Boundaries Sunday School Class

[Mary]

Hi Friends,
I walked into a new Sunday School class for Christian women this morning, not realizing that the topic would be on boundaries.
I thought I would share my notes by way of review of this area that I definitely need to continue growing in.

A boundary is
*Where your responsibility ends and another's begins
*Not rescuing others from destructive behavior
*If someone is overstepping your boundary, they are letting you know what you want doesn't matter

To establish a boundary:
*Communicate it verbally and then in actions.

Boundary violations
*Spending time with people to the point of exhaustion.
*Not speaking up when something is important to me.
*Overgiving without telling/asking for my own needs.
*Not making our opinions a priority.
*Not speaking up when we have hit an emotional or physical limit. We should reach out for help.

Why do we allow our boundaries to be violated?
*We don't take ourselves seriously.
*We don't hold people accountable.
*We apologize for setting our boundaries.
*We allow too much flexibility-"OK, just this time..." Note that God is not the author of confusion, and backing off on our boundaries is confusing.
*We haven't verbalized our boundary. If it stays in your head, it festers and grows.
*We assume people will figure out our boundary based on how we act when they violate the boundary.

Attachment
*We need secure attachment to God. Insecure attachments to unhealthy people, circumstances, or titles can make us unhealthy and sick.
*Quote from Henry Cloud, "You get what you tolerate."
*Healthy attachment relationships make you better as a person in the eyes of God and speak life/truth to you.
*A warning sign of an unhealthy relationship is that you have to defend it to other people.

Reflection
*Validate or invalidate your emotions based on truth.
*Rely on God when holding a boundary.
*I refuse to please others at the expense of my emotional well being even if it means saying no to people who are used to me saying yes.

Mary

[Boat Babe]

That is very useful. Thank you Mary. I will flag it up to reread.