full and exciting future available to me, whereas when uPD H died ten months ago all I could see was darkness from the damage to me from being in a marriage to a PD.

The light is flooding in now.

All the best to us all, Lee xx

Sending smiles to you.

[Associate of Daniel]

I'm in that weird place to. I'm almost 52. What is it about being in our 50s?

I'm loving not having to fit in with anyone (other than my ds15 on weekends). Loving setting up/rearranging/cleaning/decluttering my home in my own time and in my own way.

But I'd really like some hugs and snuggles and conversation with a partner who knows everything about me and my struggles with uNPD exH and his uNPD wife etc.

The financial and physical help would be great too.

But marriage and living together?  I'm not comfortable with that yet.  I guess (hope) that would come if a potential rest-of-my-life partner should appear.  In the meantime I feel quite selfish for thinking all of the above.  But I guess it's a stage of the healing process.

Those Hallmark movies have been really lovely escapes haven't they? Some of those dishy actors sure know how to hug a lady. It's a shame we're all almost old enough to be the mothers of most of them!

Wouldn't it be nice if men in real life were as good at communicating and as commited as the Hallmark characters?

AOD

[escapingman]

What a wonderful thread and how encouraging for me that is just about to take the leap. I feel the same, I am in my 40s but feel like 25 (I kind of stopped growing up when I met uNPDw). I can't wait to have my own place and have my own rules and set the home out as I want. Not to be worried about drilling a hole in the wall being told off it's 1 inch in the wrong direction and asked to redo it all.

Thanks for sharing!

[1footouttadefog]

Fill your life with great experiences and people so your not lonely.  Then when potentials come along you will not settle for less than you deserve.

Just like selecting food when you are starving it easy to settle for junk food. 

Take care of you so you can date and make decisions from a position if strength not neediness or lonelyness.

[Boat Babe]

Fill your life with great experiences and people so your not lonely.  Then when potentials come along you will not settle for less than you deserve.

Just like selecting food when you are starving it easy to settle for junk food. 

Take care of you so you can date and make decisions from a position if strength not neediness or lonelyness.

Very good advice. I need to hear this on a daily basis.

[JustKeepTrying]

1foot - I will take that advice to heart.  Thank you!