What type of therapist?

[jenlem]

I've recently finished a series of counselling sessions, in part addressing my NPD parent, but mostly more generally around life stresses. This was with a general counsellor / therapist and although it helped, I felt like this wasn't necessarily the right person to get to the bottom of the damage caused by NPD parent. I wonder if there is any specific type of therapist I should look for in future?

What kind of therapy have you found useful?

Thanks 

[hhaw]

I've seen many Ts.... maybe 12 or so if I count the ones I've seen along with my oldest dd. The ones who only talk, only expect me to gain rational insights when I'm obviously switched into survival mode and unable to be reasonable just gets worse when I'm asked to see things different.... to accept something I absolutely am not ready to accept in my switched sate without the T walking me through the things we're going to do, why we're going to do them and what we're going to accomplish. 

I received a list of things to do on the first appointment, which was basically me explaining my situation, sharing my fears around the fallout inside my brain and body while the T looked into my eyes and mirrored back wonderful things.... mostly compassion and acceptance and she didn't break down in tears, which has happened with at least 2 Ts for me.  This T was fearless and she stayed focused and kept me on track.  Keeps me on track. I wouldn't trade her for anything. 

There's no doubt the type of therapy and therapist I resonate with is a Trauma Informed T practicing EMDR, AIT and ART therapy among many other things, but that's me.  It might not resonate for everyone, though I think there's a better chance of getting to the root causes of trauma IF a Trauma Informed T is involved based on years of accomplishing nothing with so many other Ts.

It's been helpful to know my T is a recovering addict working her own healing path with her own T.  She keeps her ego OUT of the client/T relationship and that's important bc I had a lot of resistence in the beginning and the T avoided locking horns or getting frustrated with me.  She simply backed off and found another way to get me to the place I needed to be, which always always brought relief, there or later on or when I least expected it and found unexpected fruits and flowers of the work we were doing.

Recently, she's expressed a great deal of relief working with an AIT specific therapist.... ADVANCED ITEGRATIVE THERAPY, bc it's quicker and no less helpful than the other types of therapies.  During my last AIT session, we did end  with some EMDR with the goal or locking in and finishing processing particular trauma out of my brain and body.  I'm so proud of myself for leaning into the pain consistently, with breaks when I feel I need them, but the T office is for getting down to business and I don't go unless I'm ready to

I want to say.... if I'm not facing specific traumas head on and addressing them..... I take a break from Therapy till something comes up and I'm ready to process again.  I don't see my T for fellowship though I connect with her and feel she's a very good friend..... she's a very talented friend and I'm grateful to have her as a resource.

A typical AIT session begins with T asking me about my BIG feelings, she writes them down then we go right into the AIT session which involves repeating the statement we came up with together. For me, this last time particularly, there's a huge physical response with lightheadedness, fluttering in my lungs and some distress in my torso, particularly the area above my belly button and at my heart, but we work on it till all that's gone... or at a zero.   

Sometimes we work on a similar emotion or feeling around the same topic, but my T checks and rechecks so we make sure to finish the work we start and not leave anything unresolved.  Once something is cleared, it's gone.  T calls small traumas around a root trauma "nodes."  Sometimes working on the big thing clears all the smaller things attached to it. Sometimes it doesn't and so we do work on those smaller things to clear them.

Resolved/cleared means we process particular traumas OUT of my brain and body and into historic files where they aren't popping up all the time, presenting themselves for attention daily.  It's been a huge relief.  Breath work has been very helpful and is where we started.  Creating spaciousness around difficult or painful emotions and that spaciousness always remained and never wavered as we created it. 

I think any T can help a patient learn to calm down their Nervous System, engage their Parasympathetic Nervous System and process trauma out of their brain and body.  I don't know if I could do that if I wasn't working with this specific trauma informed T with an overtly full tool box of trauma informed therapies I'm willing to lean into and trust.

Find a T you feel safe with. Find one you're willing to do the hard, ugly crying face work with and be fearless..... trust facing the pain won't harm you. On the contrary.....
  It sets you free, IME: )

Good luck